The voice in my head, my wolf, pulled me back to myself.
Hi - I thought.
Rough day?
I choked on a laugh - Rough few years
I know - She paused - I know
Having her with me calmed me more than I knew was possible. For once, since I was stolen from my pack, I felt that I wasn’t completely alone. Even if my wolf was part of me, she was a counterpart. Her showing up alerted me to my stark loneliness that I pushed away where it couldn’t linger on the edges.
I felt stronger than ever, powerful as if my wolf awoke every sense along with her, and she might have.
I stood up tall and brushed off the dress. I made it this far. I had been through worse and come out of it. I am from a long line of Alphas. Alpha blood runs through me. Powerful blood runs through me.
I am power, and I am blood.
__
I made it through a polite dinner. I could tell by Alpha Raymond’s constant stares that he thought I would have come in crying or broke down at the table. But I wouldn’t give him that, and I didn’t feel the sadness anymore. Just the familiar firey anger that flickered and flared and fought. I let some of it lap up, but it stayed where it needed to, where I trained it. Deep below the surface, fueling the endless well of hate and anger that could only be quelled by blood.
Theirs.
__
Alpha Raymond instructed us all out to the back when dinner was barely cleared. I hated how eager he was, how much of an interest he was showing me where usually he ignored or forgot about my existence. Luna Addison/Addison floated away, mumbling some excuse no one bothered to listen. I wasn’t sure what was worse, her not caring or her mate’s caring.
I followed wordlessly outside to the back of the packhouse. The air was cold, but my skin puckered for another reason. The nerves and fear I couldn’t quell, even if I hid them on the outside.
“Come here.” Alpha Raymond opened his hands, wearing a smile that sent my blood boiling and my stomach churning.
I didn’t have to fake the shaky steps I took to them. It took all of my will to suppress the familiar anger I felt flaring inside of me, meeting with the new rage that I felt now. Helplessness and pure hate flickered through me. The only thing that kept me moving forward was the promise of their blood on my hands.
Dominick, Hunter, and Nolan stood in a semi-circle around their father. I stopped next to Alpha Raymond. I barely glanced up, but I caught Dominick and Hunter’s hungry, cocky stares. But Nolan looked away as soon as my eyes met his.
“Your first shift,” Alpha Raymond boomed. His voice sounded almost revenant.
His hands came to the back of my neck, and I tensed. “Show us your wolf,” he whispered. “You’re not mated to any of my sons, so you’ll be paired with the next Alpha,” he said matter-of-factly as if he was asking if it would rain.
He unbuttoned the back of my dress, and his hands came to my bare shoulders and pushed off the thick fabric away from me. I don’t know why, but I looked back, and I was met with his grimy smile that would haunt my nightmares.
The fabric slipped from my shoulders, and I grabbed it to my chest. “Drop it,” The Alpha commanded, and even though he wasn’t my Alpha, I knew I had to.
I focused on the thought of their faces in their last moments at my hand and dropped my arms. The dress slipped down to the cold floor, and I was left standing in a flimsy bra and underwear.
“That’s better,” Alpha Raymond said approvingly. Hot, hopeless tears pricked at my eyes, but I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. “Shift,” Alpha Raymond purred. His voice was soft and eager as he tugged on a lock of my loose hair.
Dominick wore a slimy grin that mirrored his father's, and Hunter’s eyes raked over me, but Nolan looked away.
I sank to my knees, fast and hard. It hurt, but I would take anything to make this go faster. I dug my hands in the ground and grabbed at the dirt, trying to focus on anything besides my anger. I couldn’t take them all now.
I breathed deeply, and my wolf thankfully came forward even though my mind was anything but clear. My bones shifted and popped, hair sprung from me in fiery waves. I clenched my teeth and fought against my cries of pain, and eventually, I stood in the back of someone else's mind. Everything was sharp, clear, and vivid. It was beautiful.
I let out a loud huff, we let out a loud huff and the cold air filled with tendrils of condensation. Power rolled through us, and I shivered under its delicious waves that seemed to pulsate through the air around us.
I wasn’t sure if it was a figment of my imagination of my fruitless dreams taking form, but I swear I saw the nightmare brothers wince and almost cower. We sat down a large paw and then, before I could think or react, we took off running.
Each time a paw met the earth, it bounded us faster. My mind reeled; a small, very insignificant part of me now thought that we should turn back, that we shouldn’t look like we were running. But mostly, I just felt alive. Fully alive for the first time since my parents were taken from me.
Adrenaline replaced my blood. The cold air caressed my face as we moved through it. The scent of overturned dirt wafted behind us.
And I felt, and I let myself feel everything. Nothing else mattered but this incredible feeling I wanted to hold on to.
Too soon, far too soon, or maybe it was hours, we slowed. It was unspoken, but we both knew we had to head back.
Slowly we pushed off again, gaining speed, until we halted in front of four pairs of confused eyes, panting heavily even though I knew I could run for hours longer. I wasn’t sure if it was for show or if it was the adrenaline being released in long breaths.
“Well, very well, now that that is done,” Alpha Raymond said, glancing behind his sons at me. I couldn’t understand his shocked expression. Was it because we returned? “You may get some sleep,” he continued, “don’t run alone in wolf form, and never past the borders, its not safe out here.”
We nodded lowly, setting our head a bit down in something that might have resembled a bow - but it wasn’t.
Dominick stared down at me with a cocky grin, nodding at me approvingly as if he already owned me, as if he could own me. But I guess he saw me as a pet now more than ever. Nolan wore the same confused expression as his father, and Hunter’s face shifted between awe and something that might have been adoration. Probably lust, definitely lust from him.
“Don’t you want to shift back and get into your pretty dress?” Dominick crooned.
“Come on, we won’t bite,” Hunter said, taking Dominick’s bait. “Hard.”
Hunter snatched up my dress and held it high, raising an eyebrow taunting me. It was snatched from his hands and thrown in front of me.
“Come on, guys, let her go to bed,” Nolan said. Wait... Nolan said? Dominick and Hunter’s gaze shifted to his. “Don’t you think this is getting old?” he added and shrugged that tiny glimmer of confidence he found extinguished in a moment. At least he tried.
We met his eye and nodded slightly.
Aksala picked up the dress in her mouth and walked to the front of the packhouse without a backward glance. We shifted back, and I winced against the pain. Not as bad as shifting, but extraordinarily uncomfortable nonetheless. For this to be natural for us, why did it have to be so damn painful?
I threw on the dress even though it was inside out and slipped into the door closets to my steps.
I took a long hot shower as if that could burn the skin off that they saw, that they laid their eyes on. I covered my mouth and screamed. My hot tears mixed with the shower until it ran cold.
I debated burning the dress, but I let it lay in a crumple on the floor, hoping Alice would forget about it somewhere in the depths of my closet.
I settled in bed and pulled the comforter tightly around me, but nothing could keep the chill out from within.
“Happy birthday, Simone,” A voice like buttery rolling thunder tugged me from my almost sleep state. I blinked a few times, but no one was there. Something caught my eye, glittering in the light of the moon, and I forced myself to sit up.
On my windowsill was small, smooth dark wooden box. I brought it closer to the fire, and it illuminated a moonstone crescent moon surrounded by gold-leaf stars. I opened it and ran my hand along the dark velvet that lined the inside.
It bubbled unfamiliar emotions, and I choked back a sob. I clutched it close to my heart and fell asleep holding it.