Estrella
Anwen's pale eyes reflect the stars back at me. My body hums with pleasure. In the wake of enjoying him, I feel the buzz of the healing during my coronation again, the guiding hand of the Goddess and Her whispered assurance that I stride the right path. Having him here feels nearly as good. I am half-drunk on his presence, so nearly out of my mind that I almost forgot why I left in the first place.
King Kieran stands accused-credibly-of orchestrating Father's murder. There is a note in his hand, a dead messenger who met a dead assassin at a time that makes King Kieran impossible to prove innocent. And I have heard story after story of King Kieran and Queen Raven's cruelty, though I'm somewhat less inclined to believe every story of Queen Raven after she discovered me at the mouth of the dungeon. In truth, if the evidence is to be believed, I have no idea if Anwen was involved in the planning, the murder itself.
But I want to believe him. The stars in his eyes look honest. He has nearly always looked honest to me.
"At your castle," I say slowly, "I often spent time with Nessa Winters."
Anwen grimaces. "Why?"
I bristle. "Because she was kind to me when no one else was."
"Nessa's kindness comes with a price." He shakes his head. "Why are we talking about her now?"
"No one else would provide me with any information about the castle." I cross my arms across my chest. "She told me about King Kieran, how cruel he was. With all that, I find it difficult to discount his involvement."
He sits up. "Tell me what you heard."
"King Kieran asked her to pretend to be his mate when he believed Queen Raven to be his sister," I say immediately. "Despite that, he turned on her without warning and humiliated her before the court when he took the throne."
Anwen scoffs. "Nessa blackmailed Kieran and Raven into that arrangement."
I blink. "That doesn't sound like her."
"She caught them outside the tent in the morning and threatened to tell everyone they were mated to each other despite everyone believing they were siblings." He wrinkles his nose. "Unless Kieran married Nessa instead."
"He told you this?" I ask.
"Sure, and I trust him."
And I do not. Perhaps Kieran offered up a version of the story that makes him sound like a victim rather than a villain.
"She said Queen Raven viciously attacked her with a castle cat."
"True." He grins. "But did she tell you she hit first? Or that Raven didn't even know she could control animals at the time?"
I purse my lips. It's very likely Nessa doesn't understand what Queen Raven knew when, and it's often very difficult to tell who truly struck first in a fight.
"She said King Kieran hasn't spoken to her directly since his coronation." I pluck a dream thistle from the ground. "It's as though she's no longer good enough for him. She says Solbergs are all action first, emotions never."
"Kieran doesn't talk to her because Nessa bullied Raven nonstop for years. She used to run the castle, her and her little clique. He's just standing by his mate. As for the rest of it"-Anwen takes my hand-"I'm trying to change that, and so is he."
I study the fine, sharp planes of his face. He looks carved from stone, the pale moonlight washing all color out of his skin. There are a thousand ways he could be lying to me. A thousand ways Nessa could be lying to me. I have no proof other than the contradicting words of different witnesses. Nessa certainly seemed to take the king and queen's slights more personally than makes sense with Anwen's stories, but I only spent two weeks with her. And the man sitting before me now is the one who woke me from the nightmare and sat with me. The one I am gut-achingly terrified I may be able to love.
Selfishly, I am already tired of being alone.
"So." He rubs his thumb across the back of my hand. "The believing me thing. What are you thinking?"
"I am thinking that if I walk back into the city right now and announce I am mated to the brother of the man who killed their king, my people will riot," I say honestly.
Anwen blinks. A smile spreads across his face, slow like the sun coming up over the horizon. "Announce?"
"Perhaps." I fidget with the dream thistle, but his excitement thrills me. Despite everything, I want to be his-and him to be mine.
He laughs delightedly and drops back to the ground. "Shit. I was just hoping I might be able to convince you I wasn't hiding a secret plot to murder your father. This is way better."
I smile shyly. "I don't think you were involved."
"Hey, that's something." He studies me. "And Kieran?"
"Was the note truly in his hand?" I ask.
He shrugs. "Possibly. Everyone in the palace learns basic reading and writing from the same tutor. I'm not an expert, but it seems like it'd be pretty easy to fake."
I nod slowly. A new king-a new leader is susceptible to attacks from all sides. Several of Father's advisors have pulled me aside already to report the beginnings of what they feel may be plots against me. Attempts to impugn my ability to lead or to suggest I may not be the eldest Sollabella after all. There have been none since my coronation, at least. Perhaps the healing has allayed all concern.
Mother's words before my coronation come back to me. Sundrop Gem is a truly special place. I've known it all my life, but I felt it in the celebration more than I ever have before. I love these people, as they love me. Perhaps, if I simply tell them my love extends to this foreign prince, they will take me at my word.
Perhaps loving Anwen means taking him at his.
"The Moon Goddess does not make mistakes," I say slowly. "Yana said the leaders of Dun's Crossing and Sundrop Gem were once one heart beating in two chests. We could be that again."
He grabs me and kisses me, a short, sharp burst of passion. I drink in his taste and wish I could fall into him with no other complications. But our world is never that simple.
"Look me in the eyes," I say, "and promise me you believe every word you've said tonight. That there is no ounce of doubt in your heart that yourself or any in your family ordered my father's assassination."
Anwen drags his gaze to mine. My heart pounds. If I believe him now, I believe him. I am exhausted by living in this gray area, by never knowing. The Goddess brought us together, and She swore to me again tonight that She was right to do so.
He lays both his hands against the ground, palms down. "By the light of the Moon Goddess, in hardship and in ease, under pain of a thousand desert nights, I promise I'm sure no Solberg did this."
My mouth falls open. "That's our vow. How-?"
"I thought it might come in handy." He smiles. "Made a sailor teach me when Baz and I landed."
A laugh bursts from my lips, high and bright. There isn't a flicker in his gaze, not a second of hesitation. And he learned our words, my words, without even knowing what I would ask him. He sought out the way to commit himself without asking. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him.
All along, he's smelled of mint and that brown alcohol. Gritty, earthy, and cold. But in this oasis, the one I've held in my heart for so long, there's something else, something new there. A familiar sweetness. Like he's becoming one of us. And there is something... missing.
Earlier, kissing Anwen felt like rebellion. As if it were the last selfish choice I was allowed before truly dedicating myself to my people and becoming the leader they deserve. But below all that sat a hardness deep inside my chest. Something jagged and cruel that sliced at me whenever I considered him, the mark on my shoulder, the way I am pulled into his orbit. It reminded me over and over that I was lowering myself, making a fool of myself, pricing myself too cheaply.
That feeling is completely absent now. Warmth-love?-floods in to fill the space it occupied. Wanting Anwen isn't a selfish choice, isn't a betrayal of my people. It's an acceptance of the truth the Goddess wrote in the stars for us both.
A thought, quiet and sad, worms its way to the front of my mind. Kissing him is not a betrayal of Father, either.
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I clutch Anwen closer and inhale another lungful. My wolf howls, pleading for another round here, but I ignore her. There is more to this moment than physical pleasure.
If I believe Anwen, then Father would be proud. He seemed pleased before I disagreed with him, said there was nothing between Anwen and me. More than that, he would want to see me happy.
Anwen makes me happy. I believe him. But I need the world to believe him as I do, and I need to find the real culprit, whoever framed King Kieran. They deserve my true wrath. Together, Anwen and I will ensure they get it.
I pull back. He smiles at me.
"Should I take that as a good sign?"
I nod. "But it means this chapter in our life isn't finished."
"Our life," he repeats as if tasting the words. "What do you mean?"
"I have the beginning of a plan, but it requires us telling everyone we're mated." I peek up at him shyly. "And... scheduling a wedding."