I'm not sure how to feel right now.
At first, I was mortified because it wasn't a dream at all. Not my imagination playing me because my wish and need were overwhelming. No, the last person I had expected to help me in any way.
The monster of all monsters. The dragon king himself.
Still confused by it all, I looked around the room; it was still the same room. But where were the shadows that stretched for me, clawed at my skin? The heavy and cold feeling that pressed around me? Now it all looked so normal, just a room. Nothing more, nothing less. Dread and embarrassment had washed over me in merciless waves when I realized he carried me over to the bed, which I didn't even notice. Is it finally happening? Is my sanity slipping, and will I eventually go insane? Like mother, like daughter, right?
I've heard this my whole life, brushed it off as cruelty and people's ability to see what they wanted to see. Judgmental people didn't bother me anymore, but now doubt had crept under my skin.
The dragon king's closeness grabbed my attention, on the edge of the bed his thigh pressed against mine. I wanted to jump away before I saw his hands, his touch was so soft and gentle while applying some ointment on my wrist. Sliding his palm beneath my hand, making sure my wrist would not move when he placed my hand over his lap. The lotion like substances smeared around my wrist with his trembling fingers. First, it burned my skin, and I hissed through clenched teeth, but the moment he started to hum, everything changed.
It was like the sound from deep down inside his chest created a chemical reaction beneath the sticky green substances on my skin. Burning slowly became soothing and cool, soaking through my skin. The throbbing that threatened to tear my skin apart faded, and the pain vanished with it.
Vibrations moved like waves in the air around him, following the rhythm of this strange sound. It never left his lips; there were no words, just a growling song of hums from his chest. I forgot to pay attention to my hand, forgot to care that he saw me cry. I didn't even notice when my muscles released the tension, I Just stared blankly at his chest. Almost hypnotized, all pain was gone. I felt No fear, nothing but this magical hum. It was all I felt, heard, and saw.
It didn't even occur to me how strange it was; how could I see this sound without seeing anything? But still, my eyes followed the waves in the air. A subtle hint of magic, whirling on oxygen waves, so perfectly invisible but still beautiful and alluring. When it suddenly stopped, I wanted it back, missed it.
Cut off too fast; it dumped me back into the cold and cruel reality. My body felt heavier, and my muscles still ached after being tense for so long. Blinking, almost shocked by the sudden change, my head reluctantly started to accept the real world again. Remembering where I am, realizing how out of it I had just been.
My breathing picked up simultaneously as my heartbeat, and fear took over. What was that? Magical hypnosis? With each second, which was painfully slow, thoughts piled up in my head-questions, fear, and fascination.
Even if it was hard to admit, I missed that soothing and carefree feeling. Longer for it, but at the same time, it made me scared.
"You can tell her it's safe to come back."
Following the sound of his voice, I looked up, and that's when I realized just how dangerous this song of his had been. With my cheek firmly pressed against the dragon king's chest, I haven't been staring at his chest like I imagined. Instead, I leaned over his lap and pressed myself against his chest. My wounded hand is still resting on his lap. My eyes grew wide; I even felt it happened, like a freaking cartoon figure where my eyes were about to pop out. With my mouth hanging open, I couldn't even utter a word.
"She can come back."
I flinched a little as he raised his voice and looked down so our eyes locked. My body failed me as much as my mind. Opening and closing my mouth, eventually, all that came out was,
"Huh?"
Even then, I stuttered, and my mouth felt uncomfortably dry. I needed to move away from his lap, but I didn't dare shift a muscle. Almost like it would all make it real, let him realize how close I was. So instead, I froze.
"I know she's not dead. It is safe for her to come back."
"I.. But.. She's dead.."
Even I heard how pathetic I sounded, more like a question than a lie-more searching for words than speaking at all.
"No. My calling doesn't work without your beast."
My heart pumped so hard I felt the thud between my lips when he suddenly grabbed my chin and lifted my face, and leaned down to close the distance between us.
"I do not like liars, pupp. So do not irk me. Understand?"
I'm surprised my eyes haven't rolled out of my head yet, but I nod. Hesitantly, then more franticly. Inside, every emotion fought against one another. One side is screaming that he is a monster, a horrible beast! A nightmare in the form of a human. While the other reminded me how gentle his hands had been caring for my hand. How soft his voice had been, that despite what I knew about him or thought I knew, he did what nobody had ever done, come for me when I needed it the most. He had lifted me out of my spiraling nightmare of memories and dread. Cradled me when I knew nobody cared enough to even search for me before. Not even the woman that birthed me.
"Use your words. Do you understand?"
"Yes"
"Good. So, call for her. This ointment helps, but it won't heal the bones."
"But I don't know where she is.."
Using the conversation as a distraction, slowly, I tried to straighten up and pull away. Awkwardly my body jerked a little, and like I didn't feel little or stupid enough as it was, he practically rolled his eyes with a deep sigh. Then he tightened his grip on my chin,
"Do not play games with me. "
Usually, I would have snapped right about now, and so fed up with the men on this planet, so tired. All of it would have ignited the short fuse to my explosive temper, fueling my need to protect myself and knock them down a notch. Instead, I surprised even myself, and I felt like I broke in his grip. Tears spilled over, streamed down my cheeks, and I had no control over either the trembling in my voice or my lip. My anger had vanished, my raging walls had shattered, and I had nothing left to fight with. I had nothing to fight it with, not even a second to try to hold it back or find my mask. I broke under the intense stare of his emerald green eyes; my spirit splintered in his palm.
"Stop it. I told you, this is the last time. I do not like liars, and do not play games with me! And believe me, little pupp; you do not want to see me angry!"
The rumbling anger in his voice and the way his muscles tightened in his whole body, and I swear his eyes attracted the darkest shadows I've ever seen. It didn't help; all my defense had fallen, and I couldn't find it even if I wanted. I was too far gone. All of me was on display, bare without a single mask to hide behind, and he didn't even believe me. It hurt; my chest squeezed around my heart, refused my body enough oxygen, and I'd never felt so naked my whole life.
" I don't know where she is! I don't even know if she is alive or not! I just met her; how am I supposed to know where she left? Weak. Maybe she did die?"
I started rambling, my voice broke into several places, and no matter how hard I tried to hold the tears back, they kept coming and trickling over my lip. My body's deceit streaked my skin and left wet marks all over my face, and I couldn't stop. Desperate to stop this helpless feeling, to stop the shattering inside of me, I pushed myself up from his lap and whimpered when I applied pressure on my wrist.
His eyes darted down to my wrist again, and I panicked. Continued rambling about Drifta, that I didn't belong here, that I shouldn't be alive. I am best on my own, and it's a reason I'm alone. A reason nobody stays or comes back. I lost track, and words kept rolling out of my mouth without meaning, confessions I hadn't even admitted to myself. Panic talking, crying, heaving for air, and if it weren't for my voice breaking, I probably would have started shouting.
I didn't have time to push him away, didn't have time to realize what he did before that rumbling song vibrated through the air again-deep humming wrapped around me in a tight and warm cloud. The feeling of being intoxicated spread through my muscles and my mind and slurred my vision. I forced my eyes open again and again, but sleep craved for me to give in, and I knew within seconds that I was about to lose the fight. And that fast. The last thing I saw before my eyelids grew too heavy was his smile: a warm smile and green eyes with cat-like pupils.
"Sleep. "
And with that last word, darkness flooded me. A dark chuckle echoed in the dark, and I remembered to fight; an instant reaction to run from danger spiked in my chest the second it was too late.