I waved my hand over the flickering flame and entertained myself with watching the wax drip down the side of the candle.
Eli was sat beside me on a bean bag and Beth and Tom were on the opposite side of the room having a serious conversation.
"So, you and Blake made up," Eli said lowly.
"We didn't make up," I said.
"But you're talking now."
"I guess."
Eli nodded.
"You know, Adam doesn't hate you as much now," I said.
"He doesn't?"
"Don't get me wrong, he still doesn't like you, but the hate is just a little less."
"Why?"
"You saved my life. Maybe if I nearly die a few more times and you help keep me alive then he might start liking you."
Eli smirked and shook his head. "Adam and I will never get along. He's too proud."
"Why? What happened between you two that made you not get along?"
"It's a few things," Eli shrugged.
"Spill the beans, we've got time," I said.
"I'll talk to you if you stop looking at that damn candle and look at me, princess," Eli said and I slowly turned to face him. "That's better."
"Maybe I like the damn candle," I said and Eli waved his hand over the flame, blowing it out. "I think I did like that candle."
"Shame," he said dryly.
"Now you've got my full attention," I said sarcastically and looked up at him, his face hidden by shadows. "What happened?"
"Adam likes being one of the best," Eli said. "He can take you down, can't he?"
"Him and Blake," I nodded and my eyes flickered to Eli's. "And you."
"I can take him on," Eli said. "He didn't believe that I could so I embarrassed him when I floored him. He's proud. He didn't like getting taken down my someone years younger than him."
"Is that it?"
"That's the main reason. I've also been given a bunch of missions he's wanted to do."
"My brother is so petty," I muttered.
"But he's good."
"But you're better," I murmured.
"I'm better than a lot of people, princess," Eli said dismissively.
"No wonder you get on people's nerves with an ego like that."
"It's the truth," he shrugged. "So tell me, why don't you and Adam get along?"
"We're brother and sister. Siblings argue," I said.
"Is that the only reason?"
"And he's a dick," I added. "But the majority of people at the Agency are dicks. Over confident, arrogant, assholes."
Eli smirked and there was another clap of thunder that make Beth squeal slightly.
"She's such a girl," I muttered and shook my head.
Eli nodded and looked at me. "What's wrong with you, princess?"
"Nothing."
"You seem very uneasy. You keep fidgeting."
"I've just got things on my mind," I shrugged.
"Him?"
I sighed and nodded. "Him," I murmured. "Did you know I was going to kill him tonight?"
Eli seemed slightly shocked. "You found him?"
"Rob did," I said. "He's my first target since I've been back."
"You want to kill him?"
"No I want to sit down and have a chat," I scowled. "Yes. I want to kill him slowly and painfully."
"So the whole thing about you not wanting to kill-"
"Things change," I snapped. "I want to kill and it felt so damn good when I shot Kent. That's horrible, it shouldn't feel good but it does."
"It's what you've grown up doing," Eli murmured. "It's sick in a way. Ever since you were little your life has been chosen for you. You were always going to be a killer."
I sent Eli a harsh glare. "I'm not a killer. I'm-"
"We all are," Eli shrugged. "We are all killers. Whether we like it or not?"
"Do you?"
"Do I like killing people?"
"Yes," I nodded.
"Nobody in their right mind likes killing," Eli said. "Doing it doesn't effect me, but I don't take pleasure in it."
"It felt good when I shot Kent," I murmured. "That's bad."
"You knew you weren't going to kill him," Eli shrugged.
"But when I do kill people I don't feel bad," I said and sighed in frustration. "It's like killing is ingrained in me."
"I don't feel bad," Eli said. "Some people do and some people don't. We kill killers, rapists, drug dealers, we shouldn't feel bad about killing them."
"I want to," I whispered. "I want to feel some kind of remorse, but then I don't. That one time I felt guilty, it was awful, I hated it, but it made me feel human. For the first time, I felt like a normal human being, feeling remorse. Feeling bad."
"Daisy, you wouldn't be you if you cried over every person you killed," Eli said and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Who said anything about crying?"
"I forgot, you don't cry," Eli said and rolled his eyes. "And you hardly like to show emotion."
"Oh piss off," I muttered.
"But you show anger a lot."
"You do too," I countered.
"I've not got much to be happy for," Eli shrugged.
"We have that in common," I murmured and looked up at Eli. "Well, c'mon, you know all my dark secrets- half the Agency knows them, but that's not the point. What are you hiding?"
"Who says I'm hiding anything?"
"You do."
"It's none of your business," Eli snapped.
"No need to be rude," I frowned.
"It's just a sensitive topic," Eli said dismissively.
"So is me getting raped and killed," I said, "but you know all about that."
"Speaking of that, lets go kill him," Eli said and I raised my eyebrow.
"The storm."
"We're assassins, I'm sure we can handle a storm," Eli tutted.
"Why do you want to come?"
"Because this mission is personal you need backup just in case your emotions get the better of you."
"I'm not going to hesitate."
"I know you won't," Eli nodded. "But you're going to be angry and upset, and you won't be the best you can be."
"I don't need backup, Eli," I muttered.
"You need me, princess," Eli said and stood up. He held his hand out and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Just accept the damn help."
I sighed and put my hand in his. "Let's do this."
"I thought he was a low life," Eli commented as he looked at the house that belonged to the guy.
"So did I," I murmured and cut the car engine.
"How the hell did he afford a place like that?"
"Don't know, don't care," I said and reached behind me and grabbed the gun off the back seat. "All I care about is this gun in his face, let's go."
"Be careful, Daisy, don't be reckless."
"Just don't get in my way," I warned and climbed out of the car, bracing myself against the strong winds and pounding rain.
Thunder rumbled above us as we walked towards the house and I looked up at the security camera, knowing that no one would be able to see us. Perks of being a well trained assassin is being able to hack into someone's security cameras.
"How are you-" I cut Eli off by kicking in the front door, timing it well with a crash of thunder. "Daisy, for fucks sake! What did I just say about being reckless!" Eli snapped and grabbed my arm.
"Relax," I muttered. "He's just going to think it's the storm."
"What if he doesn't, he could call the police!"
"And you think they're going to come in this storm?" I asked and raised my eyebrow.
"Fucking hell, let's just kill him," Eli sighed and I walked into the house. I glanced over the fancy furniture and decor and scoffed.
"Prick," I said and pushed a vase off the side, letting it shatter onto the ground. I heard Eli shut the door behind me but I carried on through the house and made my way into the kitchen. "Oh, look at this!" I called and opened the fridge. "He's even got posh cheese."
Eli's footsteps followed me and I grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it using the counter. I then picked up a bowl from the side and turned to the window, throwing it at it, letting the loud crash fill the house.
"That should've woken him," I said and pulled a chair out and sat down.
"You're just going to wait?" Eli wondered and I looked at his figure in the dark room.
"Yes," I nodded. "Now, shut up."
We waited a few moments and I smiled when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Hello?" A voice called and I rolled my eyes.
"Why does everyone say that?" I muttered and shook my head.
"Who's there!"
The voice got louder and the lights flickered on in the kitchen. I looked at the person by the door and raised my eyebrows; one sock, ugly checkered pants and a grubby shirt.
"Hi," I said brightly and Michael Moore froze, narrowing his eyes at me. "Remember me?"
"You..." Michael coughed. "I thought you were dead!"
"Oh, don't worry, I was," I said and leaned forward in my chair. "But not for as long as you would've hoped for."
"What are y-you doing here! H-how did you find me!"
"Do you feel guilty?" I asked. "You killed me. Technically you're a murderer. And a rapist."
Michael stared at me with wide eyes and didn't say anything.
"Not one bit of guilt?" I asked. "Not even a tiny bit? No? Well, I guess it's okay that I don't feel guilty about this either." I raised the gun and Michael let out a cry of shock.
"No! I'm sorry! I do feel guilty! Please! I'll do anything! Please don't kill me!" He yelled and held his hands up.
"Well," I shrugged. "Since you asked so nicely. I want you to beg."
"W-what?"
"Get on your knees and beg for your life. It doesn't seem you deserve it, so tell me why you should live," I said and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I... O-okay," Michael spluttered and slowly got into his knees. "I'm so sorry-"
"Eh, I'm not in the mood for forgiveness," I shrugged and pointed the gun at his head as his eyes went as wide as saucers. I didn't even give him a chance to scream before I shot twice.
A bullet in his head and a bullet in his heart.
Michael slumped to the floor and I watched in silence as blood pooled out of his body and onto the pristine white floor.
I felt the gun slip out of my hands and I looked at the man who had scarred me for life.
I felt no guilt. No remorse.
But I still felt pain. I was still hurting.
"Daisy-" Eli said cautiously and I jumped when he placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I thought something would change," I said quietly, but didn't look up from the body. "I thought... I thought... I still feel everything. He's dead, but nothing has changed-"
"He's dead, something has changed," Eli said. "He won't be able to hurt anyone els-"
"I don't give a shit about anyone else!" I snapped. "I thought something in me would change! But I still feel every fucking thing! I still feel it! I want it to go away!" I stood up and angrily kicked the gun away from me. "Why won't it go!" I screamed and shoved the chair backwards. "I just want it to go! It won't fucking go! Make it go! Eli!" I turned to Eli and gulped. "Why? I can't feel like this for the rest of my life! I can't- I..." A tear slipped down my cheek and Eli slowly walked up to me.
"You do cry more than you'd like to admit," he commented and I closed my eyes when he wiped the tear from my cheek. "You're strong, princess, you'll get past this."
"I can't-"
"Since when did you give up?" Eli asked and raised an eyebrow at me.
"Since I was raped and killed."
"Then grow some balls," Eli shrugged. "You're one of the strongest people I've ever met, I know you can get past this. It sure as hell won't be easy, but you'll do it."
"You don't know that," I whispered.
"I do. I know you," Eli said dismissively. "You're strong and stubborn as hell and you don't take shit from anyone. You can do this."
"I can't close my eyes without seeing him," I murmured. "Seeing that night... Over and over again-"
Eli placed his finger over my lip and shook his head. "We're going home," he said. "And for tonight you aren't going to talk about him. You've done what you needed to do, now lets go." Eli held his hand out and I placed my shaking one in his.
"If you tell anyone that I cried again, I'll kill you," I warned as I wiped another tear.
"I don't doubt that, princess," Eli said as he led me out of the house, and as we walked out into the storm I glanced up at Eli and frowned, watching him carefully as the rain hammered down in his face and he shook his wet blonde hair out of his face.
With him, in this moment, I felt safe.