I looked over to the bed, sure, it is not a narrow simple bed, but its not a king size bed either. I didn't think it through, but after scanning the bed, I did the same to him. Stared him from top to toe, and he is not a little man! He must be at least two meters tall, if not even more and I think his muscled thigh alone is the size of my waist.
Confused I looked up when he laughed, and suddenly threw his arm around my shoulders and led me out of the cabin.
"Don't worry little human, I'll make sure you won't fall off the bed during the night!"
Squeezing me and only chuckling when I slapped his chest.
I forgot all about this shortly after because we didn't go right to swim. Instead, we walked around in the village, he introduced me to the families and specially women. I don't know when, but I'm sure he said something to them before we showed up. However, I didn't even know how he knew, he never came close to my bag.
Every time we appeared, we were greeted with excitement and open arms, and I didn't think about it the two first times, but when the third and fourth family also gave me something I began to feel like awkward.
"Can we stop this now?"
I had my arms filled with fur, a wooden bowl, a knife big enough to shop wood and something that looked like boots. First, I felt so happy meeting these kind people, but now I feel like a pity case Arcane sprawls around begging for supplies. He stopped between two houses,
"Why? Don't you like them? "
"No, it is not that. They are all so kind, but this..."
I lifted everything, gesturing with my head.
"it is too much... I don't want them to feel pressured to give me things out of pity."
I swallowed hard. I knew very well that in this world I'm now poor, that I will rely on help from others until I figure out how to make all this on my own. But I didn't want to seem ungrateful, not at all, it is just that I feel terrible and even if it sounds a bit vain, I also fear how they now see me. The helpless little human not able to take care of herself.
"It is not pity; They are trying to be kind. Relax, and breath out. You were seen as a positive addition to the pack from the moment you decided to play monster shark with the kids."
I blushed and he chuckled,
"I appreciated it, but we should give it all back. I am happy to be welcomed, and I really like them all, but I do not believe you. I don't want to be a charity case!"
In one rushed move, I pushed everything into his chest, forcing him to take it all. Mumbled thank you and that they needed this themselves, and some other things and I stomped away before he could utter a word. I didn't want to hear it, I knew he meant all well, and I didn't want to be mean. But this didn't feel right, embarrassed, and full of shame I quickly created space between us. Increased my speed and rounded the corner of the cabin at the end of the village area.
Here I remembered, the entire place was surrendered by mountains. Steep massive mountains, a vast green field all around the little town in the middle. Scared he would follow me I jogged towards one of the waterfalls at the very end of the field, the only place that looked like it could provide a little hideout. Here the mountains looked like they had crashed together, forcing one in front of the other and this left a narrow, but deep cave like opening.
Somehow, I managed to keep my eyes on the possible cave by the falling water while looking over my shoulder. He didn't follow me, didn't hunt me down and stop me. A part of me is relieved when I finally reach it but another part of me is a bit disappointed, he come after me. But then again, this is what I needed and wanted. Some space and alone time. Everyone was so kind and welcoming; however, it often felt a bit crowded. I was never alone, and I am used to being alone and now I'm never just that.
Right by the water, there was an opening between the two mountains. Not a massive cave, but a narrow passage that went deeper than I expected it to be and at the highest could easily fit 4 of me on top of each other. I sat down almost two meters in, slide down the cold rock wall and all air left me with a huff. My throat tightened, my stomach flipped around, and my eyes started to burn.
How is it possible to feel so alone in a place where I missed being on my own, but the strangest thing, despite the need to be on my own, for just a second, I was alone. I was an outsider, the one that didn't belong, didn't fit in, and would never fit in. I had seen this as the end of my life, the end of all my possibilities, happiness and a future at all. I don't know if I ever even told Eir this, but she is the one that forced me out of the glooming and never-ending darkness.
Eir had brought me hope and light. She gave me reason to wake up, a reason to fight, not to sound to dramatic, she gave me life again when I was sure it had ended. I didn't even notice that the tears already streaked down my chins, that my knees had curled up and I rocked back and forth lost in my own thoughts. I felt miserable, alone, helpless, a burden and a foreigner. She helped me so much, simply by being herself, I couldn't even help her when I tried. I was helpless utterly useless. A bad friend.
My chest tightened and I swallowed again and again, desperate trying to suffocate the need to scream and cry. The pressure inside me stretched me to a point where it felt like nothing else would help but to scream. Empty every single bad memory, painful feeling, and aching energy threating to devour me from the inside. Erasing everything I used to be, want and dream about.
I didn't notice how much my muscles had tensioned up, or how much my body had begun trembling before strong arm lifted me off the cold ground. The hard and merciless surface switched with a warm and soft lap and a steady heartbeat against my cheek. I didn't care that I found myself cradled on Arcane's lap, not even that he had seen my cry. The only thing that worried me was the thought that I had offended him and his friends. That I ran away like a spoiled young child to cry, but if that's how he felt, he hid it well. I felt small and safe in his embrace, like he could wrap himself all around me and protect me from everything. My cheek and head pressed against his firm chest, and the steady beat of his heart and pulse affected my erratic heart.
Just when it felt like I could breathe again, like the thud of my heart stopped forcing themselves out between my lips, his hand slid over my knees, up my arm and across my shoulders. With a finger he lifted my chin up to meet his gaze.
"I don't know how your world works, or how people treat each other but here we take care of one another and help each other. You know,"
He started, his eyes searching mine,
"Everyone here came empty handed, remember that I told you how we built a new home to every newcomer or new family? It is not because nobody wants newcomers in their house, it is because we all know how important your own home having, your own place can be to find peace and quiet again. You remember that female that gave you the boots? She came here bare feet, with broken ribs, a split lip, her mate had been killed and she was still carrying her dead baby in her stomach. Her family did not approve, and they ruined everything she loved and cared for, including her relationship to them. Her swollen belly was covered in footprints, bruises and wounds. We built her a home, so she could have a place on her own to heal her wound and grieve her losses, but that doesn't mean she was alone. Not before she asked to be alone, did we leave her. She needed company more that she knew herself, she needed someone to be there even the times she wanted nothing more than craw beneath her fur covers, fall asleep and never wake up. We heal each other here, help, support and guide one another. All new members have their story, and we all remember how that felt. She pulled through, she stood up straight, found new life and a new family. Those boots? She started making them as part of her therapy, and after a while they began to have a social meaning for her. She dedicates time and effort, she plans them, picks out the pest fur, the best animal fat to make them waterproof. There is so much love, care and thoughts put into those boots, only because she wants people that arrives here to feel a fraction of it when they wear them "
I had been so lost in his eyes, I didn't even notice that he had moved his finger, that we had left the cave. With a smile, he gently put me down on my feet, but I still held his gaze. This side of him, felt so raw and new to me. So bare and open, like he invited me into a place nobody else had seen. His lips pressed against my forehead, warm and soft, but the sensation stopped to fast and before I blinked two times, he opened the door behind me and shushed me inside,
"We have a meeting to attend, go get dressed. They will help you with everything"
In a haze I let my feet go inside, only to meet three women with beaming smiled holding up different pieces of clothing and furs.