Hailey's POV
I couldn't believe what he had just asked. It was what I was hoping for, but I couldn't believe it had actually come from his mouth. His question hung in the air as my mind raced to decide whether or not I should say yes. Of course, I wanted to, but I worried that I would only be setting myself up for failure. My own words came rushing to me, reminding me of what I had told Liv when she was feeling the same way about Lucas. Inhaling deeply, I pushed back my fears, staring straight into those blue eyes of his and nodding my head yes.
"I would love nothing more," I answered, seeing his face light up. That smile of his warmed my aching heart. Tonight had been traumatizing, yet as I lay here in Ian's arms, the only thing I felt was safe and loved.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked me, being cautious after tonight's events. I nodded, needing to replace the feel of Juan's lips on my skin. I felt such shame, as if it were my own fault, even though I knew I shouldn't feel this way. Ian leaned in slowly, never taking his eyes off mine. It felt as if he were trying to be sure I wouldn't change my mind as he approached me. He was being careful with me, and I both appreciated it and hated it. I didn't want him to feel like he had to be careful with me.
Everything felt right for the split second that Ian's lips were on mine. His fingers gripped my chin delicately as he pulled away. He then kissed my forehead and told me to go to sleep. The promise of him being here in the morning was the only thing that allowed me to close my eyes and sleep. His arms stayed around me all through the night. Anytime I would start to have a bad dream, I would feel him squeeze me tightly. It was as if his arms were around me in my dreams as well, keeping me safe. He fought my monsters for me as I slept.
The flush of a toilet woke me to an empty bed, causing me to sit up so fast my head spun. I looked around for him, finally spotting him in my bathroom as he opened the door. His eyes held such deep concern for me as he saw me. In a flash, he was by my side, kneeling down by the bed and taking my hand.
"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked, seeming worried. I shook my head, feeling a bit embarrassed now. "I'm sorry. It was the toilet, wasn't it? See, I thought about not flushing, because I didn't want to wake you. But then, on the other hand, I thought that was gross and you wouldn't appreciate it. Ultimately, I chose to take my chance and flush, but I am sad I woke you. I was going to sneak back in bed and hold you longer," he explained. All the while, his eyebrows danced as his expression changed rapidly throughout his explanation. The action and insight into his thoughts made me crack a smile before I began to giggle.
"You made the right choice, and it's not like you can't lay in bed and hold me now. I think I would much rather spend the day like this with you, anyway." I patted the bed beside me, seeing him smile once more.
His smile had grown since we first met. It had always been charming but lacked luster. Recently, it was as bright as the moon in a dark sky. His eyes would crinkle on the sides, making his whole face show the joy he felt. His eyes lit up and his teeth shone brightly as he looked at me, jumping on the bed and tackling me down. I laughed, feeling joy despite everything that had happened last night. On the worst night of my life, he made it better. He kept me from crumbling and never getting back up again. As I lay here with him on top of me, seeing the admiration he felt for me in his eyes, I couldn't help but smile. He brushed my hair out of my face sweetly, pressing his lips against my forehead.
"You're absolutely beautiful. You know that?" He whispered, staring straight into my eyes as he said it.
"Ha! No way. My hair must be a big mess right now. Not to mention my makeup is probably smeared all over my face in the worst way. You got me already. You don't have to lie to keep me." I laughed it away, not used to being paid compliments like this.
"I mean it, Hailey. It's your happiness and light that make you beautiful, no matter what state your hair or makeup are in." He looked so serious as he spoke, as if he wanted me to be sure of his words. I arched a brow in question at him, wondering why he felt so adamant about me believing his compliment.
"Okay, fine. Thank you."
"Glad we could see eye to eye," he joked with me, causing me to roll my eyes with a smile.
"Well, you may think I look beautiful right now, but I feel gross. So, how about a shower?" I asked, really wanting to shower off the reminders of yesterday but not wanting to be alone.
"I don't think that we should be physically intimate yet, given everything that happened. Please know that I won't rush you in any way, but I also don't want to take advantage. Whatever happens physically with us will be entirely up to you and on your timetable." He suddenly seemed to freak out on me.
"Um, thanks?" I wasn't really sure what to say to that, as I hadn't even really thought of that myself. My mind hadn't even come across the thought yet, but I can see how he assumed that. I did just ask him to shower with me without thinking about it. "Can you come with me? I don't want to be alone."
"Of course I can. Are you sure, though?"
"I'm sure." I nodded. "Just shower with me, no sex."
"I am just fine with that. It gives me a chance to admire you like the work of art you are."
"Oh, God, Ian!" I laughed at his cringiness, making him smile playfully.
"What? Too much?" He winked.
"Just come on." I couldn't help the stupid smirk on my face as we headed to the bathroom together. Ian is my light in the dark right now, no matter what happens between us. I will forever be grateful to him for helping me last night.
Ian watched me as I started the shower, immediately popping at my side once the water was on. Holding my gaze, he began to help me slowly undress. He was gentle and sweet as he helped me, making me feel so cared for. After he helped me, he quickly undressed himself and got in the large shower with me. I had dual shower heads, keeping both of us wet and warm the entire time. Ian didn't stop at just helping me undress. His kindness continued as he grabbed my shampoo and washed my hair. He even knew to use my wide-tooth comb when the conditioner was in my hair.
Apparently, he had looked into how to care for curly hair, watched many videos, and read many blogs and articles on the subject. He was trying to make sure he never messed my hair up and could help when needed. Considering it was his first time handling my hair, he was doing a really good job. I was impressed by the effort he had put into understanding this part of me. I washed my body as he began to clean himself off. His eyes held mine almost the entire time. Neither of us looked down, trying to confine ourselves to just showering.
When we finished, I got dressed, and Ian put on his clothes from yesterday. I'm going to get him some spare clothes for when he's here. I haven't done much shopping for a guy before. It seems like something I would enjoy. Some retail therapy is always good for my mentality, but not so much for my wallet.
"We've had a nice morning so far, but you and I both know that once we step out of that door, you're going to have to talk to a lot of people about what happened. I won't leave your side through it, but I need you to tell me what you would like me to do." He held both my hands as he spoke, reminding me of what awaited me today. I knew he was right, which only made me want to stay in my room longer. "Do you want me to stay a silent figure at your side? Or would you like me to help you as you tell your side of things? I am not sure exactly what happened, but once you tell me it all, I can help explain it to others if you get tired of answering the same questions."
"Be by my side. I want to tell Christin myself, but after that, I may tap you in to tell others for me."
"Okay, I can do that." He nodded, squeezing my hands.
We stepped to the door, and I took a deep breath before opening it wide. Today is going to kick my ass. I just know it.