Did he really mean that? Did he mean for us to go beyond this date? Did that mean he has feelings for me? The way that I knew I had feelings for him?
Our thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the dessert, and I was glad for a little distraction. The heavy thoughts in my head were breaking my heart and giving me a headache.
“Where’s your family?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“My mother is in England. Along with my stepsister, who’s the same age as you, and my stepbrother, who’s a year younger than me.”
“You get along well?”
He nodded instantly. “They’ve been my family for years now. Didn’t feel like we were not related by blood at all. Even though I was devastated that my parents divorced, I was happy I gained siblings. My sister wanted to be a fashion designer, and my brother plays in a band. They’re both very passionate artists. And I do whatever I can to support them.”
I smiled at him sadly. “I wonder what my life would have been like if I had siblings. The closest I got to a big brother is Brett.”
“Is Brett the one who got you into playing drums?”
I nodded. “He was the one who took formal lessons. I stood there and watched.”
Nick grinned at me. “Well, it means you got a gift. That’s real talent. When you play the drums, you look like you’re completely in your own element. Just like when you’re in the kitchen. You’re a wonderful drummer and a brilliant chef.” When I looked up at Nick, he looked thoughtful and admiration was evident on his face. I looked at my dessert. Suddenly, I felt shy and self-conscious. I was not used to receiving compliments. Especially not from guys. “Have you played a song impromptu?” he asked.
I nodded. “Plenty of times. Sometimes, Bailey would think of a song and I’d listen to it. Sometimes, we get on-the-spot requests from guests. If I had heard it before, I’d remember the beat and just go with the flow. It didn’t have to be exactly the same as the recording. But ninety-nine percent of the time, it sounds like a great cover.”
“I heard you first before I even saw you,” he said. “I never imagined I was listening to a girl playing drums. You played like one of those drummers on heavy metal bands. I instantly became one of your fans. And I’m usually hard to impress. So if I said you were great on the drums and in the kitchen, believe me, it means you’re really good.”
I smiled at him. “And I’m usually not flattered by compliments, so if I said ‘thanks,’ believe me, I mean it.”
He grinned at me. We stared at each other for a while. I allowed myself to study Nick’s handsome face, his masculine, aristocratic planes, the slight cleft on his chin, the dimples on his cheek, and the twinkle in his mesmerizing eyes.
But Nick was more than just a handsome face to me now. He was my friend, my protector, my ally. I trusted him with my life, and I knew that he’d always be that person who would want happiness and security for me. He was my hero. He was my Superman.
Nick held out his hand to me. I raised a curious brow at him.
“Dance with me,” he said.
“What? I don’t know how to dance.”
He laughed. “I do.” He stood up to his feet and held his hand out to me again.
“Nick, I’m going to make a fool of myself,” I insisted.
He took my hand in his and pulled me up to my feet. He caught me and wound an arm around my waist. Then he shook his head and said, “We’re the only ones here. And no. You could never make a fool of yourself in front of me.”
I smiled up at him and allowed him to lead me in swaying to the music. After a few seconds, I relaxed in his arms. The violinist was playing a familiar tune: Counting Crows’ “Colorblind.” I loved that song and, in a way, it spoke to me.
I heard my heart pounding in my chest and felt my pulse racing. Nick pulled me closer to him and I rested my head against his shoulder.
Maybe things were moving a little too fast for us. But maybe my heart had known for a long time now what it wanted, but my stupid brain just refused to see it. Maybe things started way too slow for Nick and me in the beginning and now that I finally found the courage to face the truth, my head was trying its best to catch up to my heart.
I was still scared that maybe it was not wise to loosen the chains I had used to guard my emotions for a very long time. My logical brain was sending off the alarms inside my head. I knew that going with what I feel is right and against what I thought was right all these years could make me heartbroken one day. But I also knew now that I had never felt this right before.
No person had ever made me feel weak and strong at the same time. No person had ever made me feel vulnerable but safe and protected. And that was how I knew it was worth taking the risk. Nicholas was worth raising the stakes high for and gambling with everything I have left to offer. Win or lose, it would be far better than being safe and forever wondering what could be and what could have been.
I closed my eyes and drowned in the comfort of Nick’s arms. He rested his cheek against my head and I could feel his breathing blowing on my hair lightly, drowning in my scent, losing himself in the warmth of our embrace.
As my heartbeat steadied, I sang the lyrics of the song in my head, “I am ready… I am ready… I am fine.”
***
Nick and I rode in the car in silence after dinner. We were both lost in our own thoughts. As I looked out the side of the road and the trees that passed by, I felt this balloon inside my chest that was threatening to pop. I had a smile on my face that I couldn’t seem to hide. Even though I wasn’t looking at Nick, I could feel his strong presence beside me. It felt as if the air in the gap between us was charged. It felt electrocuting even when we weren’t touching.
It was different, too. I did not feel awkward or uncomfortable at all. I knew the man beside me and in his presence, I knew I could be weak, and he would be strong for me. I knew that it was okay to fall down because he would be there to catch me. I didn’t have to worry that I didn’t have family or friends because sometimes, one good friend is all you need. And Nick was exactly that and more.
I felt his hand cover mine and gave it a squeeze. I stared at him.
“You okay?” he asked gently.
I smiled. “Yes. You?”
He grinned widely. “Great!”
He turned over my palm and then he intertwined our fingers. I looked away from him, trying to conceal the wide smile that was about to tear my face apart. I just couldn’t help it. Nick makes me feel calm one second and then throws my emotions into complete haywire the next.
I noticed that he went past the road that led to his house.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You think the date is over yet?” he asked back. “There’s still somewhere I want to take you.”