My last breath felt like was knocked out of me.
Logically, I knew what he was capable of. To conspire with Alpha Raymond for the demise of my entire pack. His entire pack. The pack he swore to protect above all else.
He was capable of orchestrating the slaughter of those closest to him, no matter how big a part he played. Any part he played was too much.
But somehow, hearing that he wanted me dead still shook me. To my very essence, the part that still unwillingly held on to my past.
I slipped back into who I used to be before this all for a blissful and haunting moment.
The child in me that knew him as my uncle, my confidant, my family, knew he wouldn’t do anything to harm me. He would protect me at all costs.
Protection, protected. Something so foreign it made me crumble.
My labored breathing and heaving chest brought me back. I wasn’t a child; I wasn’t protected. I realized that the blanket of shock I was holding since I found out still was weighing on me, however lightly.
Maybe I pushed it away. Maybe I processed as much as I could. But now, this fully hit me. I grasped at my stomach as a cocktail of betrayal and anguish hit my and my former self.
“Simone?” Ezra said from a voice far away.
My name rang through me and echoed through my ears.
“Oh,” I thought I said, but it was over a cloud of haze. “Oh,” I tried again, and it was more myself. I finally found my breath.
My ‘uncle’, the one who somehow harnessed power not of his own.
He wanted me dead. He asked Ezra to kill me.
I let that sink in.
I turned to look at Ezra. He had thankfully settled back into his calm composure.
“And?” I asked.
He sat back in the chair, his face more shocked than I thought possible from him. He was staring at me, possibly gaping if he could.
“Simone, really?” he asked. He sounded hurt and possibly angry.
“Just checking,” I murmured.
He was on the floor in front of me, between my legs. His warm hands cupped the sides of my cheeks, and I settled into them, feeling the weight of everything lessen, if only a bit.
“Simone, look at me.” I opened my eyes and met his brown and blue ones. “I am here to protect you.” I pursed my lips and he gave me his half-smile I loved. “Well, I know that wasn’t why I was here first, but I will protect you.”
“Always,” he added.
“Me too,” I whispered and leaned into his palms, putting a hand up to hold the back of one of his.
This felt right. Warmth and content, drowsy butterflies slowly glided through me.
“Simone-”
I sat up, hearing a familiar pair of footsteps I didn’t expect to be together. Not up here. “Someone coming,” I whispered. “I need you to ask your brothers for one thing,” I added and whispered it to him.
“I’ll get it,” he promised. “Library later?” I nodded.
His hands were off me in an instant, and I was left with a coldness that rattled through me. All the warmth, even from the fire, seemed to seep away.
I stood and brushed my black dress off, taking a seat in front of my mirror, staring vacantly ahead.
A quick knock sounded. “Come in,” I called.
Sam opened the door, and next to him stood Tia, who wore a wide smile and couldn’t stop bouncing up and down.
“Is this a good time?” Sam asked, looking around as if someone might be here.
I nodded and motioned for him to come in. I went to sit back in the chair I just vacated.
“I’ll be outside if you need me,” Tia whispered.
“Thank you,” Sam said, and I offered her a smile. Once the door was shut, he added, “very enthusiastic that one.”
I nodded again. My first impression of her was that overly skittish Omega; the fact that she was even comfortable enough around Sam now was a huge improvement.
“I won’t stay long,” he said, “ I know I’m not supposed to be here.”
“It’s okay; the banquet is probably in full swing.”
“It is,” he agreed and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to see you sooner.” It really hadn’t been that long, but every day now felt endless and over too quickly at the same time.
“How are you?” he asked, studying me. The familiar kindness was there, but it was sitting over a hard, almost wary face.
I took a moment to respond. How was I?
“Okay,” I said.
I was terrified, filled with adrenaline, hopeful, excited, warm butterflies danced with Ezra’s lingering touch, momentarily holding the dread that lingered since I saw Miles, felt Miles. It was everything at once.
Okay, seemed like a good middle line.
“Okay,” he repeated, or maybe he was agreeing. “Do you still intend to-”
“Yes,” I responded, of that I was sure. The challenge was going ahead, and if it wasn’t… then Alpha Raymond wouldn’t be alive this much longer
“Simone,” he said with a deep sigh.
“What is it?” I tried not to snap, but I thought we were past this.
“Nothing new.” He shook his head. “I just hoped…”
“And news?” I asked, trying to move on.
His lips formed a thin line. “Not really.” He shook his head. I’ve still been trying to mention it in passing, but…” He shrugged. “Nothing new; there might not even be enough of a backing,” he admitted, but I could sense the hopefulness in his tone.
“If there isn’t a challenge, then what?” he asked. “Will you pack a bag and come back with me? I’ll protect you.”
I shook my head slightly. “I have things to take care of here, but I will consider it,” I said, and it didn’t feel like that much of a lie, but I wasn’t sure why.
He looked at me with a mix of horror and sadness. “I will be okay,” I promised him. “I can take care of myself.”
He swallowed and nodded, but his eyes never left mine.
“I will be there to support you tomorrow and every day after.” Sam stood and reached out a hand. I placed mine in his and shook it.
“Alpha,” he said, nodding lowly.
My lips curled into a smile, and the rightness of that title shot through me.
“Alpha, Sam,” I replied. “Same goes for you.”
_____
I kept on my black funeral dress and wandered the hall toward the library. Even from inside the thick stone walls, I could hear the party in full swing outside; laughter and chatter swelled as if there weren’t two more bodies in the ground.
I walked in, already knowing he was there, before I saw him standing by the fire. An eclipse shutting out the brightness in his dark but beautiful attire.
“Simone,” he said in his rumbling voice without even looking back. He sounded raw and deep and yearning.
I slowly walked toward him after locking the door, hopefully quietly behind me. I couldn’t have any surprise distractions.
I stood next to him as close as I could without touching. I could feel the electricity course between- a living thing.
Ezra spoke, still looking at the fire, “I was trained from a young age to find a beauty of sorts in rightness, in the outcome, but that never sat well with me. It was too rigid.”
I stood silently waiting for the rest of the confession I felt building.
“Then, I was taught to find it in execution, and that made more sense to me. I was trained to find beauty in fearlessness, in the sound that steel made when it met with a strong blade.”
He breathed out, but it was so quiet that I wouldn’t have noticed without my hearing. He turned to me, and I forced myself to meet his blazing stare. My cheeks felt hot, and my stomach tightened in nerves and anticipation.
“Simone,” his soothing, thundering voice sounded more like the promise of a storm. “You are beautiful in your own right, and I do apologize if I attributed your beauty to your capabilities, to your sword, because of my training, my upbringing,” he spoke and his eyes seemed hollow with his admission.
“But I find you beautiful not because of your face or your fighting style.” He shrugged, his half smile tugged through his scar. “That helps, of course.”
I laughed once. “Thanks…” I said, my voice trailed away.
“But you are beautiful in your resilience, you are beautiful in your strength, in your snarkiness, in the way you calculate things and think of them before others do. In the way you restrain yourself in ways that will serve you later but will not give you satisfaction now.” I tried to focus on the words, but my blood was rushing to my ears. I wasn’t expecting this, and I didn’t know how to take it.
“I found you curious in a world I deemed dull. I found you interesting, and so few things were to me, and since I realized nothing I noticed was ever truly interesting before you.”
I swallowed, wanting to look away, and it seemed he did too. I wished I could find something to say, but all I could do was focus on my burning eyes, trying to will the tears not to well there.
“You are beauty, strength, and everything I wish I could be. I want to learn from you I want to be with you. I know you are still finding yourself, but what I have found in you is stability. You are chaos.” He laughed. “But at least your chaos can be depended on.”
I laughed loudly and wiped my eyes, fighting everything in me not to sob. I felt the affection, the truth in his words. It wasn’t just because I was deprived of any affection for years. This was something else. Something new but raw and real.
“I want to be in your life in whatever capacity you’ll have me,” he admitted his adams apple bobbing. “If you’ll have me.”
That struck me.
He knew me so briefly and during a time that I put forward my worst. He was actively trying to be better where I wasn’t. It should be the other way around.
“Ezra,” I said, my voice struggling against my raw throat. “I’m the one who should be asking that.”
“Simone, I have done things,” he replied. His face dropped, and eyes darkened with his haunted past.
“I cut off a dick,” I said, with a slight shrug, trying to pull him back.
“So have I.”
“I enjoyed it,” I added. He winced.
“There is no part of you that can scare me”
“Okay.” I shrugged
“Try me.” He raised a brow.
My words, confessions, my deepest fears bubbled up. That I was the one that made myself unloveable. I wanted to yell them, but they never left my lips.
“When you’re ready, if you ever are, I’m here.” He wrapped a piece of my hair around his finger and tucked it gently behind my ear. “And there is no part of what you share with me that won't make you love you more, you delicious little killer.”
My lips twitched into an unexpected smile, and I felt… I felt seen. I knew that no matter what he saw in me, he wouldn’t turn away.
“What do you want?” I asked. “From me.”
“Whatever you will let me have,” he said too quickly.
“Okay.”
I swallowed. I wanted this. I hoped it wouldn’t make things worse, wouldn’t hurt him or hurt us further, but I thought I needed the experience, the release before tomorrow. And more than anything…
I wanted him, too. Possibly more than he wanted me.
I needed him in this moment.
I needed him.
I grabbed at the back of my dress and fought to undo it enough that it could slip off me. Ezra’s eyes widened as he watched me.
Eventually, too long later, I was able to push it off my shoulders. The flimsy bra came off with it, so I was standing bare in front of him with only my underwear in a pool of mourning clothes of the ones I killed.