Anwen
Pain screams through every limb, starting and ending in the center of my chest. Liquid fire burns through me. Someone is tearing my heart out.
I lurch up in bed, where I passed out after my run with Kieran, and find myself alone. Windows and doors all closed. I grope my chest. No sign of injury, but the pain isn't fading. For a moment, I think I've been poisoned. Then, the pain takes on the barest hint of a shape. It's not mine.
Estrella.
I throw myself across the room and out the door before I even have a second thought. The un-warmed castle hallways sink icy fingers into my skin. My loose, thin pajamas flap as I race toward my mate. Someone is hurting her, and I can't allow that. My teeth lengthen, and my nails sharpen. If it wouldn't slow me down, I'd stop in the armory for a blade. Anyone who touches her must die. I itch for the blood of the bastard causing her this pain and have to fight back a shift. In the tight halls and secret passages that shape the absolute fastest path to her, my wolf would only slow me down. I just barrel forward and curse whoever put the Sundrop Gem rooms so far from mine.
I burst into the hallway containing her room. A few servants preparing for the morning scatter. Fuck what anybody thinks, my mate needs me.
Her door is closed. I prowl closer, sniffing the air. No unfamiliar smells, though several of the delegates from other packs also sleep in this hall. No one I had marked as suspicious, either. I suck in a deep breath and rap on her door.
No answer. I press my ear to the wood, straining to hear anything.
Nothing at all.
"Fucking human ears," I hiss.
I try the knob. Locked.
The tiny corner of my mind I still recognize begs me to knock again, to wait, to think about how this will look. The rest of me, all animal, roars that I'm wasting time.
It's an easy decision to make.
I back up to the far wall, lead with my shoulder, and charge. New strength infuses my muscles. No one touches my mate. The wood splinters just above the doorknob, but it's enough. I slam my fist into the splintered section, punch through, and unfasten the heavy bolt from this side. Then, I wrench the door open and race inside.
No one in the sitting room. The only smells in here other than hers are mine and her friend, Tess. Something creaks in her bedroom.
This door, I smash through without hesitation. It isn't even locked, something I'll have to talk to her about.
She yelps from inside her canopied bed.
For a dark second, I consider that Birsha might've escaped. That he might have disguised his scent and be finishing the job this very moment, and I might not arrive in time. But the pain threatening to tear me limb from limb continues, an agonizing promise that she's still alive. I have one last chance to make the apology I meant to give her over breakfast in the morning. I leap the final distance, arrive at her bedside, and yank open the canopy.
Estrella lays there, alone. The sheets twist around her body, and her eyelids flutter wildly. Her dark hair spreads across her pillow like a thornbush.
"No," she whispers.
I drop to my knees next to her. There are many witches in this world, and if someone has discovered a way to attack her in her mind, I need to know who.
"Father, I...." Her sentences dribbles off, then resumes with a groan. "-the blood!"
She's dreaming of her father's death. There's no attacker, no enemy other than the one I've been fighting all along. All my adrenaline melts away, alongside the lingering traces of my earlier anger. It would be easy to get mad at her and let her bear the brunt of the pain. I want to be better than that. For her. And, hell, maybe for me.
As gently as I can, I put my hand on her shoulder and wake her.
Her eyes fly open, bloodshot around the gray. "Duck!"
The pain stops like flipping a switch. I pull my hand back. "You're all right. You're in bed. It was just a dream."
"A...dream?" Her cheeks go blotchy. Tears gather in her eyes. "A dream."
"A nightmare," I say. "But it's okay. There are a few hours left until morning."
She looks at me out of the corner of her eye. "Anwen."
"That's me." I smile softly. "I, uh, felt you."
"Felt me." She starts shaking violently and pulls her knees into her chest. "I felt him. Die."
My chest aches, and I don't know whether it's an echo of her pain or my own heart breaking for her.
"I know," I murmur. "I'm so sorry."
She only shakes harder. Clearly, she needs something, but I don't know what. I pat her arm.
Estrella flinches away.
"Sorry." I wince. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head furiously.
"Okay." I stare at the rug on the floor, racking my brains. All the information I learned, and I don't know shit about comforting people. "I can just talk to you."
She doesn't shake worse. She doesn't flinch. It might be the best I'm going to get.
Taking Kieran's advice, I go right for the hard stuff. Nothing I'd ever dream of bringing up with the girls I used to spend time with. "So, my mother's in the dungeons."
No response. That makes sense. I plunge forward.
"She has been for several weeks now. And I know that. I know exactly where she is. I could go visit her whenever I want." I sigh. "But I just haven't. I've been to my father's empty grave, but I've never visited her."
Estrella sucks in a breath. I pause, waiting for more from her, but there's nothing.
"My father... I knew exactly where I stood with him. We all did." I pluck at the rug. "Mother was-is different. I think Ingrid was her favorite, but I'm not sure. And, to be honest, I only really thought Father had anything useful to teach me. So I guess you were right about that."
More quiet, but her breath sounds a little more even.
"I don't want to be his son. But I never really was my mother's. I think she figured I was his problem. I don't know the woman in the dungeon, and her being there isn't really a great time to get to know her." I exhale in one big gust. "Shit. I didn't know that was the reason."
I look up at Estrella and find her watching me with wide eyes. I try a smile.
She seems to try one in return. Something in my chest flutters, fragile as a baby bird.
Goddess above, that's terrifying.
Estrella mumbles something.
I lean closer. "What?"
"Keep... going," she manages. "Anything."
"Okay." I nod. "I can do that."
I launch into a story from when Baz and I were young, one that doesn't make us look good. After that, I tell a couple stories about Finn and Ingrid. When she still wants more, I just start describing the secret passages in the castle, where they lead, and who I think built them.
It's weird, but there's something freeing in just talking. I don't watch every word for secondary implications, don't keep my weaknesses close to my chest, barely even watch her expression for reactions. She wants noise. That, I can provide.
"All right," she says eventually. "I'm... all right."
I look up at her. Dark bags underscore her eyes, and she chewed her lower lip bloody. My heart skips a beat. She's stunning.
"Do you want a hug?" I ask.
She takes a deep breath and scans my gaze. She's clearly torn, looking for something. When did I get so good at reading her? Or has she dropped some façade tonight too?
"All right," she whispers like she doesn't want anyone to hear.
I stand, and she scoots a little back from the edge of the mattress. Making space for me. I take the spot beside her and wrap my arms around her shoulders.
Her smell enfolds me. I wait for the usual burst of lust, but something bigger keeps it at bay. Little shivers shake her body like an icy pond threatening to crack. Her knotted hair sticks to her cheek, and I can see new tears threatening in her eyes. She is just barely holding herself together, just barely all right enough to tell me to go.
"Lie down," I murmur.
She doesn't even ask why, just pulls out of my arms and makes herself comfortable. My chest aches, and this time, I know the feeling's mine. She looks so fragile, so small.
I slip into the bed behind her, curl my body around hers, and tuck my arm over her waist. She stiffens for a second then relaxes on an exhale.
"There's a little bit of time til morning," I say. "I want to make sure you actually sleep."
The ghost of a smile curves her lips. I wish I was a painter so I could capture the moment to have forever. But it disappears, like all beautiful things do. I just nuzzle into her hair and breathe her in. She twines her fingers with mine, and I have never been more comfortable.
In mere moments, her breathing evens out. She's asleep. Our chests rise and fall in rhythm, like we've done this a million times. I could do it a million times and want to capture that smile every single time.
But this morning, I watch the sky start to lighten, turning from near-black to pre-dawn gray to pinkish. When it reaches pink, I force myself to disentangle from her. She doesn't want to be publicly mated, and I won't force her hand. That means I need to get back across the castle before enough people wake to start a rumor.
I drop a kiss on her forehead and leave, feeling like my heart is sitting in her chest behind me.
'Hey,' Baz's voice is worried over mind-link. 'You might want to get to the west tower.'