Anwen
Someone screams. I think it might be me.
I slide across the glass-covered floor to Estrella's side and wrap my arms around her. My heart hammers.
"No, no, no," I mumble. "You can't-not after-please." My voice breaks on the last word.
Her body is still warm. That has to mean something. It fucking has to. Agony rumbles through me, just a promise of what's to come if-
There are other people in this castle. Healers. Apothecaries. I need someone-anyone with a fucking power or a wish or a prayer of helping. I struggle to my feet with Estrella in my arms.
Her head lolls back, and it damn near kills me. My feet skid across glass and blood as I begin running out of the room as fast as I can under her weight and the staggering pain.
Father's voice echoes in the back of my mind. Ask for help and admit your weak points.
Goddess above, why did I want his respect so badly? Why did that make any sense to me? My mate is bleeding out in my arms. Weakness, future attacks-none of that fucking matters unless I can face it with her.
'Help! 'I scream through mind-link to anyone within range. 'Luna Estrella was attacked. We need help, and we need it fucking now.'
'Where are you?' Jase demands.
'East tower, third floor,' I bark to everybody in range. 'Running down.'
Let them all know. If Floyd has another fucking assassin, if he managed to turn anybody from Dun's Crossing, let them come. I'd like to see any wolf under the fucking moon take me on right now.
Holy shit, Candace says over mind-link. 'What-I'm so sorry, I'm just downstairs. I thought she would be fine.'
I fix Estrella's head so it's not bouncing as we run. Faint cosmetics kiss her features-her lashes are darker, her mouth redder. Her hair is an artwork of braids, now frizzy. I didn't even think to look at the fucking dress. My bride. My stomach lurches. At least she's not frowning anymore. Her perpetually furrowed brow is smooth for once. Her pain still ripples through me, but maybe she's not feeling it.
Small fucking miracles.
'What happened? Baz asks. I'm on my way, just fucking slow.'
'Floyd,' I snarl. 'Wolfsbane.'
That, too, goes to everyone. I need healers, not killers. I already did all the killing we need. Estrella takes small, weak breaths. My skin goes cold when she inhales, burns when too long passes between one and the next.
'I can help,' Raven says. 'Trust me and come to the greenhouse. But it'll only work if you move fast.'
My heart skips a beat. Three beats. Twelve. Trust Raven.
Estrella makes a small noise, and I can't remember why that was even a fucking decision. I wheel for Mother's-Raven's-greenhouse.
The castle spreads out before me like a map in my mind. Every hidden passage, every shortcut ever drilled into these walls. I can do this. One last trip through the castle I've learned so well.
'Okay.'
I plunge through tapestries, slam hidden buttons, shoulder open secret doors. Estrella's blood leaks over my fingers. My own smears on the floor as I run. Staff and delegates alike scatter out of our way on the rare occasions we actually use main hallways. Through the mind-link, I hear the running updates of our location-north tower, second floor, main castle, private wing. Clanking, armored footsteps chase us, but I'm not going to slow down for fucking anything. I will not let hesitation take my future from me.
We burst into the greenhouse. Raven and Kieran both look up from a bench along one wall. Something puffs smoke behind them.
Wordlessly, Kieran sweeps potted plants onto the floor to clear another table for Estrella's body. Raven doesn't complain as they shatter. I run the last few steps and lay Estrella on the filthy table.
Her face is nearly covered with the veins now. I twist away and throw up on the floor as pain and fear wrack me.
Kieran drapes his royal robe around my bare body. I ignore it and turn to Raven.
"What do you have?"
"A cure." She lifts a bubbling vial of burgundy liquid off a small flame with a pair of tongs. "I hope."
"You hope?" Anger tinges my voice. I could've gone somewhere else. If this is her last fucking revenge for the way I treated her, I'll-
"I've only tested it on plants so far." She nudges me out of the way, completely unafraid.
Like she should be. Fuck. If Estrella is already gone somehow, already looking down on me, and she sees me abandoning all the progress I've made the second she's not watching, she's going to find a way to become a ghost just to kick my ass.
I start pacing. Raven takes a dropper of the liquid, winces slightly, and leans over Estrella. My heart damn near pounds out of my chest as I lose line of sight. I don't want to ask if I got here in time. I can't.
"Floyd's dead upstairs," I spit. "And he called the Snowcrest guard, so they're going to find him first."
Kieran nods. "Don't worry about that right now."
More smoke, or steam, or something gasps up from behind Raven's body. Estrella moans softly.
My laugh scrapes out of my throat. "Done. What about Nessa? She was in on the whole fucking thing, and she's missing."
"I'll have people look for her." He shakes his head grimly. "And I suspect King Andri will be more than willing to help."
My eyes burn. Everything burns.
"Her family is in the woods," Kieran says. "For some final ritual. I've already sent people to get them."
"We played right into his fucking hands," I mutter. "No one was with her when I found her. Where did they all fucking go?"
He shrugs. I force myself to take a deep breath instead of screaming at him. That can't be the first thing Estrella wakes up to. But, fuck, I wish the pacing was helping. I wish I could shift without destroying everything in here-and if this works, I can't do that to Raven.
Maybe I can't do it regardless.
"For the last bit, she was supposed to be with just her moon maids," Raven says carefully. "Candace, Tess-and Nessa."
Candace's apology snaps into focus. She let this fucking happen.
Estrella moans again. Raven hisses. I clench every muscle in my body to keep from shifting.
"Tess is in the woods too?" I manage. A stupid, shitty distraction.
Kieran frowns. "I don't know."
My stomach swoops. "I can't let her find out her best friend is dead. I have to-"
Kieran grabs my shoulders, halts my pacing. "You have to stay here and shut up for a fucking second. She can't wake up without you, right?"
Something in my chest splinters. She can't. She might not be able to wake up with me out of my fucking mind either. Hope was the thing that strengthened her upstairs. Hope, and believing I was going to win.
Goddess above, how do I believe that now?
I sit on the ground between mounds of dirt and pieces of broken pots. No more pacing. No more shifting away. Hurt, fear, and rage crash over me. Kieran sits next to me.
"She's not going to die." The words echo hollowly off the glass walls.
"I agree." Kieran smiles comfortingly. "My wife can do anything she puts her mind to."
Raven's answering laugh is strained.
It's impossible that Kieran and Raven got together. Even more impossible that they're happy. But here they are. Because the Goddess said so.
For the first time in a long time, I pray.
I've never been much for religion. We don't have magic here, and the Goddess never really seemed like someone who gave too much of a shit. All the people who claimed to "hear" Her were quacks or fuck-ups like Wordsworth. And then Estrella. She believes wholeheartedly. She almost makes it make sense. The Goddess isn't an almighty bastard in the sky I can blame when shit goes wrong. She's like... well, like what I've heard a parent's supposed to be like. She lets us make our own mistakes, but She guides us. She wants us to be happy.
I don't know all the words to make this reach you, I think. But I know I need her to be happy. There isn't a me without her. Not anymore. So just... please.
Silence follows. But for Estrella's sake, in Estrella's name, I put everything I am into believing I reached Her. Believing She gives a fuck. Believing this isn't all there is for us.
Believing Estrella's going to wake up any second now, look at me, and ask why I'm crying.
Because, if all that's not true, I'm going to tear Snowcrest Canyon apart, brick by fucking brick, and I'd like to see the Goddess Herself try to stop me.