NOT THIS TIME
We are sitting here, in front of the operating room of Mt. Sinai Hospital. Dad had an ischemic stroke. A clot reached his veins in the brain and blocked the passageway of blood around his brain. He has history of Diabetes and Hypertension, so the doctor said it was likely to happen.
I didn’t listen to further details. The good thing is my dad’s survival rate is high. That’s all that matters to me right now.
My mom is crying heavily. I tried to console her and tell her that everything will be alright but it was no use. She couldn’t stop bawling.
I looked to my right and saw Bianca weeping as well. I was told that she had been doing well on her cancer treatment. I was happy for her. After all, even though she’s a bitch, she’s still family.
She looks weak right now. But Kristoff was there for her. He was hugging her and comforting her.
I softened at the sight. Sometimes, even people with the worst personalities need some refuge and strength. Even people like that experience breakdown and sadness.
I sighed and looked at the door of the operating room. Why is the surgery taking so long? Is something wrong? Can’t the doctors do it well?
I was almost about to have a whole body breakdown.
My eyes can’t even cry. I don’t know. I feel numb. I don’t feel anything. I was thinking of a lot of things but I don’t know what feel.
At one point I am sad. Then guilty on the other.
Then I realize all the things my dad has done to and for me. All the good and the bad.
Everything is making me confused. But hell, I am praying for the surgery to be a success. I can’t even think of the possibilities when Dad dies or what right now. But I know it would not affect me more than it would affect Mom and Bianca.
Dad is the only man Mom loved and still loves. He’s the only man who gave her happiness. Sure, she was hurt when she knew about Dad’s affair with Bianca’s mother but love moves in mysterious ways.
Maybe, if you really love someone, you would accept everything about him—positive or negative, all his flaws, all his bad deeds.
And that’s what I learned about Mom and Dad—especially Mom. Her love for Dad is overflowing and can’t be matched.
I looked at Kristoff. He was staring back at me with Bianca sleeping in his arms. I smiled at him. I had to mature. Now’s not the time to get jealous over that. Not when I just decided to give him another chance. One last chance and I don’t want to blow it this once. Everyone’s in a situation. I don’t have to act like I’m more important than any of them now.
All flaws, all bad deeds.
Yes. Maybe I should learn from Mom. I should learn to love Kristoff and all his imperfections. All his shortcomings. All his limitations.
This time, I’ll love him maturely.
I glanced at Bianca with a pale face and puffy eyes. I have never seen her cry this hard. Truth is I have never seen her cry at all. She was always that bitchy witch with cancer who would steal Kristoff away from me. She acted tough all the time. But now that I look at her, she’s really fragile.
She lost her Mom because of cancer and now she is stuck with the same situation herself. Also add the fact that she is an illegitimate child. It’s a twisted fate for her. Maybe that’s why she has this twisted attitude.
Dad is the only real family she has right now. And now, he’s in a critical condition. He might die. I wonder how hopeless and helpless she feels right now. She must be hurting so much.
Suddenly, after long hours of waiting, the operating room door opened.
I immediately stood up and ran to the doctor. “How’s my dad?” I asked him.
He smiled at me. “He’s unconscious but stable. We’ll be transferring him to a room later,” he replied before walking away.
I sighed in relief and went to Mom. She just woke up from being knocked down due to crying. “Mom, Dad’s fine now. Stop crying okay?” I told her as she burst into another session of tears.
This breaks my heart.
***
I am in the rooftop of the hospital right now for fresh air. I needed fresh air because everyone around me is crying like hell. I don’t want to be stressed.
I’m happy that Dad is fine now. I sipped on my coffee and looked at the view of the city. I don’t know what to think right now. I’m thinking of the works I didn’t finish today. Damn. It must have piled up right now.
I smiled when I suddenly felt someone’s arms wrapping around my body now. It’s him and his scent that makes me crazy all the time.
I felt him breathe hard. “What are you thinking?” Kristoff asked me as he leaned his chin on top of head.
I sighed and smiled weakly. “Work,” I replied. “The folders must have piled up because I didn’t go to work today.”
He chuckled. “Do you want me to help you with those folders?” he asked me as he tightened the hug.
I chuckled. “No,” I replied. I felt him frown. “Because I know you have more work and more folders than what I have.” I finished.
He chuckled. “Well, I would help you first before doing all those. You know that.” He beamed.
I smiled and held his arms on me. “Thank you, Kristoff,” I told him. “Thanks for loving me.”
He loosened his grip and turned me around to face him. He looked into my eyes and held my hands. “I won’t be tired loving you, Ashanti. Even if you push me away.” He smiled.
I smiled back and nodded. “I know that.” I can’t help but hug him tight. I buried my face of his chest then, suddenly, tears were falling down my eyes.
Why are they falling now? Why didn’t they fall a while ago when I was worried about Dad?
I sighed. That’s when I realized Kristoff’s impact in my life. I don’t want to lose him ever again.
***
I rolled my eyes as Hunter appeared on my office.
He blinked at me. “What?” Then he looked at me with meaningful eyes. “You were expecting someone else, right?” He teased me as he entered the room.
“What are you doing here, early in the morning?” I asked him as I sat on my desk and continued looking into the folders.
He positioned himself comfortably on the couch. “Well…” he trailed as he took a magazine and starting scanning it. “Nothing. Don’t you even miss me, Ashanti Marx?” he asked.
I threw him a look. “Don’t even mention it, Hunter!” I told him.
He laughed out loud and continued looking onto the magazine. He suddenly became quiet and serious. “I heard about your dad. I’m sorry,” he told me.
I smiled and shook my head. “Why are you apologizing? Are you the clot in his blood vessel? Or the high cholesterol in his blood? Or the reason for his insulin resistance?” I asked him chuckling but without looking at him.
“I’m trying to sympathize with you but you give me those answers!” He whined.
I chuckled. “Thanks, Hunter. You are such a great friend.” I smiled.
He shrugged. “I know. Don’t mention it,” he said.
“But it’s not your fault,” I spoke. “It’s not your fault Dad had to be like that.”
“It’s not your fault either,” he told me.
I smiled. “Partially, it is my fault.” I heaved a sigh. “I should’ve been a better daughter.” I smiled bitterly.
Hunter shrugged. “Then you will be now. Be a great daughter. He’s here for you. He’s on his second life. You make it up to him,” he told me.
I smiled. I can’t believe this annoying jerk gives the right words and advices. Well, he’s done that so many times but I still get amazed when he does.
It’s his talent and I’m thankful for that. “How about Bianca? Did you see her?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes. She’s a mess though,” I replied.
He looked at me. “A mess?” he asked.
I nodded. “She was crying too hard and I think she would faint anytime last night. She was pitiful. She needed someone to comfort her,” I told him.
“So, you gave Kristoff?” he asked me while looking at the magazine.
I chuckled. “I didn’t give Kristoff. I lent him to her.” I corrected him.
He gave me a look. “And you didn’t get jealous?” he asked me with determined eyes. He needs to know the answer. That’s what his eyes tell me.
I shrugged. “I find it fitting for Kristoff to be comforting her. But at the end of the day, he’s still mine,” I told him.
He chuckled. “You’re weird, you know what?” he asked me.
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Why?” I asked.
He just shrugged. “You know you’ll be jealous but you still lent your husband. What a twisted mind you have, Ashanti Marx.” He looked at me in the eyes. “Don’t forget yourself okay?”
I looked back at him. I won’t forget myself this time.