Shock rippled through me, rooting me to the spot. I had to be wrong, but I knew, I knew I wasn’t. Logic fought with my emotions, nothing made sense, and I was abruptly pulled back to that dark place where only pain and confusion existed. My fiery anger was quelled completely by grief.
We have to go - My wolf sounded far away, but she was right.
Just start walking - She pleaded. Did I not?
I looked down, and my feet were still rooted to the dark fraying carpet. I swallowed and forced them to move. They felt heavy and wouldn’t do what I wanted. I didn’t walk away, I broke into a run, and I couldn’t stop.
I ran down the stairs, through the front hall, and out the front door I hadn’t used in Goddess knew how long. I didn’t know if I passed anyone. I didn’t care how I looked. My mask shattered completely, and I left it on the floor of the hallway outside that office.
I ran into the woods, brambles tugged at my dress, and my hair ripped through twigs. I wished I could have felt any of that at the moment, any sense of physical pain to take away this emotional riptide.
I stumbled over a rock or fallen tree or maybe just nothing, and I sank into the cold ground and screamed.
My breathing was erratic. I had no control over it anymore. I thought I might suffocate as I choked on sobs. I couldn’t get enough air.
“Simone,” a soft buttery voice called to me. It was the only thing I heard outside myself. Where were all the other sounds? At least, that was a rational thought.
I took heaving breaths, trying to keep myself alive. But for what?
I closed my eyes and saw them lying there in their own blood.
I forced them open again and saw the dark forest floor littered with leaves and the tip of familiar worn, polished, black boots.
“Simone.”
He knelt before me, and warm, calloused fingers gently gripped my chin, tilting my head back. His mismatched eyes were filled with a sort of sadness that I hadn’t seen from him before. Maybe he was capable of more emotion than he let on.
I swallowed.
“Are you okay?” I studied him, my brows tugged together. He took a deep breath, scanning my face, and dropped his hand. “That was stupid. I don’t know why I asked.” He ran a hand through his long chestnut brown hair. It was unbound and hung over his shoulders. I wondered where he had come from.
“How did you find me?” I croaked, frowning at my voice.
The corner of his lips twitched up. “You didn’t go far,” he said.
“I’m in the forest,” I explained.
“Yes,” he agreed. “You ran past the training ground.” I frowned. “Don’t worry, I was there alone,” he said, answering my unspoken question.
Now that the immediate shock wore off, I was feeling extremely stupid. How many people saw me? What did they see? It was evident my uncle - I couldn’t call him that anymore… It was evident Miles had seen me, but he didn’t know I had seen him. I hoped.
“Fuck,” I muttered. “Fuck!” I screamed, digging my hands into the earth and hanging my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. I looked up at him and glared. “I’ll be here if you do.” He leaned back against a tree, looking the picture of unbothered confidence.
“Is this part of your plan?” I asked. “Find me vulnerable and try to get me to admit to something I couldn’t have possibly done?” I spat. I pretty much admitted to it earlier, but I was angry, and I couldn’t take it out on anyone else.
“I’m not the bad guy,” he whispered, frowning. “I told you that.”
“And I’m to trust you with my secrets? With my pain?” I seethed
“You don’t have to believe me, I thought-”
“You thought you could fix me like some of your big problems.” I pushed myself to my knees. “Make up for your bloodied past by being a kind-hearted mercenary that protects morals.”
His jaw tightened, and something flashed across his face. He averted his gaze from me for the first time ever. “That’s not fair,” he said.
I wanted a fight, I wanted to yell to shout to scream at something, at anything, and he wouldn’t give me it. I glared at him, but he only sat unwaveringly still.
“It’s not,” I admitted crumbling into myself. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for,” he said. I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t meet his. “You believe what you said.”
“I do, but it’s not a bad thing.” I played with the bottom of my torn dress, picking out some brambles. “Your past wasn’t your fault. I think it’s noble for you to try to make up for something that you didn’t have a say in doing.”
“Noble,” he repeated, and I dared to raise my head. He was smiling at me faintly. “I don’t think any amount of actions can make up for my past, nor am I trying to.”
“Oh?”
He shrugged; it was more a slight raise of a shoulder. “I don’t know who I would have become if I was given a normal childhood. Now I get choices. I, we, chose to do something better than our predecessor, with the only skills that he gave us.”
“Noble, as I said,” I muttered, and he gave me a broad smile, tugging up a scar, which I couldn’t help but return.
“I like what I do. I like being able to help instead of hurt,” he said, and the darkness settled on his face again.
“I’m not. Not everything you did was bad. Some of the people…” I trailed off. Some of the people he killed. I didn’t need to say it aloud. “I’m sure some were bad. Who knows how many people you saved?”
He nodded slightly. “I thought about that. But, in the end, I have no idea. I don’t know where my scale lies, how many good people I saved, how many I sentence to the next life too early.” He slumped. Actually slumped. It was so normal, so human. He turned into who he might have been if he hadn’t been trained since childhood to be something else.
“I, uh. I just found out who betrayed my pack,” I admitted. The words clogged my throat, and I looked back to my skirt as tears pricked my eyes.
“Simone,” he said.
“Don’t pity me, please-” I choked. I couldn’t take pity, not from him. My stomach tightened, and my chest prickled as the weight settled in.
He scooted closer so he was sitting in front of me, his knees touching mine.
I didn’t even try to deny what I knew to be true. I couldn’t. All I could do was try to fit these two jagged puzzle pieces together. Miles, who was my dad's childhood best friend, my mother's confidant, my uncle, and the man who betrayed my pack, sentencing us all to slaughter. My brain couldn’t wrap around it.
I spent years trying to make sense of how an outsider knew of our weakness. No one could deny the Alpha command, but the ranked members probably weren’t commanded - they didn’t need to.
He never commanded me, but I never would have told.
Neither my dad's Luna, Beta Gamma, or Gamma’s mate would have betrayed the pack. There must have not been a command on them.
But his Beta did betray him, betray us, betray the entirety of the pack.
For what?
I let silent tears fall. Ezra sat in silence before me. He took one of my hands into both of his and gave it a gentle squeeze. Warmth flooded through me at the rare gentle touch.
We can trust him - Aksala promised - I know his wolf
I trusted her, at least, even if I didn’t fully trust him.
“I wasn’t supposed to be alive,” I admitted. “The man that betrayed my pack thought I was dead. He wanted that.” That realization took hold of me.
But I was saved thanks to my bloodline. I was taken because they thought I would produce strong heirs, but they didn't realize was that I a strong heir myself.
That flickering fire awoken and lapped up at me. They would all pay. Not just in death. Death would be too easy, too nice for them. My rage took hold as if it were a physical thing.
I would tear them down, brick by brick. Nothing of their line or their pack would be left.
Death was too merciful.
I felt something within me shift. A new purpose awoke. I started to map out the possibilities. It was the only thing that was helping me climb out of that blackness.
I smiled. It was something cruel and wicked and probably as unhinged as I felt.
Ezra opened his mouth to say something. I knew I was probably scaring him. “What’s the plan?” he asked.