Estrella
Breakfast feels like a dance I don't know the steps to. My wolf sings inside of me, begging for the touch of my mate again. Only a table separates us. And she won't listen to me when I remind her how he treated us. So we compromise. When he looks at his plate, I look at him. The way the towering windows pour sunshine over his fair hair, turning it golden instead of coldly pale. The elegant arch of his long fingers around his fork. The firm set of his shoulders in his fine shirt, promising the muscles underneath. My mouth salivates in a way that has nothing to do with the breakfast spread in front of me.
And with every move, my shoulder hurts. Answering King Kieran's question felt like choking on my own tongue. Sitting across from Anwen, so close and so far, is sickening.
The sooner we leave Dun's Crossing, the better.
I poke at my food while Mother tries to engage Queen Raven in conversation. The queen seemed so different than the rest of the Solbergs when we met on the dock, but today, she only nods and says a few words. Castor's in a sulk because, apparently, a few of the other Dun's Crossing nobles made fun of him for not inheriting the crown even though I'm a girl, so he's useless. Father's deep in conversation with King Kieran, talking over what an alliance might mean for both kingdoms. Sitting in silence is agony, with Anwen's smell crowding the air between us.
"So, you're an envoy?" I turn to the girl next to me, whose name I don't remember.
She perks up slightly, then glances at the queen and wilts. "Uh, not exactly. My father is."
The gray-haired man next to her smiles politely in my direction, then turns back to the conversation between King Kieran and my father. He's not saying anything, just listening. Like Anwen. It's strange.
"Is that fun?" I ask awkwardly. After the years of isolation, I haven't met someone new in so long.
"Used to be." She fidgets with the sleeve of her vibrant pink dress. "Now, I'd give anything to just go home."
My heart goes out to her. Nobody has said anything at this breakfast that I agree with more.
"I love your dress, by the way," I say.
"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "Everybody here thinks it's tacky."
My mouth falls slightly open. "Tacky? I'd give anything to get that color of pink into one of my gowns. Maybe not as a solid color, but a motif of it would be stunning. And it suits your complexion."
She puts a hand to her pale cheek. She has slightly warmer undertones than the rest of these frozen people. "Thank you. Maybe I should convince Father to be an envoy to Sundrop Gem next."
"You should." I lean closer. "I don't know if the colors here look good on anyone."
Nessa looks shocked for a second, but when I giggle, she laughs with me. It's almost like being back with Tess, my best friend who came on the trip but wasn't invited to this very formal breakfast. I think it might be the first time I've smiled where the royal family could see me.
At that thought, I risk a peek at Anwen. He's staring at a point just over my shoulder, a forkful of eggs suspended in midair between his mouth and his plate. Like he was watching me and looked away when I looked at him. I scowl and tear my eyes away. So he's an asshole and a coward. Or he thinks he can have me physically without the rest of it, a notion I'm happy to disabuse him of.
"Tell me more about Sundrop Gem," Nessa gushes. "When I heard you were coming, I looked in the library, but there were, like, two references. Is it beautiful?"
I hope he's listening.
"It's better than beautiful. There are no words." A soft smile curves my lips as I think of home. "Our palace is nothing like this. It's all light stone, open arches, airy breezeways. A million courtyards."
"How do you survive the winter?" Nessa asks.
"Our winters are mild." I shrug. "I've barely needed anything heavier than this dress, even on the darkest days of the year."
Her eyes grow wide. "I don't remember Snowcrest well, but even here, that would be impossible. Does that mean you've never seen snow?"
I shake my head. "I know it's some sort of cold rain, but that's all."
She laughs. "Oh, I have to see your face when you do. You're going to lose it."
"And that's... good?" My smile fades. Nessa speaks quickly, and without the polish of the people who come to the palace in Sundrop. She's very nice, but I'm struggling to keep up a little.
"I think it will be." She laughs again. "Goddess, this is going to be great. I'm taking you under my wing, okay? And I'm going to make sure you have the best time here." She leans close and drops her voice. "Or at least, as good of a time as you can in a place like Dun's Crossing."
We exchange secretive smiles. At least I have one ally in this palace, even if she belongs here as little as I do.
"What are you girls talking about?" Mother asks.
"Oh, nothing," Nessa trills. "Just how exciting it is for Sundrop to be re-entering politics."
I peer at her. Why is she lying to my mother? Nessa cuts her eyes at Queen Raven, who seems to be watching us, and the pieces fall together. If we told Mother how we really felt, we'd make a bad impression with the queen. Maybe I do need to be taken under Nessa's wing to survive. In Sundrop, I only had the same group of jealous families to worry about. Here, there are so many more dangers.
"Lovely." Mother smiles. "I'll admit a little girlish excitement myself. I haven't traveled since I joined Sundrop."
I smile. "But you came from Thunderpeak. You didn't even-"
"Can you pass the jam," Anwen asks abruptly.
Mother turns slowly. "Excuse me?"
"The jam." He points at a pot between Nessa and I. "Could I have it?"
"No, you mean to say excuse me," I reply without looking any more at him. "You've obviously interrupted a conversation. You ought to do so politely."
Anwen scoffs.
"Estrella," Mother murmurs. "Don't be rude. They may have different customs."
"Do you?" I turn to Anwen, my heart pounding. "Do you have customs that don't require you to display manners at the breakfast table?"
"Apologies," he says tightly. "Your conversation was so loud I assumed I was already a part of it. I assume it's customary in Sundrop Gem to yell over breakfast?"
I bristle. For the first time, my wolf snarls at him. "It's customary to make conversation, yes. I didn't know ears were so finely tuned in Dun's Crossing. I'll make sure to keep quiet going forward."
He clenches his jaw. That fire flashes in his eyes again. As furious as I am at his behavior, something low and wanting curls in my gut.
I crush it.
"Thank you," he says icily. "Now, may I please have the jam?"
I lift the pot and give it to him, then snatch my hand back before he can even brush my skin. When he begins smearing the ruby-red condiment over a piece of toast, I realize the table has gone utterly silent during our exchange.
My face warms.
Father laughs. "Perhaps we ought not make too many plans for our alliance yet, King Kieran. The next generation seems unready to give up old hurts, with your exception, of course."
Awkward laughter fills the room. Anwen mutters, "Sorry," in a tone that makes it very clear he doesn't mean it. I say something about a miscommunication that doesn't make any sense before it leaves my mouth or after.
What am I thinking? This is an important breakfast. As much as I think we couldn't pick a worse kingdom than Dun's Crossing to ally with, obviously Mother and Father feel differently. When I inherit the pack in thirty years or whenever they step down, I can make decisions about our allies. Until then, my role as the eldest is to support them. I take a deep breath, square my shoulders, and smile brightly at Anwen without meeting his eyes.
"I'm sure these little issues will smooth the longer we work together."
He nods wordlessly. I grit my teeth. It's like trying to make peace with a toddler.
King Kieran clears his throat. "Yes, well. With that in mind, I had a bit of a thought."
The whole table turns to him.
"What do you say we take two days to hammer out the rest of these details?" he asks Father, "and then when the sun sets on the third day, that anniversary you mentioned, we'll have a ball to commemorate the union of our two peoples?"
Father claps King Kieran on the shoulder. "A wonderful idea!"
A ball! We have all sorts of celebrations in Sundrop, but never a proper party like a ball.
'Can I be excused?' I ask Mother and Father through the mind-link. 'Tess and I need to plan our gowns.'
Father smiles indulgently. 'Of course, my dear. Wow them.'
I say my goodbyes, even to Anwen, and hurry out of the room.