The room plunged into semi-darkness as he flipped off the overhead light. “Here.” His voice was as soft as his movements as he stood and pulled a white t-shirt from a drawer. Just like that, he’d cut off that line of discussion. I hadn’t even realized he’d done it until I was tucked into his bathroom and changing into the shirt he’d given me.
“How do you—” I stopped talking as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom.
I’d never seen Jordan with his shirt off, ever. I gave myself credit for not standing there with my mouth agape. Even if I was awestruck, my mouth going dry and my cheeks warming.
His chest was wide and corded with thick muscle. He was built in such a way that made me want to climb all over him. I blinked once, and saw that he was covered with scars and a massive tattoo. The letters were tall, black, with vines of Cherokee lettering accenting each letter across his chest. I’d seen tribal tattoos before, but nothing quite like this.
“What happened?” I went to him, without thinking, brushing my fingers over the discolored skin. The scars were so old, that’s all they were now, skin several shades lighter than caramel skin everywhere else.
He caught my fingers and nudged me toward the bed beside us, ignoring my question completely. “You look dead on your feet.”
I rolled my eyes. “Are you scared?”
He gave me a harrowing look. Years ago, it would have shut me up, but not tonight.
“Tell me,” I urged him as I put one knee on the
bed. I didn’t crawl in. Doing so would mean I was in his bed, with him towering over me. The thought was too thrilling for me to do it. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of anything, I needed to right myself, to find myself on even footing with him.
“Rae—” He sighed and shook his head. “I just—” He climbed onto the bed and pulled me down with him with a grace and ease that his size belied. There was a rush of clean, masculine scent as he pulled the sheets over us. “You have your secrets, kid, and I have mine.”
“Touché.” I didn’t ask again. How could I when he wrapped those strong arms around me and pulled me against his chest? He was warm, safe, and helped me forget all those things that I tried to put behind me.
Of course, I wanted to know his secrets and maybe a part of me wanted to tell mine as well. Those scars gave me a tether, a tether to someone who had been hurt but wasn’t weak. Someone strong enough to hold me and my demons as I fell asleep.
****
This time my nightmare was different. It started the same as it had been that horrific night. The sights, the smells. Real fear gripped me, and for several beats of my heart it was happening all over again. Except, I could breathe. I was steadier this time. I didn’t feel smothered, choked to death…I was strong.
When the villain of my nightmare looked at me, the words he spoke didn’t steal my soul. They still left me reeling, but I was no longer frightened and alone.
Stronger.
I woke gasping, sucking in as much air as I could. Yet, I wasn’t shaking or scared. Everything around me was unfamiliar and out of focus. I blinked away the fog of the dream and a framed photograph of a familiar car in a wheel stand came into focus.
I immediately recognized the car and the room. I felt tougher than I had before because I was in Jordan’s room, in his bed, wrapped in sheets that still smelled of him. Jordan gave me strength, he bolstered everyone’s strength.
Alone in his bed, I slid farther down in the sheets. I inhaled the scent of him, buried my face into his pillow that had grown cool in his absence, and anchored myself to reality. I’d fallen asleep in his arms, sought sanctuary in his embrace. That was real.
I’d slept with a knowledge that I hadn’t had before.
Born from a place without fear. Caleb only haunted me and hurt me because I let him. I’d come home to free myself, not to hide, but to remember who I was. Jordan had helped me remember, made it okay for me to feel again.
The words Caleb said, the pain he’d caused, couldn’t hurt me anymore. If I stopped living, I’d only have all the bad things. Part of finding myself again was remembering to live. To let good things replace the bad.
I slid from the bed and went in search of Jordan. I found him across the hall, in a bedroom that he’d turned into a home gym. He lay on a weight bench, pressing a bar up and down over his chest in a slow, deliberate rhythm.
“Aren’t you supposed to have someone spot you when you do that?” The words rolled out of my mouth in a husky voice, heavy with sleep.
He spoke through winded pauses and never looked up. “You gonna…spot me…Rae?”
I sat hard on his stomach, forcing him to look at me. What little breath he had left came out in a whoosh. He still pushed on through his set. “Consider yourself spotted,” I teased.
Jordan had intended for me to stay with him, so that I would trust him. He’d been right on the money. I trusted him implicitly. There was never any doubt.
I’d been panicked before. Not anymore. I needed to
feel alive. I needed Jordan.
He racked the barbell and sat up quickly. As if I weighed nothing, he spun me around so that I straddled him.
I let out a startled laugh. I was living.
My mouth went dry at the blatant desire that shone in his eyes. I moistened my lips with my tongue and held my breath.
A thin sheen of sweat coated his brow and seeped through his shirt, making it obvious he’d been in here for a while. This was a guy who could have any girl in Arkadia. This was the man I’d wanted as long as I could remember.
Positive that I wouldn’t panic, I slowly let out the breath I’d been holding and reached for his shoulders.
He wanted me. I could see the desire in the breathless parting of his lips. Straddling him like I was, I could feel the blatant evidence pressed against me.
I wanted him, more than I ever had.
When he kissed me, his large hands gripped my thighs. I was alive with that kiss, tingles of arousal shooting out all over me. His tongue slid like satin against mine. His lips and tongue moved lazily as my body undulated against him in response.
His moan vibrated against my lips. I’d never imagined a moan could be so sexy. But, from him, it was. I wanted beyond anything to make him do it again. Jordan pulled away and left me breathless, my lips swollen. I throbbed from my chest all the way down to
where his swollen cock was pressed against me.
“Much better,” he murmured almost sleepily, his thumb trailing tenderly down my cheek and across my mouth.
Confused and reeling, I traced the path his thumb had taken. “What is?”
“You were pale last night, now you aren’t.” His voice was lazy and his eyes heavy lidded. I wasn’t fooled, not as his hands began to explore up my sides, beneath the oversized t-shirt.
“I don’t see how I could be.” I could feel the red heat in my cheeks and across my chest.
His smile was sly and slow to come as he pushed up my shirt. “What color are you everywhere else?”
His touch on my skin made it impossible to answer him. Heat that simmered up from the most feminine part of me made it impossible to think.
I needed his touch too much to run this time or ever again.
“My God—” His voice was so hoarse with desire it thrilled me. “You’re beautiful.” Calloused, work worn hands slid across my ribs, moving higher beneath the shirt, reminding me of all the times I’d imagined this moment.
He leaned in, his hips moving with promise beneath me. It was a promise I would hold him to if only he’d hurry. When his lips brushed my neck a shiver ran across my skin. The same urgent desire that stole my voice made me wriggle against him. I earned a deep rumble of appreciation for the movements.
“Rae…” His hands sought purchase at my breasts and his lips moved down my neck.
I knew where those hot, compelling lips were going. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and urged him onward. I wanted it, I wanted his lips on me, I wanted him. I had always wanted Jordan.
When his mouth found a taut nipple, I cried out with pleasure.
My hands fell to his shoulders and my body moved against the onslaught of sensations. I needed more, I needed whatever it was he was holding back.
He took his time.
“Jordan!” I gasped when he sucked hard on my nipple. My body liquid with yearning. Still, he teased, his hands molding on my hips now, holding me in place as I tried to rock against him. “Please…”
“So beautiful,” he murmured against my skin. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”