JUST FOR TONIGHT
“Can’t you just let me love you? Can’t you just endure my presence even if it pissed you so much?” Kristoff asked. “Can’t you just…” he paused as his eyes trailed to my lips. “…let me kiss you and make you feel that you want to bring it back?” he asked as his lips crashed on mine.
I was stunned at first. How long has it been?
Three months?
Three months and I missed how he kisses me. I missed how he holds me. I missed how he makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman alive.
Then I realized I missed him. So much. So much that I have been living everyday missing him without me knowing. Missing him has been my hobby. And now, it all came back to me.
He cupped my cheek as he deepened the kiss. It was a very passionate kiss. It’s as if he had been saving all his emotions for this moment. He must have waited for this kiss until this moment.
I didn’t even know my eyes were closed and I was kissing back. All I knew was, it never felt this good. All I knew was I have never felt this complete.
As much as I wanted to push him away, my heart is betraying me once more. I have planted in my mind that I will not be the same weak Ashanti again but my heart can’t even resist the way Kristoff holds me.
He slipped his hand and snaked it around my waist as he pulled me closer to him. This time, I know I have already wrapped my arms around his neck to secure his face so close to mine.
Just this time. Just this once. I want to be with him just this one night. Tomorrow, I will forget this happened. Tomorrow, I will be the new Ashanti again.
But tonight, I just want to be with the one I love.
Am I spoiling myself? Is it bad to make myself happy just for tonight?
Kristoff broke off from the kiss and leaned on my forehead. “Please tell me you still love me,” he whispered. “Please tell you can’t live without me, too. Please tell me you want to be with me.” He begged as he cried on me.
I looked to him and wiped the tears falling from his eyes. It really tears me up to see him like this. I don’t want him begging for my attention. I don’t want him like this. It insults me because he’s acting like he doesn’t know how much I love him. How much I want to be with him. How much I am willing to give up everything for him.
I smiled and nodded. “I love you, too. Always,” I replied. Just this one night.
He looked at me with wide eyes. He seemed shocked of my answer. “Repeat it. I want to hear it louder, Baby.” He demanded with his soft and husky voice.
I didn’t need to be told twice. “I love you,” I replied. “I want to be with you. I can’t live without you,” I told him all the things he wanted to hear. I feel bad he had to hear all those for the last time. I’m not even lying to him but I feel bad that I said those words.
He smiled widely at me. “I promise I will be better. I promise I make you happier. I will always be here for you. I won’t nag. I won’t ask for anything. I just want to be with you,” he told me before pulling me into a tight hug.
I closed my eyes. “Just tonight, Kristoff,” I told him. “Promise me.”
Kristoff broke off the hug and looked at me, confused of what I am talking about. “W-what d-do you mean?” He stammered. “What do you mean just tonight? What are you talking about? I-I don’t understand.” He was nearing hysteria.
I looked at him with sad eyes. “Kristoff, you can be with me tonight. You can hug me. You can kiss me. I am your wife tonight,” I started. He narrowed his eyes on me.
“Then what about tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? And next week? Next month?” He probed.
I shut my eyes and pressed my lips in a firm line. “You will have to live on your own,” I told him. “Kristoff, I know that you are better off without me. You have everything. You can make it on your own.” I assured him.
He looked at me. Straight into my eyes. “No.” He shook his head.
“Kris—”
“No!”
“But Kristoff, this will be for the both of us.” I insisted.
He stepped away from me. “No. No. No. NO!” He yelled at me. He breathed hard. “Ashanti, when will you stop toying with my heart, huh?” he asked me. He looked so much hurt.
“I thought we were finally riding on the same boat again. But it seems like I am wrong,” he told me. “I love you. I have gone all the way for you. I have opened my heart for you.” He ran his fingers through his hair.
“Kristoff—”
“No, you listen to me, Ashanti!” He told me. His voice is getting angrier and I am getting scared of him. “I am Kristoff Marx. I can have everything I want and every single girl wants me. They all want to be with me.” He walked near me. His eyes looked like he is thinking of something bad.
Lord knows how scared I was.
“But here I am, begging for my wife to come back to me because I can’t even work well. I can’t even think straight because you are all that I could think of. I can’t even make a decision because I am thinking if you will like it,” he said as he leaned closer. “My life revolves around you, Ashanti,” he hissed.
“What about you? Do you ever think about me? Do you cry yourself to sleep? Do I even occupy at least one-fourth of your mind?” he asked me.
I shut my eyes. I don’t want this anymore.
“Look at me.” He ordered.
I sighed and looked at his eyes. His eyes were filled with determination.
“Have you replaced me in your heart?” he asked while his voice cracking. “Have you found someone better than me?” He was crying again.
I gulped at the sight I am seeing.
Kristoff is kneeling down, holding my hands and crying his heart out. He desperately wants to be with me. He is in desperate affection for me. I know what I am feeling but my mind doesn’t agree with my heart.
I felt my tears rolling down my cheek. Seeing him like this just tears me apart. If it hurts him, it hurts me even more.
“Ashanti, please love me again.” He begged for the last time before completely breaking down. “Please love me again, Ashanti. I’m begging you.” He pleaded.
I stared at him with a heavy heart. Now, just when I thought he was living so well for the times I am away, I am proven wrong.
Kristoff may not show it to other people, but he was breaking inside. And what I hated the most is that I am the reason why he is breaking down right now.
I have always thought that in our relationship, I have loved him more. But right now, I don’t know anymore. He seemed to have succumbed to the extremes of love.
Seeing him like this, I think I don’t deserve any of his love and affection. He has always done the good things for me. But all I have given him is pain and heartache.
I knelt down as well and lifted his face to mine. “Don’t be like this,” I told him. “You’re making it hard for me.” I added.
He looked at me with eyes full of tears. “Sorry, I can’t help it. I love you too much and I don’t want to let go,” he replied.
I smiled at him and wiped his tears. “You don’t deserve to cry, Kristoff. You’re too fabulous for tears,” I told him.
He chuckled and held my face. “Don’t cry, Ashanti,” he told me with serious voice. “I don’t want to see you crying,” he added.
I laughed weakly. “I’m sorry,” I told him.
“Sorry that you have to act this way before I get back to my senses.” I continued. “But I wasn’t toying with your heart, Kristoff. I never did.” I insisted. “When I told you I love you? I mean it.” I looked into his eyes. “I want to be with you. I can’t live without you. I mean all those.”
“I have always shown you how much I love you. Ever since we were kids,” I started. “I have always loved you. With all my heart.”
“Didn’t you ever think why I’ve never let other boys court me before? Why I always turn them down?” I asked him. “It’s because my heart is tied with yours and I am determined to have you. And you alone.” I chuckled as I reminisced the times.
“I did everything for you. I started a wedding booth for us. I always made you banners when you have a basketball game. I always support you when you’re going for a quiz bee or a decathlon. Always. I don’t know if you have noticed me once but I was always there for you.”
“Genevieve even hated me because I have loved you too much. She was jealous because I loved you more than her.” I laughed. “Until now, she still gets envious of you from time to time.”
“I didn’t even care if your fan girls would kill or what not because of all the things I have done just for you to notice me. They laugh at me most of the time because you are just too snobbish. You won’t even look my way.” I pouted at him. That time, I saw him smile.
“Then one day, it was like a dream to me.” I chuckled at this one. “You held my hand and told everyone we are dating. I was so shocked but I was never as happy as that moment. Even though I know you don’t love me, I was happy because I’ve got to be with more.”
He hushed me after what I have said. “Who told you I didn’t love you back then?” he asked me. “I guess I have loved you first,” he told me making me shocked.
I narrowed my eyes on him. “No way!” I disagreed.
He chuckled. “I loved you since I saw you crying for a cotton candy.” He confessed. “You don’t even know me by then because we just moved in the neighborhood.”
I looked at him, not believing everything that is happening.
Kristoff looked at me and smiled. He held my hand. “Please. All I’m asking is one more chance to prove myself to you,” he told me. I smiled forgetting all of the philosophies I had for the new me.