Silas’s P.O.V
I looked at her, trying to hold her gaze in the same way that I would have held her hand if she allowed me to. If only I could hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be alright, that I was going to make it all better... but that would be another lie.
Watching her suffer like this was like a knife to the chest that kept on digging deeper with each breath I took. I was rendered utterly helpless…utterly hopeless.
I had only ever been this sensitive, this responsive to one other person and that had been Lily. I had only ever truly loved one person, and now that person was dead. And now, even the person that the Moon Goddess had chosen for me was on the verge of abandoning me forever.
And where had that left me? Where was I supposed to go? Who was I supposed to turn to after this? I was left with no one…
Instead of doing anything, I merely stayed silent, hoping that she didn’t ask me to leave but also there was this knowing in my heart that this was it. This was going to be the end of us, even before it had a chance to begin.
The silence was so… present, so palpable, that it was like pressure pressing in on me, crushing me from all sides at all times. If this goes on, I'm not sure if I'll still be breathing by the end of it.
The weight of the truth hung in the air, pressing against us both, as we grappled with the enormity of the situation.
Zoya's voice trembled with exhaustion and desperation as she posed her question, her eyes searching mine for a glimmer of hope. "Silas, if I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, will I wake up to the world I knew this morning, where I was blissfully unaware of all this? Can I escape from all of this, just for a moment?"
It seemed like a pointless, rhetorical question, but her words pierced through me, resonating with a sense of defeat that clung to her like a suffocating shroud.
“No.” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I’m sorry.”
And then I truly felt sorry for her, to the point where I no longer hoped that she would still accept me, only that she would be okay after this world-changing revelation.
The weight of her pain reverberated in my own chest, and I realized that the chasm between us had widened.
Zoya's trust had crumbled, leaving only fragments of doubt and uncertainty in its wake. She would never accept me or our situation. And I couldn’t blame her at all.
A sense of heartbreak washed over me, consuming my being, as I realized that the bond we once shared had fractured irreparably — and it was all my fault.
It was a pain deeper than the loss of Lily, for it sprang from the depths of my soul. Here, finally, was my mate who had helped me without complaint, and trusted me without demanding any explanation.
And I had fucked it all up.
The knowledge that Zoya no longer believed in me, in us, shattered something within me, leaving behind jagged shards of sorrow. It was like being stabbed a hundred times over, and maybe even that would have hurt me less.
Silent tears streamed down her face, glistening in the soft glow of the moon filtering through the window. I wanted to wipe them off her cheeks, but I knew that she would turn away from my touch.
And I didn’t want to force her to be within my proximity either, because for all my inexperience with handling emotions, even I knew that such an act would only be self-serving, and that would cause her more pain.
It was a scene etched in my memory, the image of her vulnerability seared into my consciousness. Her pain was something that I caused. Of course, I knew I had hurt her before, but this time…
This time it was different. This time might be irreparable.
And as much as I longed to console her, to fix this crap somehow, to bridge the growing chasm between us, I knew that it was beyond my reach.
If I forced myself to stay in her orbit, to keep my presence constant around her, I would only hurt her more.
Maybe it was better for her if I simply left. Maybe then she would be able to heal without my thorns wrapped around her.
I was the problem, after all, wasn’t I? Not just to her but even to my own pack.
With a heavy heart, I made the agonizing decision to leave Zoya behind, her sobs echoing in the empty room.
The weight of her pain hung heavy in the air as I stepped out of the cabin, running beyond the pack territory, beyond the boundaries that once held us together now becoming a barrier between us.
There were no sentries in the way this time, like the last time I had tried to cross over, and it felt like some kind of a sign that I was no longer welcome in the very place where I had been born.
Descending down the slope, the world seemed to mirror the turmoil within me. My feet were heavy as they struck against the cold earth. Shadows danced around me, whispering secrets I couldn't decipher, taunting me like ghosts.
The moon shone down at me like a cruel witness. A cold audience. Did the moon goddess enjoy her followers' misery? Did she revel in our suffering at the hands of the fate she herself had woven for us?
Or did she, too, weep for me as my heart bled?
I ran as fast as I could until I was sure I was in standing in front of another packhouse, the area unfamiliar and the world around me an unknown threat.
And there, amidst the darkness, I saw a shadow move into my line of sight and a now familiar woman greeted me with a tilt of her red lips.
"I've been waiting for you."