HIS WORDS hit my heart so hard that I couldn't move. I swallowed his word, but my heart didn't seem to accept it, so I shook repeatedly.
"No, it can't be happening. You can't do this, Calix!" I blurted out.
He furrowed his brows and looked at me with dark dispassionate eyes.
"You don't have to shout. I'm still the boss here," he said seriously.
My eyes widened, and the resentment in my heart slowly rose. Why would he ever tell me who he is and what I am to him?
"I-I'm sorry," I utterly said.
I had to bend down and bite my lips hard to stop the tears from falling. So this is it? Is this the answer I was waiting for?
The truth finally spoke up! I endured the pain and swallowed his exact words.
"Look, I don't want to hurt you, but if this is my only choice, I'd rather tell you the truth so you don't have any expectations from me."
It seemed as if he was trying to hit me with his words. How could he rip my heart out like that? His words ripped me to shreds and destroyed me.
"How about that kiss?" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "Tell me, are you making fun of me?! You kissed me, Calix. Was that all just a joke? You know how much I like you!"
I caught him clenched his jaw and gasping heavily. He also did a few shakes before staring straight into my eyes.
"Well, a good joke always gets a big laugh, isn't it?" Then I laughed as harder as I could.
"Cherry . . ." he calmly said and grabbed one of my arms.
"I'm sorry," he uttered softly.
That's not what I want to hear from him. Because sorry was not a word for forgiveness. Is it a word of goodbye.
I pulled my arm away from him with all my might and left his office without warning.
Jacky greeted me with broad smiles, but I just passed and ran towards CR. I quietly cried inside the cubicle. I thought I dared to face the truth. It is true that no matter how brave you are, you can still feel pain.
"Cherry, are you okay?!" Jacky repeatedly knocked on the door.
I sniffed and wiped away the tears. "Yeah, I'm fine," I answered.
"I'll wait for you outside," she said before I could hear her footsteps away from the bathroom.
I bit my lips hard. How am I going to deal with Calixto again without feeling anything?
***
I'm not sure how I manage to pass my days as if everything is fine. Every night, I went to work. Calixto was there, but I couldn't look him in the eyes. I didn't say anything, particularly when we passed each other on our way to the restaurant. I built a wall between the two of us. Because that's what it should be, and that's what was right.
There were times that I have to come over to ask for an order. He was the one who tossed at the bar counter with Yul when he was not in the office.
Again, I chose to be silent and civilized. Just work and nothing personal. But what really disappointed me was when he brought his girlfriend here one night for their first anniversary. According to what I heard from my co-workers, this was where Amanda wants to celebrate after they have dinner at a famous restaurant.
"Hey, are you okay?" Jacky elbowed me as I arranged some glasses next to Yul.
"Hmm," I nodded.
"Look at them. Isn't it like a slap in the face to you when he brought his new girlfriend here?" She leaned back and folded his arms while looking at Calixto and Amanda's table. Some of their friends were also there.
"Let them be. He has the right to invite whoever he wants here in his restaurant," I said and continued what I was doing.
"Even though he knew you would be hurt?" She looked at me again but didn't continue to say anything.
"It means he doesn't really feel anything for me."
"It's not like that, but it looks like that too." She shrugged her shoulder.
I just shook my head and went back to work. I just chose to avoid looking at them and just get busy with work.
***
"Cherry, take this bucket to their table." Yul handed me the ice bucket with beer.
I stared at him, but he just raised an eyebrow at me. "That's a command!" He even pointed to Calixto's table.
I was not mistaken because Calixto's gaze was focused on me. And he gave me an order look.
"Damn," I whispered. I pulled out the ice bucket and slowly walked closer to their table.
"Cherry Mae! What a surprise! You're still working here?" Amanda greeted me warmly.
I didn't smile but put down the ice bucket I was holding.
"Come, join us. Please, sweetheart?" She tapped Calixto's arm before looking up at me.
"I still have a job to do," I refused and tried to turn around, but I felt Calixto's hand on my wrist.
"Sit down," he commanded. It can be seen in his eyes that he was not joking with what he said.
I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath before facing him. He pulled out a chair at the other table and squeezed next to her.
"Sit down and join us," he ordered again, so even though I wanted to refuse, I couldn't do anything.
"Your loyalty to Calixto is unbelievable, huh?" One woman spoke. I don't remember her name, but I was sure I saw her at the school before.
"What loyalty are you referring to, Icy?" Amanda raised an eyebrow at her.
"Of course, at work." Then she laughed out loud.
I clasped my hands with the tension rising in my heart.
"Ah, how many years have you been here?" Amanda asked.
"Three years," I sparingly answered before bowing slightly.
"See? You even beat, Amanda." The girl named Icy smirked at Amanda.
"Whatever!" Amanda rolled her eyes. She dropped me a glass of vodka. "Drink it."
"I'm sorry, I don't drink at work," I refused.
"Is that true? Or did you just give your boss a good shot?" Her eyebrows twitched.
"Amanda," Calixto stopped her.
"Just have a drink," she told me, so I glanced at Calixto next to me. I couldn't read what was running through his mind.
I looked at the wine in the glass I was holding and closed my eyes as I drank. Inevitably, my face wrinkled because of the bad taste.
"Great! One more!" One of his friends seemed happy to put me a glass of vodka.
I looked again at Calixto, who was staring into my eyes.
"Drink it," Amanda ordered again.
Oh, fuck! I bit my lip and kissed the glass again to suck its contents.
"Hoooh!" I gathered the courage to feel its heat pull down my throat.
"Yeah!" They chant and raised their glass again for a toast almost at the same time.
I looked down at the glass that has filled with brandy. Even though I didn't want to drink it, I just picked it up and drink it. I closed my eyes and felt the heat of my body. I'll surely get drunk.
I looked up to feel the thread in three consecutive cheers. I also turned to Calixto, who was now talking to Amanda.
I bit my lower lip again because of the pain drawing in my heart. You know you will be hurt, but why are you still here? Are you still hoping? I whispered to myself.
The pain grew in my heart when I saw Amanda and Calixto kissing. Damn, it was like I was stabbed to my seat while watching that scene. Even the shouts of those in front of me could not stop the excitement of what had happened.
So I pulled out the bottle myself to fill my own glass. I took it straight and loudly lowered it to the table, which caused them to stop what they were doing.
"You are so sweet." Icy even looked down at them.
I smiled and poured the wine into the glass again, but Calixto pulled it out.