Anwen
My mouth falls open. Estrella's whole body is consumed in that light, the glow I saw the night her father was killed. She tilts her head back with a beatific smile, and something in my ribcage heals too. I knew she was going to be beautiful. But the dress, her hair, the smile... it's all too much. She looks like the Goddess Herself, more beautiful if I won't be struck down for saying it.
The holy woman raises her arms. "Praise the Moon Goddess, our kingdom is made whole!"
Prayers whisper through the crowd around me. I push forward, Baz on my heels. I have to be closer to her. It's an animal need, just like in the Haze itself.
"Many long centuries ago, two families led Sundrop Gem. From the first brothers, Jasiah and Jadiel, our twin kings and queens were always born. They led our people in tandem, one heart beating in two chests," the holy woman says.
I keep pushing. It's a nice story, but all I can think about is her, the scent of her blood in the air, and no one seems to want to let me pass.
"Jadiel's line was blessed with heat and built the southern palace, where we now reside," she says. "Jasiah's line was blessed with healing and built the northern palace, long lost above the desert. For eons, our people were whole. And then, Alpha King Yair was born."
Murmurs fill the hall as I push ahead. My heart hammers her name against my ribs.
"Alpha King Yair was the first of Jasiah's line born without power. So instead of leading with his brother to the south, he grew jealous. War followed, and Alpha King Yair led his people across the Lonely Sea." The holy woman lowers her head. "Jasiah's power has never again been seen in Sundrop Gem, nor in Dun's Crossing. For it to return is an auspicious sign of a powerful queen and a peaceful future."
I arrive at the front of the crowd, and Estrella takes my fucking breath away. She is rapt on the holy woman, still glowing softly. The small cut on her hand is already healed. She doesn't look at me, but for once, I don't mind. Everything in me screams for her, but this is more important.
"I give to the Goddess Luna Queen Estrella Alana Sollabella, first of her name and destined reunion of Sundrop Gem," the holy woman says.
Estrella turns to look out over the temple. Her gaze catches on me for a moment then sweeps on. "I give myself to the Goddess, and I give myself to you, Sundrop Gem." She curtsies deeply. "With an open heart and a stubborn mind."
A small chuckle ripples through the crowd. My chest aches. She's going to be incredible.
"Now, let us honor the Goddess and our Luna with a celebration!" the holy woman declares.
The whole pack turns and floods out the door Baz and I came through. He nudges me as we are forced out with the tide.
'Did you know about that?' he asks through mind-link.
I shake my head. Walking away from her hurts.
'Hell of a mate,' he says.
'Hell of a woman,' I reply.
And she hates me. Fuck.
The flow of bodies leads us out to an open courtyard with a mosaic floor in colors as vibrant as the clothes. Spiced meats and that sweet bread perfume the rapidly cooling night air. Baz and I stick out like sore thumbs. There's no one as pale or blond as us for what seems like miles-we certainly didn't see any on our way up from the docks-and I suddenly get what Estrella was talking about, complaining that the clothing in Dun's Crossing was dull. I just sort of assumed the jewel tones she and her family wore were a marker of royalty. Instead, everyone here, from servant on up, wears the same rainbow colors. It kind of makes my head hurt.
Baz stares wide-eyed around the array. I know that look. He's itching to jump in.
'Go,' I tell Baz. 'Enjoy. But be ready to drop everything and leave.'
'Sir, yes sir!' he replies.
I roll my eyes as he wades into the crowd. It won't be more than a minute before he has a dance partner and a drink. Once upon a time, I'd be out there with him. But I only have one person I'm looking for.
She appears at the edge of the courtyard, her glow slowly dimming, and everybody flocks to her. In a heartbeat, there's a crowd six shifters deep, vying for her attention. My stomach churns. I could announce myself, and there's no way that wouldn't clear a path, but I'm stuck with the fucking hard way. This is her night. She is a historic leader of her people, and I won't take that from her.
So I do what I'm good at. I get a glass of wine, pull my hood up over my head, and drift to the edge of the party. The courtyard is lined with columns that present a reasonable visual barrier, or at least the suggestion I don't want to be talked to. If I stare into my wine enough, people will assume I'm drunk. I consider sitting on the floor to complete the illusion, but I can't risk missing my moment.
That's what I need. A single moment alone with Estrella. A second to tell her it's not true and have her listen.
No, a second to tell her I'm sorry. That I know I can't live without her, and I'm willing to do whatever she needs-even sail across the sea on a stolen boat-to be with her.
From the shadows I grew up in, I watch her. She's nothing like the naïve, slightly awkward woman I met in Dun's Crossing. Here, she flits through the party like a butterfly. She never comes across anyone she doesn't already know by name, and most of them she greets with a specific question about something in their life she's already aware of. It's masterful work.
But as the party flows on, as she never so much as fumbles, I start to wonder if it really is work for her. I memorize facts about the nobility of Dun's Crossing to ingratiate myself with them, to seem pleasant and innocuous enough to loosen their tongue. Most of the things she knows don't really seem to do that. She asks a young man about his hopes for the Haze without a fluttering coquettish lash. She asks a child about their latest prank without their parents in earshot.
Realization dawns on me, and I feel like a moron. It's not work to her. When she says "her people," she means it. She cares about each and every one of them personally.
I turn away from the party and put my back to the pillar. Father barely cared about anyone other than Mother and his heir, that's simple. Mother cared about all us kids, in her own way. Kieran cares about the future of Dun's Crossing, about being an honorable king and restoring our name. Raven cares about protecting people who are being unfairly hurt, inside the kingdom and outside. None of them care about the citizens of the kingdom like... well, like their people.
Goddess above, Estrella is a miracle. An impossibility. There's no way someone like her will take another chance on someone like me. But fuck it, I have to try.
Finally, hours after the party starts, I find my moment. She steps away from a circle of admirers to refill her drink, then tilts her head up to the sky and takes a deep breath.
"Estrella," I say softly.
She doesn't jump. "What are you doing here?"
I had a whole speech planned. When I open my mouth, after watching her here, something else pours out. "I grew up alone."
She raises an eyebrow.
"That's not an excuse," I say quickly. "I just need you to know why I did what I did." I shake my head. "I grew up alone with five siblings, alone in a castle full of people. Castor can probably tell you what it's like to be the backup heir. And care, attention, appreciation... those were things you earned."
"That's all very sad, but I have-"
I hold up a hand to stop her, wince. "I know. Give me a second."
She crosses her arms. "You have one minute."
"If you wanted to impress Father, you showed him finished projects. Nothing less. Certainly nothing he'd have to finish himself. If you didn't, he had no time for you." I shove my hands in my pockets, feeling like a raw nerve. "And if he had no time for you, you might as well not exist. I didn't tell you about Harper because I knew it was a false lead, but I couldn't prove it yet, and telling you would be like asking not to exist anymore."
"Thirty seconds," she replies.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. "And I know that's not good enough. It's the easy way out. But Kieran told me a couple days ago that Father trained us to do things the easy way, and most of the work of getting out from under him is learning how to do it hard. That's why I'm here. Baz and I stole a boat and snuck over."
Her mouth falls open slightly.
"No one knows where we are, just that we're safe, and them ever knowing is up to you." I squeeze my hands into fists. "I can't live without you. Tried. It sucked. So I'm here to say that I'll be north of the city at two in the morning. If you see a future for us, meet me there. If not, Baz and I'll leave in the morning, and you'll never see us again."
My mark screams, saying that. I really don't think I can live without her. But the hard way is giving her the choice, treating her like a real other person with a stake here, so I'm doing it.
"Your time is up." Estrella turns and leaves.