LEAVE
I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe I was this close to actually accepting her. I’m relieved I didn’t get to accept her that much. Because if that happens, then I think it might hurt even more now that I have actually given in and submitted.
I am walking on the streets of Chicago. I don’t really know where I am about to go.
Then my phone rang. I smiled. I almost forgot I got a best friend.
“Hello?” I answered Genevieve’s call.
“Hey! Where are you?” she asked as soon as she heard my voice.
I looked around. “Uhm… walking around?” I replied unsure. I don’t really know where I am. I was walking to a random place again.
I heard her sigh on the other line. “Okay. Come to me. I am with some of Chester’s friends. We are at a café near 7th district.” She told me.
I smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll be there in a while,” I replied as I hung up.
I walked to the café she was talking about. Good thing it was just around the corner.
I walked inside as Genevieve called me. “Hey!”
I smiled and waved. “Hello,” I said as I sat beside her. She was with the boys indeed.
Leo smiled at me. “Hey, how are you, Ashanti?” he asked.
I smiled. “I’m fine,” I replied. “You?” I asked.
He smiled back. “Don’t worry, we’re all fine too,” he replied.
I rolled my eyes. “Who said I am worrying?” I mocked them earning a huge teasing from all the boys causing the rest of the people in the café look our way.
I laughed at them.
Yeoj leaned closer to me. “Shan, what is bothering you today?” he asked me.
I looked at him surprised. How did he know that something is bothering me?
I faked a smile. “Nothing is bothering me, Yeoj,” I told him.
He raised a brow. “Are you sure?” he asked me, disbelieving me.
This is what I hate the most when it comes to showing and hiding my feelings. People say I am so easy to read. I show that I am happy when I am happy and sad when I am sad. I don’t think I’m a major of that.
I don’t know. How can I conceal all the sadness?
Leo looked at me, bothered that I am thinking so deeply. “Why don’t you tell us? We can help you.” He encouraged me to speak.
I smiled and shook my head. “No, it’s really nothing.” And in fact, I don’t want them to be bothered by this thing I am bothered right now. I don’t want them to worry about my problem. About that Bianca Lee.
Just thinking about her name makes my blood boil.
Genevieve just looked at me as if she knows what I am going through. I know that she knows it and I am aware that she knows that I don’t want to talk about it now.
“Anyway, let’s just get you something to drink.” Genevieve beamed, changing the topic.
I nodded and smiled. She really knows when to take action. And after that, I’ve never heard something about my problem. At least, I had to break away.
***
I walked home feeling a bit relieved of everything I knew of Bianca Lee. Although I still can’t believe that I almost accepted her. But right now, what I am most bothered about is what I learned about Hunter. So…did he just admit to Bianca that he likes me?
He likes me? Wouldn’t that sound a bit of a bull right now? How can someone who always pisses me like me like that? He was joking around Bianca, right? He probably was. Anyway, I would find time to talk to him about this.
“You’re home, finally.” Mom greeted me as I entered my own house.
I smiled at her and gave her a tight hug. “What brings you here, Mom?” It was too weird to see her here in this busy day.
She gave me a weak smile. “I just came to check if you’re fine,” she said. “And by the looks of it, you are. I am glad you are,” she said.
I nodded and smiled. “I don’t like staying at home the whole day, Mom. You know that.” I retorted.
She nodded and chuckled. “I know that,” she said before her facial expression changed. “I heard you met with your sister today.” She told me. I can sense something in her voice. It’s like she is nervous or something. Bianca must have made another story up again.
“I accidentally met her because she is in Hunter’s crib, while I decided to pay him a visit because he saved my life,” I replied. “Did she say anything?” I asked.
Mom just smiled. “Well, she came a while back. She talked to your Dad and said that you met her and it wasn’t a really good encounter.” She was trembling when she said it.
I raised my brow. All of my encounters with her aren’t good at all. What does she expect?
I sighed hard. “And what did Dad say?” I was more curious of Dad’s reaction that what that wench said.
“Nothing.” Mom replied. “He just nodded and said he would talk to you. I thought he already did but by the looks of you not knowing anything now, I guess, I talked to you first.” She told me. “Just understand your Dad if he gets upset, okay? He is having a hard time.” She told me.
I looked into her eyes. But she is the one who’s hurt the most by this scenario. I can see how she has been trying her best to conceal everything with her smile which I know is fake.
I know because I also smile like that. I know what’s real from what’s not. And Mom’s smile is definitely an indication that she will never be a good actress.
“You’re such a bad actress, Mom,” I told her. “You, of all people, are suffering the most in this situation. But you still…” I paused as my tears began to form. “You still act like it’s nothing.” I finished. I took a deep breath. “Sometimes, you should try to be true to yourself, Mom. It hurts me to see you like this. It hurts me more to see that you are trying to conceal something. Mom, it’s good to vent out and be angry from time to time.” I smiled.
She smiled back and nodded. “I know.” She bit back a tear. “But what can I do? I love your Dad so much.”
Then it hit me.
Love.
It really can do all the crazy things. It can even make you hurt yourself.
I sighed hard once more and gave her a tight hug. “I’m always here for you, Mom,” I told her. “I’ll always be.” I promised.
She smiled and nodded. “Same goes with me, baby girl,” she said.
That’s when we did everything we used to do before I got married. We cooked and baked and cleaned and watered the plants and watched movies.
It’s really good to have all the fun times back. It makes me forget all the things that are bothering me at the moment. And what makes it more special is that I’d get to spend it with my mother.
We were watching Catching Fire when the door opened, revealing my Dad. He was looking straight at me.
“Honey, Bianca is in the hospital,” he told mom.
Mom, shocked at the moment, stood up and walked to him. “What? What happened to her? Is she alright?” she asked frantically.
“She’s fine. She’s with Kristoff now,” he replied but he was still looking at me.
Kristoff?
So, after all, maybe Bianca needs him.
I wonder if he’s going to yell at me because his precious daughter is in the hospital right now. I wonder if it’s serious. And why is Mom reacting too much about it? It would probably be a simple thing for Christ’s sake.
“You.” Dad called me.
I looked at him. He is talking like I did something wrong.
“Can’t you really accept your sister in your life?” he asked me. “Do you really want to burden me and your Mom about your behavior?” He probed once more.
I was a bit stunned that he was talking like I was the cause on why Bianca is in the hospital right now.
“I didn’t do anything to her. I just happened to visit Hunter and was surprised because she was there, too,” I replied. Well, it’s the truth. I just wanted to give fruits to Hunter.
He scoffed at me. “Ashanti.” He coldly stated my name. “Your sister is sick,” he told me.
I looked at him, confused and questioning. “What do you mean?” I asked.
He looked directly at me. “She has colon cancer. Stage II. She’s in pain. And I hope you won’t add up to her suffering,” he said.
I was shocked to hear that a Stage II colon cancer patient still has the guts to stop by Hunter’s and threaten him about something.
But on the other hand, I knew she needed someone else.
Then I thought about Kristoff.
Maybe she needs Kristoff to get through this. Damn, just the thought of that makes my heart rip into millions of pieces.
Now, I scoffed at him. “She’s the reason why her suffering is increasing.” I retorted. He gave me a look. “She keeps on messing with the things that has something to do with me. If she would leave it be, I won’t even look at her. I won’t even mind her business.” I ranted. “So tell her to get well soon and enjoy my husband.” I finished.
My Dad walked to me and slapped me. “You!” He yelled.
Mom hugged Dad away from me. “Stop it! How could you hurt your own daughter like that?!” She asked.
“She doesn’t have respect. She deserves a slap…” My Dad replied, still fuming. “…to wake up and grow up!” He yelled.
Mom looked at me whose tears are starting to fall.
A slap. Did I really deserve this?
I gave dad one last look before I walked to my room and packed all my things.
Mom followed me. “Ashanti, what are you doing?” she asked me as she looked at me packing up. “Where are you planning to go?” she asked.
“Away from here. Away from everyone,” I replied.
Mom gasped and started stopping me. “No, Shan, stop this. You can get through this. You have me. You have Kristoff,” she said.
Kristoff. He probably would hate me right now as well. Bianca must’ve told him another story. And he might despise me right now.
“I don’t want this life anymore,” I replied. “I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of Bianca. I’m tired of Dad. I’m tired of being hurt.”
“What about Kristoff? What about your husband?” she asked me.
I smiled. “Just tell him to take care of Bianca. I think she needs someone right now.”
“Are you giving me away?”
I stopped when I heard Kristoff’s voice. Mom started to walk out of the room.
I looked at the door and saw him walking towards me. He was looking straight in my eyes. “Who are you to decide on what I want to do, Ashanti? How little am I to you that it seems so easy for you to give me away?” he asked. Hurt is evident in his voice.
“Kristoff, like I said, she needs you,” I replied in a calm voice.
He scoffed and messed his hair. “But what about who I need? What about me?” he asked.
I looked away. I don’t know what to respond.
He held my shoulders. “I thought you love me? I thought you’ll be with me till the end? I thought I mattered to you? Why are you giving me away so easily like this?” He is looking deep into my eyes. “Ashanti, you should know that, of all the people in the world, I need you the most. I want to be with you the most. I’d rather die than not be with you. I’d leave everyone else if you are in need. That’s how I love you. Can’t you still get it?” he asked me.
I closed my eyes. Pain is dripping in my throat. I can’t do this in front of him. I can hurt him face-to-face. It’s so hard but I needed to do so.
“But everything is just a bull. You tell me you love me then everything starts to rattle. Everything starts to grumble. I don’t like it like this,” I replied with a heavy heart.
He gave me a look. “Then are you going to leave me?” he asked, trembling.
I swallowed and looked at the floor. “I just don’t want to be with someone else right now. I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle a relationship with this. Bianca loves you. She’s sick. She needs you. I know because that was what she was talking about with Hunter a while ago,” I replied.
Kristoff scoffed in disbelief. “So, you don’t want me anymore? You’d rather let me in Bianca’s side than yours?” he asked.
I bit back a tear before nodding. “At least give her happiness to get better,” I replied.
Kristoff shook his head as he loosened his grip on me. “Unbelievable,” he said. “I can’t believe you’re letting me go for Bianca.” He muttered. “I thought I was important to you more than anyone else.”
I looked at him. “Trust me. You are,” I replied with tears falling.
Kristoff smiled weakly and shook his head. “I don’t know, Ashanti. By the way you acted right now, it’s like you’re itching to get me out of your life.”
“I just want you to be there for her,” I replied. “Like I said, she needs you.” I was firm on this. Maybe Bianca really needs him.
Kristoff shook his head. “Fine. I’ll be taking care of her,” he said. “But can I ask you a favor?” he asked.
“What?”
“Can you not leave me? Because I need you,” he said as he crashed his lips on mine.