Everything seemed to stop, time and space, my frantic heart, and my sassy preschoolers leveled name calling. There were only his green eyes, sparkling in the dimmed light, intense and so close. I swallowed hard and opened and closed my mouth like a goldfish on land a couple of times.
Our breaths had a pull-and-release game going on; his hot breath brushed over my skin as I slowly filled my lungs and the other way around.
The moment was intense, and I had no problem seeing he was angry or, with some luck, just annoyed. I wanted to apologize, but I also wanted to call him an arrogant ass hat and bad-quality snake boots. Maybe this was the moon goddess's way of helping me, making me unable to say a single word and making the situation even worse than it was. Reality slowly kept up my skin, reminding me I had become too comfortable, hammered in the fact that I was a prisoner here. A commoner, in his eyes, was brought here to be a research thing. How could I forget my cursed faith so fast? Could it also have been that growling song? That he had been using it on me all along without me noticing to keep me calm and cooperative.
My back pressed up against the cold walls, up on my toes trying to press even further back as his figure hovered over me. He leaned over me, closing the tiny space that was left between us, resting his underarms on the wall. Caged in, up against the wall, trapped in green eyes that looked like they filled up with shadows. The dark, clouded spots moved like sirup from all corners, and creeks were drawn to his face.
"Did you ask me if you could leave?"
That familiar feeling, the one right before all color drains your face, and your stomach drops into a bottomless pit while your feet are frozen to the ground, lit through my body like small lightning bolts. But it never evolved; instead, it kept flashing through me, torturing me, and teasing me in the most dreaded way. How is it even possible? I think I finally broke! I have forgotten how to be human, and all I have left are the basic needs and responses, and naturally, for me, it had to be fear and arousal. No, I may have lost a couple of my walls and my mental defenses, but I'm not that easy to break! I'm just affected by that kiss, that moment of breathing, warm skin, and soft wet lips. Just thinking about it made me flustered but also a bit annoyed.
"No."
Defiance sparked and made roots as I answered, Who the hell did he think he was anyway? Arching a brow and doing my best to casually lean back on the wall like the careless bitch I was. I pretended I was, wanted to be right now. Quickly I lifted my chin, and I'm not questioning myself right now! I could feel how my confidence began to shake by the knees when I thought about it, but I'm not having any of it right now!
"So, did I say you could leave?"
"No."
My voice is clearly irritated now. Where is he going with this? I know ii am still his prisoner and all of that, but is this crap really necessary?
"Did you ask if I was finished?"
"No, I didn't! Because"
He cut me off only to continue his way to calm voice and questioning; his eyes never waiver, and he did not seem to think it was necessary to give me the slightest bit of space. He only stared at me and leaned even closer.
"Did I say I was done?"
"No!"
"Didn't you want more?"
Shock exploded at the same time as a burning blush up my neck and cheeks, and instead of answering, it felt like my mouth was just unhinged, hanging there, letting the air fill it like a hot air balloon. Did I want more? Of course, I did, well, until the moment I realized I was just a little lab rat. When I managed to wheel my head back, I remembered to slam my mouth shut. But the damages were already done; my head pulled up the memories and images of the kiss, the warmth and the need I felt, and the blush manifested on my face as my breathing picked up.
My heart rate increased, and his lips hovered over my jaw, almost brushing my skin for most of the time. But his hot breath and soft lips made my skin heat up and so sensitive that my body froze. I didn't want to move, or I didn't dare to move. I don't know, but I felt like a wooden stick in his warm cage against the cold wall behind me. My heart slammed against my ribs to the point it almost hurt, but still, I could not move a muscle, just feel, and follow his lips making their way over my skin.
My breath got stuck in my throat when his hand locked around it, moving up, making my head tilt back, and his lips stopped right on the corner of my lips.
"Didn't you want more?"
My breath began to match my raging heart; what the hell was I supposed to answer to that? Yes, but no? Admit I wanted nothing more than to continue what we started, but that I was angry he used me as his little research object? No, that's not happening! So, I chose the easy way, the way that usually got me out of answering anything before; I tried to kiss him.
To my horror, he pulled away. Not away, away. Just enough for me not to manage to kiss him but also enough to make it obvious that's what I tried to do.
Making matters worse, he chuckled. Still so close, I could feel his breath beating against my lip as he did.
"No. Use your words; I asked you a question."
His voice was filled with amusement but still stern, and I'm not sure it is possible to be any more embarrassed or awkward than I am right now. His hand tightened slightly around my throat, making me feel my own pulse trapped against his warm palms.
"I said, Didn't you want more?"
His lips brushed over mine and were placed right above mine, but he still did not kiss me. He just stood there, right within reach, and demanded I answer his stupid questions! I didn't want to! I pressed my thighs together, could not help that pulsating feeling rushing down between my thighs, and I cursed myself. The pulsation up my throat, literally slamming against his palm locked around it, didn't help either, but despite everything, stubbornness rushed through me,
"No."
It was supposed to be angry, but instead, it came out as a harsh whisper with a question. His grip around my throat became everything I sensed at that moment like I tried to tone out everything. What the hell is wrong with his guy? Didn't he understand my answer when I tried to kiss him back? That should have been more than enough of an answer for him! To my surprise, he let me go, grabbed my shoulders, and held me before him.
"What do you want?"
He paused for a miserable long second, enough for my foggy brain to wrap around the reality of this situation; he was not backing down. I would need to spell it out, and I'm not sure I can or will.
"You are saying one thing and doing another! I don't like that. Look at me! I can smell you; I can feel your heartbeat! Yet you say no and try to kiss me! So, take a deep breath, and answer me with your words. Didn't you want more?"
Why the hell isn't Drifta here when I need her? It was a question aimed at her mainly, but all I got in return was silence. I started out mumbling, a forced answer that felt impossible to get out, and I felt even more stupid having to put it into words as they spilled out over my lips,
"I did. I wanted more, but not after you made it so clear I was just your little lab rat! I don't want to be a research object! I don't want to be a freaking thing. I don't like to be toyed with.."
The last sentence came out in a low whisper, a confession to myself that I had not even admitted. I didn't like to be toyed with, strung along with, or played. It was a horrible feeling, I felt horrible for wanting him to continue, but that didn't change the fact that I had wanted him to continue. It did not change the fact that I had been disappointed when he stopped, and it made it all feel so much worse. I wanted to spit it out in rage, but it was more like I just realized it when I spelled it out loud, and it hurt me. It made me feel sad, easy, stupid. So instead, it was a whisper, and I looked down.
A finger brushed up my throat, lifted my head, and forced it back to meet his intense stare. That's the moment I realized how defeated I felt, how close I was to bursting out in tears.
"Then why didn't you just say that? One thing does not seclude the other, you know! I would never have kissed you if I didn't want to, and I really, really wanted to! "
He pulled me into a big hug, squeezed me, and I felt so confused and hated how good that embrace felt up till that moment when he broke it and pressed his lips gently to my forehead before patting my head like I was a good little dog.
"See! You could do it; such a good girl! My poor little human, I will be better with my words too! I want to kiss you again now if that is okay with you?"