Ian's POV
I'm an idiot. I really, really am. When I showed up at her door and saw her glossy eyes, I knew she'd been crying last night. It's all my fault. How could I be so stupid? Why can't I just let Red go?
All I can think about right now is Hailey and how I might lose her. It's tearing me up inside, knowing I hurt her. She didn't deserve that. I should have never let myself get so carried away with her. She deserves someone better than me. Yet, I don't want to let her go. I really don't know what to do, and it's driving me insane.
Marco: Dinner tonight? It might be your last chance to eat my wife's cooking.
His message gave me a short reprieve from my looping thoughts. Perhaps being around him and his family will help set my head back on track. Maybe I could tell Marco about my problems, and he could give me some advice. He'd understand the feelings I have for Red. He married his high school sweetheart, surely he'd understand where I'm coming from.
Ian: I'd love to. What time?
Marco: 6
Ian: See you then. Send me your address.
Marco sent me his location a few minutes later, showing me he lived closer than I thought. I had a lot of time to kill, so I began to organize my things again. Starting with my kitchen. I cleaned out my fridge and cabinets. I then moved onto my closets, pulling everything out of the walk-in closet. My room appeared like a tornado had swept through it, blowing my items all over the floor. When I went to grab the last box, a shoebox- I hadn't noticed- fell off, spilling its contents all over the floor. I realized what it was as I collected everything off the floor. It was a time capsule I had made with Red before I moved to London. I was supposed to bury it near the high school, but I never got the chance.
I picked up the beaded bracelet she had made for each of us. One said best, and the other said friend. It was too cheesy, so we decided not to wear them after the first week. It was the first thing we threw into this box. I then found countless photo booth pictures of the two of us at whatever school function was happening at those times. There was one in which we were dressed in our costumes for Halloween at the fall festival. Another one was where we had our faces painted in school colors at the bonfire. We were both so happy in those moments. They were fleeting moments that I didn't make the most of. I should have told her how I felt.
Maybe then I could have had my chance. If it hadn't worked out, I could have been heartbroken for a bit, but then I would have been able to move on. I think it's worse to be stuck in the what if part.
What if I had told her? What if she had told me how she felt? What if I had found her sooner when I got back? What if I had found her before Lucas? Those questions are always there, but I don't want them. I just can't stop them. I really do want to be over Red. I'm so tired of feeling this way and of being like this. Someone tell me how I can let go of her permanently.
I shoved the reminders of her back in the box and decided I'd bury it tomorrow. I don't need this in my closet. It took an hour or so before I finished organizing, having a large bag to donate by the end of it. I decided to take it to the donation center to kill more time. The drive was nice, with enough sunshine to release some endorphins. When I got back in the car, I noticed I had a couple of unread texts.
Red: What are you up to? I need to talk to you, but I want to do it in person.
Ian: I just left the donation center. Wanna meet me for lunch?
Red: Sounds perfect.
Ian: Usual spot?
Red: Yes! See you there :)
I had a strange feeling in my chest as I headed towards the little bistro uptown. Normally I'd be feeling excited to see her, of course, having that usual bittersweet feeling too. All I felt was a tight sadness in my chest, feeling torn right down the middle.
I arrived before her, taking our usual spot by the window. She arrived shortly after, scanning the area for me. When she spotted me, she gave me a sweet smile. Her hair was pulled back and tied away as if she had given up on trying to make it do anything else. She sat before me with her hands clasped in front of her, looking almost nervous.
"What's up?" I asked her, feeling a little concerned now.
"I wanted to apologize for using you and Hailey last night. I shouldn't have asked you guys to come to dinner to try to prove a point to Lucas. It was stupid and just not right of me," she started, fiddling her thumbs as she stared at them.
"I don't mind. You're fine, Red. I'm your friend, it's just one of the many things I'm here for."
"I really am happy for you. Hailey is such an amazing woman. I can't picture a better match for you, Ian," she continued, throwing me off a bit by her statement.
"I'm glad to hear you're not upset about it. I was worried you were mad last night when you suddenly left the table."
"Yeah, about that. Honestly, it was just poor timing. I was feeling sick to my stomach."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay now?" I asked her, feeling stupid for thinking anything else last night. There was never a chance, and there never will be.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I wanted to make sure that you didn't misinterpret my actions last night. I am truly happy that you and Hailey are together. It was a little shocking to hear at first, but I'm overjoyed that it happened. I do wish you guys would have told me sooner. That part hurt a little bit, but that's it." She finally looked back up at me, meeting my gaze with a light smile.
"Okay, Red. Thank you for clearing that up." I nodded.
The rest of lunch wasn't as chatty as usual.
We were rather silent, at least for us. It felt a bit awkward for some reason, but I'm not sure why. It was almost as if there was some tension in the air. Red ate quickly, having to go back to work before her lunch hour was up. She gave me a very light and small hug before she left.
What is this feeling? It almost feels like awkwardness, but I've never felt that way around her. Why am I feeling it now?
Pushing that feeling aside, I headed back home. Along the way, I spotted a record store among the busy shops. Somehow, I got lucky enough to find a spot to park, taking the opportunity to go inside and see what this place had to offer.
The smell was unusual- something I couldn't quite place- but it was oddly comforting. An older gentleman greeted me at the door with his shaded glasses and jazzy vibe. I gave him a small nod before I perused his shop, finding records I enjoyed. My fingers carefully flipped through his collection, stopping when I saw a group Hailey liked. I smiled, thinking of her dancing to it before the sadness came rushing back. I can't lose her.
Evening finally came, and all I could think about was Hailey and how much I had screwed this whole thing up. The feelings I have for Red seem to be dwindling, but they refuse to let go fully. Hailey won't take me this way. She won't. A relationship needs trust to work, and she wouldn't trust me until she knew without a doubt that I no longer had feelings for Red.
I drove down the dimly lit streets toward Marco's home. Perhaps he could impart some sage wisdom to me. Help is desperately needed right now, as I'm learning that I'm honestly the worst at relationships. The heavy clank of his metal knocker against his wood door made my heart race for some reason. What does the home of high school sweethearts look like after a few decades together? The door opened to an unexpected sight, causing me to question what I had gotten myself into.
"Jacobi, you know not to answer the door by yourself!" A woman around Marco's age came marching down the hall, clearly scolding her child.
The boy was young, probably no more than 5 years old. His hair was just like Marco's, down to the way he styled it. Although he seemed to have the same color eyes as his mother, she used those light brown eyes to stare sternly at her child.
"Go fetch your father now, before I start lecturing you."
Jacobi scurried away, racing down the hall before sharply turning right and out of sight. The woman- I am presuming to be Marco's wife- eyed me wearily for a moment before she spoke. "Can I help you with something?"
"Yes, sorry. Um, Marco invited me to dinner. I think I have the right house." I felt like maybe Marco had forgotten to tell his wife I was coming by the way she was looking at me.
"Nope, it's the right house. At least for now. Come on in." She gestured with her arm for me to enter, pulling the door open more as an invitation.
"I am sorry if I'm being an intrusion. I could leave if you need me to. It seems like Marco may have forgotten to tell you about me."
"No need. He didn't forget to tell me. He just decided not to," she huffed, clearly upset at him. "He always does this, and I'm so over it."
"I'm sorry?" I apologized, not sure what else to do or say to that. This definitely wasn't what I was expecting. Perhaps I've been watching too many romance movies, because this didn't seem to fit the bill I had in mine.
"No need. In a couple weeks' time, he won't be my problem anymore." She shrugged.
Her comments made me feel deeply concerned about my new friend. Something tells me I'm missing a crucial piece of information here. Of course, I couldn't be rude and just ask about these private and personal matters. My mother taught me better manners than that. Dad, on the other hand, taught me clever ways to reveal truths.
"I see, and this excites you?" I asked her, acting as if I knew what she was talking about.
"Not necessarily, but it does relieve me, that's for sure. Being married to this man has been nothing but work and stress. I think I'll enjoy my calm once the separation starts."
I was perplexed by the callus way she spoke of her separation from Marco. It explained a lot about my co-worker's melancholy as of late. I just don't understand why he would want me to come and add fuel to the fire by stressing her out. An unexpected guest always stressed my mother out, and Dad would get an earful every time. Marco suddenly stepped out with Jacobi again, rounding the corner.
"Ah, Ian. Welcome! Glad you made it. I see you met my wife Talia. She's a beauty, isn't she?" He looked at her with utter devotion and love, but the look was not mirrored on Talia's face. In fact, she seemed highly annoyed, and perhaps rightfully so.
"We're going to talk about this later, for now, go outside and get your children to come in and wash up before dinner," she instructed him, rolling her eyes and heading to the kitchen with Jacobi on her tail.
"You could have either told her about me or warned me about stressing her out," I said as I followed him towards the back door.
"Where's the fun in that?" He laughed, but it was a sad laugh. There was some deeper reason why he did what he did. I just wish I could understand it.