Smack!
The back of my hand slammed into his chest, and I rolled my eyes at his dramatic performance. Gasping for air and pretending to be hurt.
"Stop that!"
"I can't help it!"
"Yes, you can! Growling at every creature with a dick is getting tiring!"
He scoffed,
" I'm not! Just the ones that st.."
I cut him off because I've heard this sentence repeatedly in the last couple of days.
"No, it's not just the ones staring! Stop kidding yourself. That poor guy didn't even have time to turn around before you acted like a rabid dog! And NO, it's not sweet, cool, or anything like it at all. If you can't stop, I need to get you a tight collar or a spray bottle.. Maybe even call Cesar Milan."
Muttering the last part, knowing he had no idea who that was, and even then, a loud growl cut the air between us.
"Cesar? Who is he? A human? Should I expect to fight him for your attention?"
I sighed and walked away; after a few seconds, he hurried up behind me, continuing to press the matter.
"No, just please. Stop growling at everything moving; it's embarrassing and makes others uneasy."
"I can't help it, and you know that!"
"No, no, I don't know that! You don't even try. I am pregnant, yes, I get that, but it doesn't mean I all of a sudden need an angry, vibrating chihuahua with massive canines herding me. I am still the same; the people on the ship are the same, and I am safe here. What the hell will you do when we reach land? Walk me around covered in a thick potato sack if I absolutely had to go outside. And No, that is not an option!!"
I've started getting used to the idea, no, not really, but at least I am accepting the fact that I am pregnant. Seeing myself as a mother is hard, but I am starting to like this new turn of events. I looked down at my still flat stomach and smiled to myself as my hand slowly slid over it. It is a strange sensation and thought; something is growing inside of me-part of me, part of him, ours. But I never expected him to react this way; super overprotective and irrational.
He knows, even if it is hidden deep down inside of him, that none of the men on this ship would ever think of harming me or the baby. If he is honest with himself, he knows nobody would even dream of touching me. At first, when the first shock had settled and I'd been given permission to smack him a bit about his strange behavior, it was kind of sweet how possessive and protective he was. It melted something inside of me; he wanted me safe; he wanted me, you know, and all that sugary sweet fluff I willingly let myself fly right into. But it quickly became clear it was more than that. And yes, I do know how some understandings of this mate bond stuff, but really? Is it really that hard to act normal just because I am carrying his baby without being marked as his? I had a problem accepting that.
"You know why, but don't be mad! I am trying!"
He whined behind me, almost causing me to lose the serious facial expression I was working so hard to maintain.
"Oh really?"
"Really! If I hadn't been trying, Igor would have thrown everyone overboard and neutered the rest of them."
Horrified, I spun around to see him, needed to see if he was joking, hoping he was joking. But instead, a gush of cold ran down my spine when our eyes locked.
"Those are your friends! How can you say something like that!"
"I know, and he knows, but they also know. It's the beast's instinct to protect his offspring, but also his mate. Haven't you noticed how everyone has been keeping their distance? How do they eat at other times than usual and all that?"
"Yes, but it's not so weird, is it? You growl and bare your teeth like a crazy person every time they lay eyes on you. I mean, I would have avoided you, too."
"No, they are avoiding you. Unmated and pregnant, all beasts can smell that now. Wolf, bear, it doesn't matter. They know you are carrying cubs, and your scent has changed, but do you also know how beasts used to make sure it was their offspring that survived? They killed the other pups and cubs. Of course, we don't do that, and it is an old instinct that resides in the beast's imprints from the animal they resided from. However, the memory of the instinct is there; it makes them uncomfortable, makes their beast restless, and in return, Igor's nerves are spiking. I am sorry; I'm not doing it on purpose or to irritate you. I am doing it to let some of the steam out and because I can't hold this back. "
It made sense, in one way, I guess. At least in this world, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.
"So... What you are saying is that a woman can't be pregnant here without being marked as someone's property, or they risk someone killing the baby or growling and dripping angry salvia all over her shoulder though nine months? Has anyone ever survived that? I mean, either the other males will kill the female and baby, or the female will for sure end the growling beast out of his misery one beautiful day; her hormones had had enough..."
At least he saw some humor in it and coughed a short laughter before managing to control himself.
"Well, usually, they are mated before this happens. It is rare for unmated couples to bear cubs, at least for bears, but I've never heard of someone not mating or marking during the pregnancy. Looking past the story of Hades' mother, of course, but then again, she was either a bear or wolf, not really a beast at all, so I am not sure it counts. Why nine months? That is a really long time! "
Arching a brow, I could barely stop my own condescending tone as I answered,
"Why? A pregnancy lasts for nine months, teddy bear. What happened to her?"
Obviously, Hades came out fine, but I never heard much about his mother. Come to think of it, he hasn't said much about his family at all. Maybe she died? I mean, can a death goddess even die? Maybe not, but how did she get pregnant with Tew's father then? Oh! The thought just hit me: he is Eir's stepbrother! Without even thinking, my hand landed on my stomach; in my eyes, that made him an uncle if he wanted to be. Eir is family for me; it doesn't matter what genes and blood say; in my mind and my world, that is how it works. We create our own family and build it out of trust, love, and strong bonds created through events and time.
Shaking my head, I looked back at Arcane. He just stood there with a stupid half grin on his face while his eyes rested on my hand.
"Stop staring and answer."
I'm not sure if it's hormones or just my nerves and patience that have been drained, but everything irked me more than usual. It is probably too early to blame the hormones, I reasoned with myself. But I sure as hell can blame Arcane.
"If you're planning to carry my cub for nine months, you will be giving birth to a teenager!"
He busted out laughing, but my entire body went cold. While he laughed, so tears trickled down one of his cheeks, all I could picture was that massive beast of his. How his bear grew taller and taller that first day I saw him shift. How he stretched towards the sky, raving meters above me. Oh my god! Are all shifters born as beasts?! Both my hands went to my stomach, an instinct to protect what had just begun to grow inside. A strange sensation, a strange reaction I've so many times seen others do, and I've always thought of it as dramatic or just to seek attention. But the images and thoughts that rushed through my head became more and more like a horror movie. Who was I kidding? There was no human growing inside of me, but a shifter, a massive bear. What if I can't even carry my little one to term or even manage to give birth? What if I die trying? All out of nowhere, my stomach dropped, my chest tightened, and it felt like my heart ripped in two. The thought alone was like nothing I had ever felt before, the fear of not seeing my child grow up. Fear of not being able to protect or help my child as he or she grows up, just because I was never meant to carry it at all.
I knew it was irrational; I knew it was stupid. But I could not help it; the hurt and fear I felt was very real. I didn't even trust myself to answer or look at him. He rushed over, Cleary worried and asking what was wrong. The energy around him shifted, and he started smelling me, circling me like he was trying to figure out where I was hurt. But my throat tightened, and all words suffocated and faded away, and like a bad romance movie for teens, I could feel my lip start trembling.
Sniffling and heaving for air, I felt like a fish gasping for oxygen, just to try to answer, but nothing happened. No words came past the lump that formed in my throat. The way he reacted made it even worse; I felt stupid! There was no way it was rational, no way I could even pretend I understood myself, but I had no control over this. Whatever this was. He began to stress, almost shaking me by the shoulders, wanting me to look at him, pleading for me to tell him what was wrong. The dam busted, and I lost the last of control I had, and everything exploded and flooded over. Sobbing and rambling,
"I don't want to die! And I don't want to rip in half, but I don't want the baby to be without me either! I can't! What if the claws puncture my stomach? Fur gets stuck, you know, where it's not supposed to be! It will get infected! Oh my god! There is no hospital or antibiotics here! And where am I supposed to give birth? In a tree?"