Athena
Sebastian's relentless pursuit of alternative options continued, with each phone call to a different doctor, his hope diminishing and frustration mounting. The hours ticked by, and I could no longer contain my growing impatience.
"Sebastian, we were supposed to talk," I finally spoke up, my voice carrying a tinge of exasperation. "And from the past hour, all you are doing is dialling different numbers on that phone of yours and talking to different doctors. One after another." I had been observing his frantic attempts to find a solution, but it was clear that his efforts were leading nowhere.
"Because that's the only way we can find a solution to this problem," He spoke, stealing a brief glance in my direction before resuming his pacing.
I watched as he dialled yet another number, desperate for a different outcome. The cycle of disappointment seemed unending, as one after another, the doctors he contacted declined to take on our complex case. And what worsened Sebastian's patience was that most of them suggested the same doctor he'd rejected to seek help from, just an hour ago— Tristan Perez.
"For how long do you plan to act like this before we can finally start to act as we should?"
"Till I find someone willing to help us instead of suggesting fucking sick dead-end methods," His voice got louder, "I refuse to accept that Tristan is our only option."
"Will you please calm down?" I sighed, growing weary of the prolonged wait. My fatigue was starting to take its toll, with a dull ache settling into my back from remaining rooted in one spot for the past sixty minutes, observing Sebastian's frenzied actions.
"I am calm," he retorted, his movements coming to a halt as he locked eyes with me. Determination and protectiveness radiated from his gaze, a testament to his unwavering resolve. "I know what I'm doing, and you need to trust that I won't put either of you at risk. I want more than just the baby; I want you both. I want us to be together, always and forever."
"Perhaps, if we stay a little careful, me and our child both can make it. You don't know until you see."
"And what if I end up losing one of you? What are your advice and words of assurance gonna mean at that time? Will you be able to come back to me and wipe my tears away?" His words were harsh, and the truth harsher— What he said only expressed the bare minimum of how he felt. It was clear that he was grappling with his own fears and uncertainties, burdened by the immense weight of responsibility that lay upon his shoulders, but that was just what was on the surface.
"Maybe... not. But at least, you'd have our child with you. They'll serve as a reminder of me," A gentle smile graced my lips. "Is that not enough?"
"No, that's not enough! What are you even saying?" His composure shattered, "How can you expect me to accept such absurd solutions? Live without you? I've only just got you back, for God's sake!"
"Listen, Sebastian, this is the only way left....we have to save our child," I pleaded, hoping he'd understand.
"Who says this is the only way? There are countless medical experts out there! Surely, one of them can help us."
"But we don't have that much time left on our hands. We can't afford to waste precious moments searching for a miracle that may not come in time."
"I will find something, okay?! I will find a solution."
"Tristan's the only one who can help us, Sebastian. Just accept the truth already and let's not waste our time." I countered, my gaze locking with his.
"I can't believe you. Forget everything I've said. Have you ever thought about how our child's life will be without you?" Sebastian's voice was a mix of seriousness and frustration, his words laced with concern. "It's going to be hell."
"They'll still have you by their side. It won't be as terrible as you imagine," I tried to reassure him.
"No, it will be. I grew up with only one parent, my mother, who tried her best to give me the world until her last breath. But it was never enough. I longed for the presence of my father, the one who missed my birthdays, never played with me, and came home drunk at night, causing harm to my mother. Even if he had been less of a monster, it wouldn't have made it any better. It was his absence that hurt the most— It damages us," he recounted, "Love alone or a mere protective presence is never enough."
"You grew up with one parent and I grew up without either," I said, softly, "So I know that at least having one by your side is better than having none. In this way, we'd be able to give our child a life at least."
"So what do you want? Do you want our kid to be damaged like us? Fucked up to be burdened with their own traumas, carrying them until the end?"
"Sebastian, You'll be more than enough for our child, Sebastian. I believe you will."
"You know what, Athena? I'm done with this shit. Go ahead and do whatever you want since my opinion and beliefs clearly mean nothing to you. You don't give a damn about trusting me," he spat, "You want to throw your life away? Fine. Don't bother considering me or what will happen to us without you. Do as you please, madam. Who am I to stop you? Just a worthless mate."
"Sebastian, please...."
Without looking back, he stormed out of the room.
****
I looked at the clock, realising it was close to midnight. Sebastian was nowhere near coming back to the room. I understood how difficult it was for him to accept reality, but I couldn't let him escape from a situation like this. Running away wouldn't help us, and we would only lose precious time to save our baby
It was a tough decision for me as well.
I didn't have a death wish, but what other choice did I have? I had to make a decision, and it was a challenging one, but it was necessary.
As a mother, it was my duty to protect the little life growing inside me. But as a mate, I also had to consider the dreams and aspirations of the one who envisioned a future with me.
Tears gathered in my eyes, I breathed out a sigh, trying hard to keep it all in. I needed to stay strong.
Giving up right now means giving up everything.
I removed the duvet off my body and quietly walked out of the room, making my way towards the library. I knew that's where I would find him in times of his distress. And just as I had anticipated, there he was. Sebastian sat on the ground, his back against one of the shelves. The weight of despair was evident on his face—he looked utterly exhausted.
His broken phone lay a few metres away from him, shattered into pieces. It was a clear sign that none of the numbers he had dialled had provided any help. I noticed a few books scattered in front of him, the same books that held his mother's handwritten notes. He stared blankly at them, seemingly not reading a single word as if he had already memorised every syllable.
How could he not? These letters were a companion for him ever since his mother died.
Sighing, I made my way over to him, careful not to startle him.
He seemed lost in his own thoughts, completely unaware of my presence until I sat down across from him. Gently pushing a few of the books aside, to make a place for myself to sit down. From this vantage point, I could observe every emotion that played across his face.
"So, it hasn't even been two days since I returned, and you're already planning to leave me all alone again?" I asked, my voice filled with a mix of playfulness and concern. I hugged my knees and rested my chin on them as I gazed at him, studying his beautiful face.
He remained silent, but tears glistened in his eyes, revealing the battle he was fighting within. He didn't want to let his emotions spill over, preferring to keep the weight locked within his chest, allowing it to find a permanent place to reside.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I gently reached my hand and caressed his cheek.
He clasped my hand, his grip firm yet trembling. "I'm a failure, aren't I?"
I was taken aback by his sudden declaration.
"No, you're not," I responded without any hesitation. "What on earth are you talking about?"
"I failed to protect you and our child once, and now I'm failing all over again," he admitted with a bitter chuckle. "How can I not see myself as a failure?"
"Sebastian, you need to stop blaming yourself for everything," I sighed. Moving closer to him, I positioned myself on my knees, creating a space between his legs. "You have to understand that the past is in the past, and we can't change what has already happened. I wish I could erase all your guilt and regret, sealing it away forever and leaving no room for it to resurface. But I can't. I, too, am broken and fragile, just like you. We need to be each other's support, rather than shouldering all the blame ourselves."
"Athena, I'm a failure, a worthless and weak being. I can't be anyone's support," he lamented, his self-deprecation echoing through his words. "I'm so weak, so pathetically weak that I can't find a solution to this situation. You're faced with the choice to risk your life for our child, and I'm left with the choice to watch and wait for either of you to die. How can you not see how pathetic that is?"
Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to his self-condemnation. I refused to accept his harsh judgement of himself. Cupping his face gently, I locked my gaze with him, my voice filled with unwavering determination. "Sebastian, you have tried your best. You are not a failure," I emphasised each word, hoping to break through the walls of despair surrounding him. "The one who tries can never be a failure. You have saved my life countless times. Whenever there was danger, you were there for me. You protected me, you—"
"I protected you from the world. But I....failed to protect you from myself." He looked away.
The pain in his voice made my heart ache. It was hard to stay strong while watching him crumble into pieces under the weight of his regrets.
"Cut the crap, Sebastian. We are not going to dig into the past again," I forced him to look at me, "I love you. I am willing to stand by your side through the storms, against the odds, against the reasons, against possible and impossible, against judgements again and against time. We have to fight this last battle and then, we are free. We no longer would need to go through storms. You, I and our baby— We'll be the world to each other. Just stand by me, this time. I promise, we'll make it through. We are a team, Sebastian. And together, we can conquer anything."
"I can't risk your life. I won't be able to live without you," Tears rolled down his eyes, "I have seen enough death and committed enough crimes, I want to wash those stains off of my hands and I can't just...have your blood on them."
"It's our baby, Sebastian. It's our little one, it breathes with me. I know the truth, I can feel our baby's presence every second," I pressed my forehead against his, "No matter what Tristan says, I know our baby can never hurt me. No matter what happens, we can make it through, trust me, we'll make it through. We'll overcome this storm together and we'll win."
"And what if we don't?"
"Then, once my funeral's over. All you need to do is get well dressed like a charming prince and stand in front of my grave in all glory. You should hold out your hand and call my name. Reading out a beautiful love letter would do wonders as well," I began with a whisper, "And once you do all these steps, be sure, my ghost will take your hand and run away with you." I giggled through tears.
"That's not funny," He deadpanned, looking at me seriously, however, his red eyes didn't make him anywhere near threatening.
"I know. But, what am I supposed to do when you are asking silly questions?" I traced small circles on his jaw with my fingers.
"Athena..."
"Enough, big baby. It's very late at night and I need to sleep to make sure the small baby's comfortable there. So, I kindly request your presence beside me. However, should you refuse and choose to stay a crybaby I must inform you that I possess the capability to employ a certain level of force to facilitate your compliance. You'd end up with a red ear because I am going to use that as a handle as I drag your ass out of here." I said, "We'll make it through, I promise. It's up to you if you want to walk through this with a smile or swollen red eyes."
A smile finally stretched on his lips, it was small but it was a smile nonetheless, "Okay. Let's go."