YOU HAVE ME
“Are you sure you can do this on your own?” Genevieve asked me as she was standing by the door of my new home.
Yes. I bought a new condominium unit for me to live in. I smiled at her and nodded. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” I asked her back.
She gave me a look. “Are you sure?” she asked again.
I nodded positively. Right now, negativity is the least thing on my mind. I don’t even want to think of my past already. And when I say past, I mean, the things that happened the past few days.
She sighed hard and crossed her arms around her chest. “You don’t really need me to stay here with you even for a couple of nights?” she asked.
I chuckled. “Don’t worry about me, G. I can do this. I’m a big girl now.” I assured.
Genevieve scoffed. “Yeah. A lost big girl, I might add.” She beamed.
I frowned at her. Why is everyone treating me like I can’t go on my way alone? I’m getting sick of this. “Just trust me on this, okay? How would I learn if I can’t do this alone?” I asked her.
She sighed finally. “Okay, okay. Just call me when you can’t sleep at night okay?” She told me.
I nodded and smiled. “Of course. There is no one I would call,” I replied.
She nodded. “I’ll be expecting that.” She pointed at me.
***
I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to move in bed. The tears just kept on falling and I can’t even control my emotions.
I’m sure as hell alone and lonely.
I didn’t know the things on TV were all real.
Being alone and sober with a broken heart is a big no. I can’t think of anything but the times I shared with him. The short time we had where we are happy.
I looked at the clock. It’s almost midnight.
Should I go out?
I sighed and prepared to go. There is nothing good with staying at home when all I can think about is Kristoff and Dad and Mom and Bianca.
There is nothing good with staying at home when all I can think of is how to get over someone who I have loved all my life.
I took my keys and went to get my car. Tonight starts the day that I become the controller of my life.
I drove off to nearest bar. And damn it because it almost broke my ear drums. Why are places like this so noisy?
I looked around and saw people dancing and grinding their bodies off each other.
Isn’t that a bit gross?
“One tequila please,” I told the bartender and he immediately made me one. I bet by the looks of it that he knows me but he tried his best to not question anything any further.
I sighed hard as I waited for the drink.
“Wow, wow, wow. What is the Queen of Fashion Design doing here?”
I looked at the person who just talked. I’m sure as hell know that the voice is familiar.
“Hunter Looney?!” I almost sounded really shocked.
He smiled and nodded. “The one and only,” he replied.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “How about your arm?” I asked as I looked at his casted arm. Yeah. It was just days since he got his arm casted and it is not yet doing so well.
“Okay. Don’t worry about my arm. It’s casted and fine,” he told me. “What drives out the most curiosity in me here is you. What are you doing here?” he asked.
I sighed. “Clearing my head,” I replied as I took the tequila in one shot.
He gave me a look. “Clearing your head with…” he eyed the drink the bartender just passed to me. “Tequila.” He then nodded. “That’s good,” he told me sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes and asked the bartender to give me more. “How about you? What are you doing here with an injured arm? Shouldn’t you just be resting?” I asked him back.
He nodded. “Well, I got bored and decided to come here,” he replied. “Wait. Won’t your husband look for you?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I bet he’s in the hospital now. Taking care of Bianca,” I replied as I felt my tears form in my eyes again.
Damn. Why aren’t my lacrimal glands getting tired of producing tears?
Hunter looked at me as if I had said something impossible. Oh yeah. I forgot, he knew what kind of a witch Bianca is.
He sat beside me. “What?!” He asked in disbelief. “Why would he?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I guess I shooed him away from me,” I replied.
He narrowed his eyes on me. “Oh no, Ashanti, you didn’t just act stupid right now,” he told me.
I looked at me. What? So everyone thinks I did the wrong thing? Great.
“You see, that Bianca is just trying to sabotage your relationship. And from what I see, you just made her win, Ashanti,” he told me.
I looked at his eyes. He is talking in a serious tone which is not his usual self because he is always trash-talking me. He looked at me with a genuine stare. It’s as if he is all out for me and Kristoff and what I did was pop out his love-line bubble.
“It’s fine,” I replied, trying my hardest to smile. “I’ve been tired of everything that happened. I just needed space for me and myself.” I explained.
He looked at me. I know that he is staring at me while I gulped the whole tequila down. Yes, another shot. And I don’t drink that well.
I heard him sigh and drink his beer. “Don’t lose yourself for a guy, Shan. No one’s worth your own self,” he told me.
I looked at him. Sometimes he gives the best advices. And Genevieve had never given me such intellectual advice like what Hunter says.
I smiled at him. “Can you accompany me somewhere?” I asked him.
He looked at me. “Where?” he asked.
I smiled and took him out of the club.
***
“Wow. We came back to this place.” Hunter spoke as we arrived at the destination. I drove of course. How could he drive with one hand?
I smiled. We are here. The place where the cab driver drove me when I first learned about Bianca being my half-sister.
“I need some quiet place,” I told him.
He nodded and breathed the fresh air. “I need fresh air,” he replied as we both laughed.
Now I got to think about. Hunter is always there when I am feeling down. I guess now, he’s my partner in depression, too.
We walked towards that big tree, near the flowers. Though I couldn’t see the flowers now.
I leaned on the tree and shut my eyes. These are the times that I want nature to take away everything that worries me. I just wish it can relieve all the sadness I am feeling right now.
“Stop thinking.” Hunter spoke. I looked at him. His eyes are shut. “Stop crying,” he added.
I immediately wiped my cheeks. Oh yeah, I am crying again. I didn’t even feel the tears going down.
I guess this happens when the heart is poured out with one man. The moment the happiness ends, life is sucked out of the body. We feel soulless and useless.
Hunter suddenly sat in front of me, facing me, eyes locked on me. “When I told you to not think about it, I mean it,” he said. “I don’t want you to think of sad things. Peter Pan said, think of happy thoughts and you will fly.” I can see him smile even in the darkness.
I don’t know why but there was this tone in his voice that made me chuckle. Or did I just smile genuinely for the first time in the past few weeks?
“You may want to have space. You may want to file a divorce. You may want to be away from him and even forget about him. You can do everything,” he spoke. “But don’t forget yourself. You have to get a hold of yourself. You love him but you have to save love for yourself, too.” He finished.
And then it hit me. Maybe I have loved Kristoff too much and forgot to leave some for myself. That is why I am feeling trashy right now. Because nothing was left for me. I gave it all.
Hunter wiped the tears in my eyes. “Think about yourself if you want to move on. Because at the end of the day, you are doing that for you, not for anyone else,” he spoke. “And if you need someone to be with you, you have your friends. You have Gen.” He smiled. “You have me.” He even offered himself.
I smiled at him. For the first time in my life, I felt my worth. I felt like someone will always be there for me. And I can’t believe it’s Hunter.