I closed my eyes at those words. To hear him say that was a rush of a different kind. I’d hear that muffled whisper for the rest of my life.
Easily, he flipped me over. My legs dangled on either side of the padded bench. He hovered above me, his eyes darker than I thought possible. Arousal and desire creased his face as his hungry gaze swept over me.
For a moment, he hesitated, held himself back for me. He held himself above me, giving me time to run away again.
I wasn’t going anywhere. I waited, exposed to him, with my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I burned for him to touch me.
In a way, he was seeing me for the first time.
Then, he dipped a thumb down to brush against my panties grown damp with my desire.
I gasped and arched. “Jordan!”
Still he waited and watched. “I can’t help myself, when you come in here wearing my shirt, smelling like me, all sleepy and sexy.” His eyes slid down the length of me. His thumb stroked the core of my desire again and I bucked beneath him.
“Then you do that move, Raelynn.” His lips curved. “Do it again for me.”
This time when he stroked me, he didn’t stop with once. The entire world spun and I had to cling to him.
His thumb pushed me farther toward oblivion. “Jordan…please…” I begged. It didn’t matter that I
wanted him to touch me, because I wanted him inside me so much more.
I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine. I kissed him hard before wrapping my trembling legs around him.
“Rae…” He pulled his lips from mine and held himself so very still. I had the control, all of it. He’d meant what he’d said about making me trust him.
“Everything, Jordan, I want everything,” I breathed.
My clothes were gone before I had a chance to catch my breath, scattered beside the weight bench. He took me like that, in a motion as swift and perfect as he’d taken my clothes. I had no chance to second-guess myself, to feel anything other than the sensation of him parting me, sliding inside me.
Jordan didn’t hold himself back, not then.
It had never been that way, never had I imagined it could have been. I broke in a fast, chaotic explosion of pure feeling with his first stroke.
I clung to him and whimpered as he brought that in me again and again. I forgot that I lay wrapped around him on a weight bench. I forgot anything and everything, except Jordan inside me.
When at last sated, he rested his forehead against mine, kissing me even as he fought for breath, I knew everything I had ever known about sex had been wrong. Any fantasy I’d ever had hadn’t given Jordan enough credit. As big as he was, he’d been gentle. As demanding as he was, he’d sought only to please me.
He’d done all of that while holding himself above me on a weight bench that had not been made for what we used it for.
“I bet you’re even better at it in bed.” I giggled as I fought to catch my breath.
His laugh vibrated right through me. I hoped that it would always be this way between us.
“You have no idea.” He nipped my bottom lip. “Show me.”
And he did, carrying me to the bedroom and showing me, over and over again, until I found myself completely exhausted and sprawled across his bare chest.
“Broken, beat, and scarred.” I ran my fingers across the black ink that spanned his chest. Beneath the first letters a long thin scar ran. I had a vague memory about surgery on his shoulder when he’d first moved here, him riding a bike with a sling at one point.
“Metallica?” My brother had listened to enough metal in my lifetime for me to recognize it.
“Yeah.” His eyes follow my fingers as they traced over scars.
“Maybe you should revisit the Tonto phase. Did you really like the long hair?” It was a funny memory, one that left my heart happy. Before there were race cars, there’d been heavy metal music.
“Nah, just Aiden. The rest of us were down for the sound.” He brushed the hair from my face as I traced the thick scar. “I wrenched it out of the socket, shredded it inside. Took two surgeries to fix it.”
I flinched. “How old were you?”
“Eleven, it happened the day I moved here.” I knew there was more but trusted he’d tell me in his own time. He surprised me by telling me then. “When my mom dropped me off here, I held onto the car as she drove away. I wanted to stop her from leaving, she dragged me three houses down before it hurt so bad I had to let go. I don’t think she ever looked back to see me holding on.”
I hadn’t seen that, I wondered if Aiden knew. If my parents had known, they wouldn’t have said a word. It made sense now why my mom had instantly taken to the wild, cocky kid next door.
“I hated myself for wanting her to stay.” A child’s forgotten shame tainted his voice.
“You were a kid. All kids want their mom.” I tried to keep the anger at bay. What type of parent would hurt their child that badly, what sort of parent would just drop him off and drive away without ever looking back?
“Not all mothers are like yours, Rae.” He nuzzled my hair. “The best thing she ever did for me was leave me with the old man. I should have been happy she was gone. After a while, all I could feel was relief.”
My heart broke for the little boy he’d been. In that heartbreak, I found a connection to Jordan I’d never had before. “You weren’t my first,” I whispered and heat rushed to my cheeks. “You should have been, but you weren’t.”
His fingers drew lazy circles on my back, but he kept his peace.
When after a few minutes, he didn’t say a word, I continued. “I wanted it to be you.” I gave a nervous laugh as I snuggled my face closer against his bare chest. “Even when I was dating Hunter I didn’t…because I wanted my first to be y—”
“It should have been me.” When I look up, he gave me a lazy grin. “So, we’re just going to pretend it was. It’ll keep me from wanting to knock someone’s teeth out.”
He was mock serious, but there was a glint in his eye that had me holding my tongue and my secrets. He’d protect me, he’d keep me safe, but at what cost?
“What is it, Rae?” All humor had left his face.
I chewed my bottom lip and pushed up from his chest. “Secrets.”
I slipped from the bed and started pulling on my clothes from the night before.
“Well, they weren’t in a pile on your floor, but close enough.” His grin was as cocky as it was confident.
I swatted at him with my shirt. “I need to eat.”