This wasn’t an easy kiss. It was a kiss filled with bad intentions. I had to cling to his shirt to stay upright. The fear, the anger, the pain, they were all swallowed up by the kiss. Everything Hunter’s kisses had lacked, this one had in spades.
Jordan’s tongue sought mine with hungry urgency. It was maddening to taste him, to feel the strength in his body pressing against mine. He made me forget all those things I kept locked away. I slid into the kiss and didn’t hate myself for it. I slid my hands up his chest and wanted more.
I forgot it all, every bad thing and every bad touch.
It was all Jordan.
I was reeling when he pulled away, no amount of beer could have left me that drunk. All the emotion that had been so tightly locked away came rushing back when he touched me.
I hated myself for feeling that way, and I hated him for making me feel.
Caleb had raped me, taken away everything that made me feel whole, all the parts of me I’d thought I was saving for Jordan Slater. Here I stood staring at the man who’d sent me running straight for the devil that broke me. My truths were on the tip of my tongue.
His chest, strong and wide, rose and fell in rapid breaths, telling me he was as stunned by the potency of that sensual kiss as I was.
A part of me whispered that if he knew, he could keep me safe. And maybe I could have what I always wanted. It wouldn’t be fair to him. I didn’t want to be that girl who got herself into trouble and ran straight for the boy next door.
Unable to trust myself, I turned and walked away. I hated myself even more when I ran into the house without looking back.
****
Monday morning dawned early that week. I’d been home long enough to settle in, now it was time to get back to work. Find a rhythm, find something solid to grasp onto. I couldn’t float through life. My parents had decided I’d go back to work at the shop until I finished up my degree. It was a job I took pride in, we all did.
Breanna rode to work with me that morning. As much as I wasn’t a morning person, she was less. She huddled over her coffee in the passenger seat and occasionally made grumbling noises. Grumbling or not, it was the first time I’d been alone with her since the incident with Jordan in the back yard.
“So, what did Jordan say to you?” I fought a losing battle to keep my voice neutral.
She scowled across the front of the Jeep. It was still too early to cut through her crappy mood enough to make her feel guilty. “Say to me?”
“To make you tell him when I was on my way home last night?”
She groaned groggy annoyance. “I don’t even remember. What does it matter?”
“Because, you are my sister.” “Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. You’re my sister, your loyalty should be to me.”
Breanna scoffed before sipping her coffee. “This is serious, Breanna.”
She laughed. It didn’t annoy me as much as it had when we were younger. “You can’t sit here and tell me that you didn’t get a little tingle of excitement when he was waiting on you. You’ve always wanted to come home and find Jordan waiting on you. I know, I read your diary once.”
I didn’t respond, because if I said no it would be lying. Not that I was above lying in extreme circumstances, but lying to family wasn’t something I was willing to do.
It made me angrier that she was right, more so than she’d read my diary as kids. What would she think of my diary now, if I still kept one?
“Besides, I don’t even know what I told him. He called looking for you, that’s all I remember.”
After several long moments of my pointedly ignoring her, Breanna shifted in the seat. “So, what happened?”
I concentrated on my driving. “Nothing.” “Whatever, if it was nothing you wouldn’t be
trying to stay mad at me.”
“With that snarky tone of voice, I don’t have to try
to be mad at you,” I growled.
Breanna shook her long dark hair. The scent of Jasmine followed. “Raelynn, you have two, not one but two super-hot guys that would walk through fire to be with you. If you count Hunter, that makes three. Don’t act victimized, you’re loving every minute of this.”
She slammed the door to the truck before I’d even gotten it fully parked in front of the shop. My sister had said a lot of things to me in our lives, she’d even hit me a few times. But, what she said struck me worse than a slap across the face. She had no idea, none at all, of my feelings or desires. To Breanna it was all a game.
I knew better.