“How? You weren’t in the car with Devin.” There was no sarcasm, no hint of anything he could have been insinuating.
“It was my fault they were fighting.” I finally forced myself to look at Hunter. His muscled form backlit from the orange lights of the parking lot. “I knew Devin had a thing for me, but I made a play at Jordan anyway.”
Hunter laughed outright and slid from the tailgate to move rocks around with his feet. “Raelynn, babe, there’s no way you made a play at Jordan Slater that he didn’t see coming and steer himself right in the path of.”
When I started to argue, he cut me off.
“You were there that night he tried to fight me over you. Do you really think you had to make a play? We’ve all been watching the tug of war between the two of you for years.”
“No, it wasn’t like that for Jordan—”
He snorted. “The hell it wasn’t. Take him off the pedestal of self-righteousness you’ve put him on. He’s just a man, Raelynn. Why do you think I kept asking you out in high school? I couldn’t get the guy to fight me, I couldn’t get him to race, so I fucked with him the only way I knew how. Taking you out was the equivalent of poking the sleeping bear.”
“Gee, thanks.” I rolled my eyes.
“No, I mean, sure I liked you. You’re hot, you’re funny, and you like guy stuff. Hanging out with you wasn’t a chore.”
“He would have never dated me if I’d left it alone.”
My sneakers kicked against each other now as they swung right to left. “It doesn’t matter what you say, I saw him and talked to him. I know him, I know what he wants and that’s not to be reminded of what I caused and what I cost us both.”
“He’s a grown ass man, Raelynn. He made his own choices, he knew full well what he was doing.”
Exasperated, I tossed my hands in the air, palms up in defeat.
“See!” He nudged my shoulder with his as he sat back down beside me. “We’ve all known you two would end up together, it was only a matter of you coming home and seeing that he felt the same way about you. Devin didn’t show any real interest until you came back. So where does that make him suddenly more important than what was between you and Jordan?”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I’d played the martyr since the moment I’d seen the agony on Jordan’s face. Hunter slid from the tailgate, as if he couldn’t sit still for more than a few seconds. Beneath all that muscle was a boundless energy.
“The way I see it, Raelynn, it was always supposed to be you and Jordan. Devin dying, that was a rough hand we got dealt. Nobody wanted that, he took a piece of us with him. But you and Jordan, that’s something real. Even if you’d ended up with Devin or…” His grin was quick and sly. “Me…it wouldn’t be real.”
“It was real,” I agreed. “It was always real. But at what cost? Too much, Hunter. Jordan loving me caused us all too much pain.”
Hunter crossed his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels in a move that reminded me of Aiden.
“Has it ever occurred to you he’s feeling pretty much the same way you are? That he has been from the get go. That he feels like he cost you too much?”
“Yes.” It had. “That’s why I went to talk to him a few days ago. He told me to go, even when I begged him to let me stay, he wanted me to go. So, I left. It’s done. It’s over. He doesn’t want me, now I move on.”
“That’s the way it is, huh?”
“That’s the way it is, Hunter.” I slid from the tailgate of the truck, angry now. “I’ve known him nearly my entire life. I know how to read him. I know what he said to me. I know what Devin’s death has done to all of us!”
“Really? Are you sure you weren’t seeing what you wanted to see? That it wouldn’t be easier to take the blame, wallow in your own self-pity, and walk away? Easier to punish yourself, for some misplaced guilt. Because if he is stupid enough to let you get away? Then that’s on him, and he’s an idiot.”
Though he was annoying me, this was the reason I’d always liked Hunter. “Hunter East, you are smarter than most people I know.” I didn’t want to admit that he was making sense, didn’t want to admit that realization dawned on me. It was a sickening, vile feeling, to realize that he could be right. “I need to go. I need to think. I want this all to go away.”
I tried to shove past him and walk inside, deciding that beer wasn’t good enough anymore. This one called for something stronger.
“Let me go, Hunter,” I growled when he stepped in front of me.
“I will if you answer one question for me.” He wasn’t angry, in fact his face was kind. I stood still and gazed back at his kindness with defiance. “Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I spat through clenched jaws.
“The Rae I know would fight for love.” He moved past me and shut the tailgate.
“I wish you’d all stop saying that!” I shouted to the sky and at no one in particular. I was done fighting, hadn’t I fought enough already? Wasn’t it time Jordan started fighting for me?
I stalked away from Hunter. I’d come here tonight with Hadley to drown my sorrows, to mourn the loss of Devin and in a way Jordan, too. Instead, I was left with more feelings than I could handle and a whole new batch of guilt.
On a frustrated huff, I pushed open the door and braced for the onslaught of smoke that would fill my lungs.
Inside a large, familiar body turned toward me from the bar. I froze and looked past him for an exit, my heart beating so hard in my chest I couldn’t breathe. All I could think was he wasn’t supposed to be there.
Yet, there he was.
In nothing but a black tee and jeans, Jordan Slater took my breath away.