Hailey's POV
I looked at Ian, feeling utterly torn to shreds. Between what happened last night and this morning's news, I had no idea how I was standing. Liv was going through her worst nightmare, only she was pregnant while doing it. The first thought that ran through my mind when Lucas told us the news was utterly selfish. It washed me with guilt. How could I worry about Ian wanting to be by her side over how Liv was doing? I worried that all the progress Ian had made in letting her go would fly out the window. Some best friend I have turned out to be.
"Are you okay?" His sweet voice snapped me out of my thoughts, meeting those kind blue eyes once more.
"No, are you?"
"Not at all."
We were both silent, thinking of Liv and what she must be going through and will have to go through. How does this work when you're pregnant? Will she survive? Will the baby? It felt like too much, too overwhelming to think about, and it wasn't even happening to me. My feelings bubbled up, spilling out as tears silently streamed down my cheeks. Ian got off the floor, coming to my side and taking a seat beside me. Those safe arms wrapped around me again, helping me hold myself together.
"What is she going to do?"
"I don't know, My Light. Whatever it is, we will be by her side to help her. Even if just by watching Abi while she gets treatment," he whispered, kissing my shoulder as we stared at the extension of Liv in front of us. Abi was growing so fast, already pulling herself up on furniture and trying to walk.
"Can she even get treatment while pregnant?"
"I honestly don't know, but I am sure she's looking into everything and weighing her options," he assured me, trying to get my worrying mind to calm down.
"She can't die."
"She can't," he agreed, as if uttering those words made them law. I wish they did.
"We need to talk to her. Why didn't she tell me anything?"
A small shred of anger surfaced at the thought of her keeping this a secret, trying to tough it out on her own as usual. I thought she had learned by now to depend on others. It seemed relying on others for the bigger things in life was something she couldn't do. I hurt for Lucas and Abi. Never have I seen Lucas look so distraught...so broken. I understood the feeling, though, of worrying about the girl I had deemed an adoptive sister. At this point, Liv was a part of my family, no question about it.
"She didn't tell me either. She's always been like that, taking on the burdens of the world all by herself. When we were in high school, she had gone hungry for two days straight, not telling me a thing until she fainted in my arms after school one day. That was the day I took her to my house for the first time, because she refused to go to the hospital. I know why now, but back then I didn't understand it. My mom fed her mountains of food and I made sure to make her come to my house every day after, if only to eat."
Ian gave me a peek into the horrors that Liv once lived and the way Ian brought a light to her life. It's no wonder she has such a soft spot for him. How could she not? I don't know how she could be so strong when the world was determined to crush her from the start. Of all the people, she's the one who least deserves to have her body riddled with cancer. Diosito, please, please, don't let her die.
"You were keeping her alive back then. I am sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to with Liv. It's obvious your story sounded like the start of a romance novel, but your ending wasn't quite right." I may want him to let her go, to be over her finally, but that doesn't mean I don't feel bad for him.
"It led me to you. You're the light in my life now, Hailey. You've brought me out of the darkness I put myself in when I lost her. It's you who has brought out this stronger side of me. No one has ever quite pushed me the way you do." He smiled as he gently turned my head by my chin. "For the longest time, I have been hung up on Red. But you pushed that feeling away. Red will always hold a special place in my heart, but I get a feeling you'll hold a larger and more important spot."
His confession rattled me, causing my chest to tighten. The fear of him choosing Liv over me was growing smaller, while the fear of heartbreak grew larger. Ian was going to swallow me whole, leaving me absolutely crushed if he decided I was no longer what he wanted- if he ever changed his mind. The fear was crippling, keeping me quiet as my mind spun with trepidation.
"Do you feel up for a walk with Abi? I think fresh air might do us all some good." Ian rubbed my arm softly as he asked, staring at Abi, who was desperately trying to reach the TV screen to slap her own reflection.
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." I nodded, needing something else to be said so I wouldn't have to admit my feelings to myself, yet alone to Ian.
I went to stand, but Ian held me tight a moment longer. When I turned to look at him, he kissed me so lovingly that it made my world turn on its axis. He melted me right into him, opening my heart so wide that he could step in at any moment. Maybe it was the news of Liv's cancer or the thought of us losing her that drove Ian to kiss me in such a way. However, the way our lips intermingled was nothing short of our souls meeting one another. His feelings were raw and huge. I could practically taste them on his tongue.
"I am sorry I was such an idiot before, Hailey."
I didn't have to say a word as he got up, leaving me speechless just as he scooped Abi up. He tossed her carefully in the air, catching her on the way down as she giggled. Seeing Ian with Abi made me wonder what kind of father he would be. How was Ian raised? What are his parents like? There's so much about him I don't know about- fundamental things I should really know before I fall for him.
We headed out, walking around the block a few times as we enjoyed the sun against our skin. The day seemed to be heading back in a good direction as my mind processed this morning's news. I know for a fact that Liv has been keeping up with her screenings, so they must have caught the cancer early enough for her to be okay. There's no real way for me to know until she tells me about it, but I am hopeful that's the case.
"Do you think she will tell us soon?" I asked Ian, wondering when Liv would finally open up about what had apparently been bothering her this whole time.
"We just need to tell her we know already," Ian suggested.
"Are you crazy? We can't do that!"
"She's not going to tell us on her own. This is Red we're talking about."
"But it's not. This is Liv we are talking about. She's not the high school girl you knew. In her own time, she will tell us what's going on," I argued, knowing that Red and Liv were both Olive, but two versions of her we each knew. He knows past Olive- Red- who suffered abuse, bullying, and neglect and was desperate for escape. Whereas I knew Olive - Liv, who is the most resilient, strong, and careful person. She will tell me when she's ready. I just know it.
"I know she's not in high school anymore. But she's just as stubborn, and she isn't going to tell us about the cancer until her hair falls out, or she knows for sure she's going to die." His pace slowed as he seemed to grow a bit frustrated, which only spiked my defensiveness up.
"That's not true. It may be a little while, yes, but she will tell us on her own."
"I hope you're right, but I really don't think she will. At least not this time. We're her best friends and her husband should know before us. Lucas is the guy she chose, yet she hasn't told him a word. We'll see," he said, walking up ahead as we rounded the corner.
It was clear he was frustrated, not liking the different views we had of the same person. I think this has always been our thing since we first met. Who knew Liv best? Who was her actual best friend?
"I just hope she talks to Lucas soon. I don't think he knows about her being pregnant yet either." I tried to push the conversation over this odd hurdle.
"I was thinking the same. It's hard to imagine how he will react to the news now. I'm not really sure he'll be excited to know."
The comment bothered me a lot. Yes, Liv now has cancer and being pregnant complicates it immensely, but a baby is a baby. It should be rejoiced and loved no matter what your circumstances in life are. I felt that perhaps Ian wasn't as happy about the news as he had been the day before.
"He better be excited. That's his child."
Ian stayed quiet, but the expression on his face told me he had more to say on the matter. He was just holding back, probably not trying to argue with me. For once, I let it go, not pursuing an argument on a day like this. It was becoming clear to me that Ian and I were not going to agree on a lot of things when it came to Liv or her life.