I just gaped back, but he still stared at me; the only difference was that he looked like he was glowing. It took me a couple of seconds to realize what he actually said, not only patting me on the head for using my words but stating he would use his own. For a second, my mind scoffed, like he never stopped talking at all. But I shook it away; he did try, at least; it felt like he was offering me an olive branch and that I should grab it despite every fiber in my body screaming for me to close my eyes and pretend this wasn't happening.
I didn't notice that I was nodding before I saw him shaking his head,
"Words"
He stated with a firm voice; all the amusement was gone, but there was no anger as he spoke.
"Okay...?"
I knew it was more of a question, but I wanted him to kiss me even if I didn't want to say it. Saying it made it so real, and part of me still felt bad. Bad because I didn't know what this meant, didn't know what I really wanted, and bad because of Toke. I still hated him, hated what he did to me and put me through, but I could not help that part of me that felt like I was betraying him.
But when his lip pressed against mine, all doubt and questioning myself was gone yet again.
All I could focus on was his soft lips, warm and wet, firm but gentle, moving against mine. I responded without even having to think like this break gave me the escape I needed to get out of that embarrassing moment, that awkward moment where words didn't seem to do me justice no matter what he demanded. Yet, I had to admit, giving my emotions words and them forcing them to exist did change everything. At least for this moment, and right now, that was all that mattered.
I melted against him, and his arms were there, ready to hold me up. It felt perfect; even for just a moment, I could forget everything else; all doubt was put aside before the kiss, and the shame and fear of being played had been demolished before the sweet escape. Meaning I didn't really have anything to escape; I could just enjoy. I could lean on him, against him, get lost in the kiss that was about to devour me, suck my soul out of me, and I allowed it to.
"Better now, little human girl?"
His warm and husky voice warmed my cheeks, his forehead pressed down against mine after he broke the kiss, but I still held my eyes closed. Refusing to let the moment go,
"Yes."
"You still sound hesitant. May I ask about your mate?"
And boom, all of it was gone. My eyes flew open, and the head in my body vanished like a spell was lifted off my body. I didn't mean to let my hatred, pain, and anger out on him, but I did anyway, glared right at him, and pushed him back. I was most angry at myself that despite all he had done to me and put me through, his plans for me, parts of me craved him, longed for him. Both Toke and Fury, I hated myself for cheating on them because that is how it felt. Making me a cheating whore, even willing to throw herself at the man that held me captive.
He stumbled back at first, a little surprised, and looked at me with those unfairly intense eyes! Why the hell did all villains have beautiful eyes and bodies anyway. A low whisper answered, and I'm not sure if it was my own subconsciousness or Drifta, " Is he, tho? A villain?"
This threw me off just long enough for him to regain his balance and lift my chin up to look at him.
"You never rejected him, did you?"
Baffled, I shook my head, then nodded, and then paused. Rejected him? I did, didn't I? I had shown him with every fiber in me that I didn't want him the way he was, that I dint want any part of his sick plans. That was rejection, was it not?
"I, I think I did?"
"You think?"
He raised a brow while looking down at me, searching my eyes before he let out a long breath and leaned his forehead back down against mine.
"You didn't use your words when you rejected him, did you? To break a mate bond is not easy, and I am not saying you have to, even if I want you to. But there is no way to be unsure if you rejected him or not. There is only one way to break a mate bond, only one formal rejection and that requires you to use your words."
"I, I didn't say I rejected him; I didn't use that word if that is what you meant. But, everything else, there was no doubt after all he did and said!"
I knew what he meant, but at the same time, I felt the need to defend myself here. How was I supposed to know I needed to say the word rejection to him and wait just a second?
"Does that mean we are still connected? Even if he never marked me?"
Taking a step back, I felt how I missed his warmth, like he was leaving me, and his sad smile made it feel even more so. I felt much safer with him pressed flush against me; why did he step away? I stared back at him, confused, while he touched my cheek gently.
"Yes, that means you are still mates, little one. The mark only seals the bond, but without the mark, the bond will still exist, and you will forever be drawn toward him. Feel connected to him, wanting him, and feel him against your skin or soul. A mate bond is a strong connection, and I won't lie; it will hurt to stay away from him. You need to think about this what you really want to do because once you break it, it won't be repaired. At least, it will never be the same."
I panicked a little; I didn't want to stay his. That is what the bond did; that is what the bond was for me, a connection that made me his, forced me to follow him, and made me a blind slave. The panic didn't calm, and when he continued speaking, it felt like I would break at any moment; I didn't want this! Nothing about it, I would forever miss Fury, but what Toke was, I could never live with. He could never make this right again, and I could never trust him again. I knew that deep down, I knew that and feared that I would be forced to.
"This is something you must consider; make sure you know what you want. Do not make a rash decision out of anger or jealousy. Even if I want you for myself, I will not stand between true mates."
And panic exploded inside my chest; I felt desperate, so I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, begged him to tell me how to break it, begged him to free me. His sad smile didn't falter, it only reached his eyes while brushing my cheek again, and I felt he didn't believe me. I didn't understand what being mated or connected to him meant for me and my future, so when tears spilled over, I spilled too- I told him everything, every single detail, how I got here, how I met him, how he used to be, and how he changed. How he drugged me, tricked me, threatened me, and used me, and how Loki fitted into this story. I spoke without remembering how to breathe, so scared he would stop me, so scared he would ask me to take a break and reconsider. Scared to death, he would not believe me.
It all poured out of me as a toxic flood of words and despair, but I'd reached the limit, and I did not care how I sounded. I only needed him to believe me, to tell me how to free myself from him. Tell me how I could break the bond that would forever connect us if I didn't reject him the right way! It didn't matter at that moment if I looked like an idiot that he would never see me the same way again; I needed to break the bond!
Telling him all this, it felt like I let all the poison out of my system; I deflated. The more I spoke, the more I told, the emptier I felt left standing there, to the moment my knees gave in. He never said a word, let me rant like a crying toddler, begging for his help while he helped me down to the floor. Finally, there was nothing more to say, no words left, and I realized he was sitting on the floor with me. He never helped me down; he slid down to the floor with me, prevented me from falling, and prevented me from hurting myself.
I heaved for air repeatedly while tears streaked down my cheeks.
"Please, believe me."
It wasn't even directed at him; it was just a general plea. I needed to be believed, needed to be heard, needed to know I was in my right feeling this. My finger still clenched desperately onto the fabric on his shirt, and my fingers felt stiff when he started to force dem open, one by one. Still, he did not utter a single word, and I did not ask anything more. I felt so empty, so incredibly naked and bare, so I let him. He looked angry; I felt like a spoiled brat that did not appreciate a precious gift she had been handed.
"I believe you, little human"
The sentence was a blessing, washed over me, crashed into me like a flood of relief, and I practically fell into his arms when he lifted me off the ground. Nothing else mattered; he believed me; he heard me. When he started walking, I felt his movements, swaying me from one side to the other, and I struggled to hold my eyes up. So empty, so drained. I stopped fighting, leaned my head against his chest, and let the steady beat of his heart lull me to sleep.