I reluctantly pulled myself off, Ezra. “Sam’s coming,” I said.
I didn’t get or send a note but this is where I held council now. I realized it was also where I felt the safest at this pack.
Ezra stood and looked back at me with longing and the briefest, brightest smile I thought I might have imagined as he faded into the shadows of the bookshelves near the door. “Leave the letter in our book,” he whispered and then dissapeared as if he were a shadow himself.
Sam knocked and opened the door, before it closed behind him Ezra was a blur on silent feet, Sam didn’t even notice him a few feet away. I shivered, he was a honed killer, but the shiver was more of delight and lust than fear.
“I was hoping you were here,” Sam wore a smile but it was shallow. “You look flushed, are you okay?”
I instinctually touched my warm cheeks. “I was standing too close to the fire.” I said trying not to smile at the too recent memory. I straightened my skirt and motioned to the seat Ezra was just in.
Sam settled into it but it was a hollow comparison to Ezra. I immediately missed him. I guess I could check having a friend off the list of why I was so viscerally attracted to him.
I liked Sam, I trusted him. I valued our time together and felt that I owed him more debts than a lifetime could repay. But what I felt for Ezra, even before I understood it, was different. He was different. Sam was beautiful in the way of an Alpha. Tall, honed, his dark blonde hair was always neatly combed and he gave off the perfect mix of power and grace. He was such a nice contrast to the people I had been forced to deal with here.
He was respectful, caring, and his mate would be a lucky woman. A flicker of a thought came to me before I could stop it. I imagined me meeting his mate in person, after he found her, of course. I imagined us all being friends, of visiting his pack. Ezra standing at my side. I shut my eyes and shook my head to try to erase the insane daydream.
My over-worked mind was playing tricks with me.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
I blinked a few times and locked my gaze with him to see worry and care in his light blue eyes. I nodded. “Just bracing myself for the news.” I motioned to him and tried to find a smile.
“I’ve talked to them a few times, not to push it but to try to get a sense of where they are. I think I have a pretty good understanding now.” He paused and I tried to steady my heartbeat.
I didn’t like the sense of relying on others. It was foreign and as much as I appreciated the help, so much was riding on someone that wasn’t me. So much of my fate now relied on Sam’s abilities to convince people, of others to actually back me.
I could come out victorious or just stand there with no backing showing my hand to The Alpha and Luna.
“I will back you, of course.” He looked at me and his smile was a bit more genuine. “Stephen said he would back you too, he’s confident his father will listen to him. Carrick’s Alpha-”
“Alpha John,” I noted.
He nodded approvingly. “Yes. He trusts Carrick and is a great person and Alpha. But Carrick gets the sense he would back you if others did.”
My gaze fell to my lap, if everyone said they would only back me if others did, what good was that?
“Alpha Jameson said he would back me, it was his idea,” I said but my words felt hollow.
“He did,” Sam reiterated, “but he would be the least trustworthy.”
“And the others?” I asked. “Alpha Owen of Starry Ravine? Alpha Timothy of Silver Lake? Alpha Liam of Dark Wood?” I asked, to check my memory.
Sam’s blue eyes widened slightly. “You’ve been studying,” he said.
“I have, I want to do this right.” I lifted my chin meeting his stare. He looked me over as if re-assessing me.
“Simone-”
“I’m sure I want to do this,” I said with steely resolve. I hadn’t been so sure of anything recently. Besides Ezra. I pushed that errant, erratic thought away.
“Okay.” He rubbed the back of his neck but his eyes never left mine. “Alpha Timothy just waved me off, he was interested in the story about you being alive and what might have happened to your pack.”
“Might?” I cut in.
“I know what happened, but you have to see it from their perspectives,” he said, his voice soft and low.
I crossed my arms. “I do.” I hated it.
“He wouldn’t hear of anything else, the challenge, he just waved it off as gossip. I can try again but…” I shook my head I knew a lost cause when I saw one, or heard one. “Alpha Liam is an older Alpha, he didn’t marry until later, and his kids are young.” I tucked that information away. “He sees it as a lost cause. He doesn’t want change, he doesn’t want to cause discord within the territory. And I think he’s a little scared of Alpha Raymond now..”
I nodded slowly, at least that might mean that he truly believed what Alpha Raymond was capable of, truly believed what happened at Blood Moon.
“Set in his ways, I’m afraid,” he muttered. He moved to run a hand through his hair but then frowned and thought better of it, I smiled at him. Some of the boy I now remembered shone through his tidy Alpha persona.
“I know the type well,” I replied.
“Alpha Owen seemed interested but then wouldn’t talk about it further.” I sighed, that seemed like three very firm ‘no’s.
He turned toward me and met my frown. “You have to understand that none of these Alphas think you will win. The ones that are standing are not standing because they think leadership will be changed. They are making a stand against him and the abhorrent way he treated your pack.”
Sam’s fists clenched and eyes flashed black. I scooted forward and put a hand over his closed fist, it was honestly really nice seeing someone else angry and upset about my pack.
“Sorry,” he said, shaking his head.
“Don’t be.”
I knew backing me would be a huge thing. Alpha Raymond wasn’t a young Alpha but I was a hostage for years, and what was a young girl, who stopped her training years ago against a fully grown Alpha that had been in power almost thirty years?
“No one has seen you besides that other night. It was hard enough to convince them you weren’t a ghost.” His eyes held sympathy of one that already accepted his deminse. I hated it, I had to look away.
At least that night I stood tall to those few I talked to. But I also scampered away and hid behind Alpha Raymond. They didn’t know how strong I was, I was sure they heard rumors of how good I was at a young age, they knew Blood Moon’s reputation, but that reputation was only slowly starting to get rebuilt -a few days ago.
“I understand,” I said slowly. “They aren’t backing me because they think I have a chance.” If they did, there might be a few more on my side, especially those fearful of Alpha Raymond. “I know its a lot for them to risk just to stand against his actions for someone they think will die at the challenge.”
They would deal with those consequences, and I would be grateful, but they thought I would be dead.
“Exactly,” Sam said, searching my face again. “I just have to ask, last time I swear. Do you think you have a chance?”
“I do,” I said.
If I had more time I could convince them that I had more than a small chance, but we had a few days left. Panic settled in as I realized how little time I actually had until the challenge.
Let me out so we can train together - Aksala begged and I agreed.
I would find a way somehow.
Alpha Raymond might have the upper hand, or think he did, but I had the element of surprise and anger that I could hone into a weapon.
Once Sam left, I pulled out the stationary we kept here in a trunk of loose papers. I wondered not for the first time how many hidden gems were here, how much history forgotten. My hands were almost shaking heavy with the weight of what I was about to put into place.
I wrote a note, re-wrote it, and then sealed it and left it in the book.
I took one last glance at the library, the shadows dancing around the fading embers and I felt strange, almost longing, nostalgic. I was feeling the pangs of missing this place and I never thought I would come to find any even passable memories in this damned, cold, ancient, packhouse.