RECONCILIATION
“Dad.”
I am watching Bianca hug Dad so tightly with tears brimming in her eyes. She was so broken and now she found her strength again.
“My dear Bianca,” my dad hushes her as he patted her head.
Kristoff came over and comforted her once again. I must admit that I am jealous. Not of Kristoff but of Dad.
He looked at her with so much passion and concern. I don’t know what else. He has never looked at me with those eyes ever. Was it because Bianca’s sick? Or was it because I rebelled and I was too stubborn that I defied him because of my childish cries?
I don’t know. And now I am standing near the door of his hospital room, numb and dumbfounded. Frozen. Stoned. I can’t move. I don’t know what to tell him.
Should I just leave? Would I aggravate his condition when I stay here longer? The last time I talked to him was the day before he was rushed in the hospital. He was asking me to join them for dinner. But hell, what did I do to him?
I answered back and hung up on him, letting myself be carried by the million emotions I am feeling right then.
I was being unreasonable because I let pain and anger and hatred take over me. And now my Dad’s here—just survived a critical surgery—hushing his daughter to stop crying.
It was so sad. Because the daughter is not me. It is Bianca.
I was being too fazed and I was lost deep in my thoughts. I didn’t even notice Kristoff was in front of me, eyeing me seriously.
“Ashanti,” He called me as he held my hands. “Why don’t you talk to your father?” He suggested.
I gave him a weak smile. I know he’s aware of what I am feeling. I am confused. Or maybe I am more scared thank ambivalent.
“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” I asked with my voice shaking. But no tears. My tears just won’t fall.
Kristoff sighed hard and lifted my chin for me to look at him. “Why wouldn’t he want to talk to you?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Kristoff, the last time I talked to him in person, he hit me. I angered him. The last time I ever talked to him, I hung up on him. I was harsh,” I told him. “I think I am the reason why he is hospitalized right now. I’m the prodigal daughter.”
I was shaking. I don’t know why but just the thought of me talking to my Dad right now is killing me. I’m scared to bits. I hadn’t even thought I would be like this.
Kristoff gave me an assuring smile as he caressed my cheek. “Yes, I believe you are the prodigal daughter.” He chuckled lightly. “But don’t fathers get excited when they meet their daughter? Ain’t the father in the Bible welcomed his prodigal son when he came running back to him?”
“But I did more than what the son did. And Dad is not someone from the Bible.”
Kristoff held my hand and squeezed it lightly. “I understand you have issues with him but at the end of the day, you can never change the fact that he is your father,” he told me.
I nodded. I know that I cannot change that fact. But I can also not change the fact that I hurt him too much and I am scared he wouldn’t accept me again.
But how would I know? How would I know if he would accept me or not if I don’t even try to eat all the pride I have and run back to him?
I sighed hard, still nervous and squeezed Kristoff’s hand on mine.
He smiled at me and led me towards Dad.
I stared at the ground for the whole time being when we were approaching Dad. I thought forgiving was hard. But hell, apologizing was a lot harder than I have ever thought. Now, I admire Kristoff even more because he showed so much courage and bravery, he even begged me to come back to him. That was real strength. I wish I have that, too.
I felt Kristoff’s hand leave my hand but it went to my waist. He pulled me closer to him. “You can do this, Ashanti. You’re strong, I know that,” he whispered as he kissed my hair. “Dad,” I heard him say.
I don’t know what I am feeling right now. All I know is I want the earth to break in two and eat me alive. I have never been this coward in my whole life. I thought my cowardice with Kristoff and Bianca before was the worst.
But this is way beyond my expectation. I feel weak and… weaker with every second.
“Ashanti,” I heard Dad talk.
That instant, tears started to fall terribly. I don’t even know I could cry like this but this…hearing my Dad call me, everything in me just broke down.
With just one word, every emotion I have been keeping inside—all the feelings I have been trying to mask—all unraveled and now I am only feeling one thing.
I miss my Dad. I miss my Father.
I removed myself from Kristoff’s grip and went to hug my Dad, crying. Like how Bianca did. Maybe even more.
I felt him stoking my hair as I hugged him tight, bawling so hard, wanting him to accept me again—me Ashanti Michaels, his prodigal daughter.
“Dad, I’m sorry.” Three words. Three words that I have not even crossed my mind for the past months. Three words that are stuck in the pit of my heart, I have finally got to tell him.
“Sshh…” I heard him hush me but it just made me cry more.
He’s hushing me, comforting me. He’s not pushing me away. He’s not rejecting me unlike what I did.
“I am sorry, Ashanti. I hurt you so much,” he told me as I felt his arms circle around me. And he is hugging me.
I shook my head and hugged him tighter. “I miss you, Dad.” I sobbed.
“Oh, Ashanti, I miss you, too. So much,” he told me and caressed my back. “You, stubborn daughter of mine.” He chuckled.
I smiled, still crying. “Sorry, Dad,” I told him. This time, I looked at him.
He smiled and wiped my tears. “My baby is crying like a baby.” He cooed me and I laugh. “Don’t rebel again, okay? You’re way too late for rebellion.” He teased me.
I chuckled and nodded.
“And don’t leave your husband again,” he told me. I suddenly looked at Kristoff, who happens to be pretending he was looking away, whistling. I rolled my eyes. “He just can’t concentrate. I even hired someone to assist him.”
I looked at my dad with wide eyes. “What?” Kristoff never told me about this.
Maybe his words gave a clue but I didn’t expect that someone was hired because he can’t take it. That’s just too much!
“Dad,” I heard Kristoff whine. “Don’t spill it!” he hissed then he walked to me smiled widely. “Besides, I don’t need that assistant now because Ashanti is back.” He grinned.
I narrowed my eyes on me. “Who told you?” I asked innocently, but playing with him.
His eyes widened. “You can’t take your words back! You already told me you’re coming back to me!” He whined like a kid.
Dad and I just laughed. Well, sometimes, Kristoff could be childish.
“Pizza delivery!” Mom came to the door with two huge pizza boxes in her hand.
“Honey, I can’t eat that.” Dad whined at her.
Mom smiled. “Don’t worry, Bianca bought some fruits for you.” She beamed as Bianca appears from behind her with fruits on her hands.
When did she even leave the room? Last time I checked she was hugging Dad.
“Let’s eat?” Mom asked and I helped her prepare the food.
Mom is now smiling widely. Well, she has been crying since Dad got in the emergency room, then when he was in the operating room, then when he left there. It’s about time she rests her lacrimal glands and tries using her facial muscles in smiling.
I looked at Bianca who was peeling the fruits for Dad. She turned to look at me and smiled weakly. I nodded and continued what I was doing.
Bianca somehow changed. I don’t know but since I saw her again in this situation, she seemed too gently and harmless. She was very different from the Bianca I knew and loathe the most.
But am I ready to talk to her?
“What’s taking you too long?” Kristoff suddenly appeared and whispered to my ear, his hand around my waist.
I looked at him and he is pouting. Jesus Christ! I looked at him in disgust.
“Wow, Kristoff, you don’t have to be all cutesy. It doesn’t match your height,” I told him as I walk away, shaking my head.
“What does that supposed to mean?” I hear him complain from behind.