“I’m sorry,” he whispered. There was a trace of desperation and plea in his voice.
I took a deep breath but didn’t say anything.
“I’m not supposed to say this, because a gentleman is not supposed to say anything to make any girl look bad. But if it will save what we have then to hell with being a gentleman.”
I turned around to face him, raising a brow, urging him to go on.
He took a deep breath. “When I first saw Jen at the bar that night, after I watched your gig, I asked her if she knew you. She said you were good friends. I asked her if she could introduce us. She asked why. I told her that I thought you were cute.”
What the hell?
Nick took another deep breath. “She then asked me if I wanted to hang out with the two of you the next night. She’d introduce us. I took her up for it and showed up at the bar the following night. From the beginning, I thought I made it clear to her that I was interested in you. But she didn’t pick up quickly. When she was calling me, I would always ask about you. She chose to ignore the signals.
“And then she would tell me about your wild experiences with men, and how you tried being with guys before, but you find that you weren’t genuinely attracted to any one of them. That there must be something wrong with you. She told me nothing would change your mind. You were more masculine inside than outside. She was telling me that the men you’ve been with had plenty of experiences pleasuring a woman. But you even threw up once while in bed with a man.”
Shit!
Where in the world did Jen get that information? That I actually vomited in bed while having sex with a guy?
“She… she said that?”
Nick shrugged. He held two hands in front of him. “Not crossing my fingers, this time. Her words, not mine. But that didn’t stop me from hoping that maybe it would be different with me. Maybe you were looking for an emotional connection. And that’s what the people you’ve been with tend to overlook about you. For you, it will never be just sex or pleasure. Trust, comfort, and desire have to come hand in hand.”
Well, Nick got that right about me. Except that he was able to decipher my personality with the help of the lies he got from Jen.
“Jen said I threw up while having sex with men? Didn’t that send you running off the other way?”
He shrugged. “Maybe I didn’t care. I didn’t want to change you. I just want you to like me, trust me, connect with me emotionally. Because when I looked at you, I couldn’t look anywhere else.”
“Even though I wasn’t curvy and tall?”
Nick’s eyes brightened at the joke. He realized that I was okay. He would be forgiven. He smiled and shook his head. Then slowly, he put his hands on my waist and pulled me to him.
“I told you it was a lie to mislead you. I didn’t like curvy and tall girls. I discovered I have a soft spot for kick-ass chicks with sharp wits and an even more dangerous mouth. It’s just a plus that she happened to be drop-dead gorgeous, with a knack for cooking delicious meals.”
“Even though her ex-best friend made it appear as if she was sexually adventurous.”
Nick shrugged. “I don’t care,” he said. “I would wait until she’s ready. When I saw her, I told myself that my next ‘adventure’ will be with her.”
This time, I laughed. “You’re seriously telling me you haven’t been laid since you met me?”
He rolled his eyes. “My water bill tripled since you came into my life. The number of cold showers I took since you came to live with me became uncountable!”
I laughed and he laughed with me. Then he looked into my eyes and asked, “So, could we forget about this and start over?”
I smiled, and nodded. Yes, I definitely wanted that.
Nick released me and took a step back. “Okay, let’s start over.” He held out his hand to me. “Hi. I’m Nicholas Atkins. Nice to meet you.”
I smiled and shook his hand. “I’m Mackenzie Belle Clarke. Nice to meet you, too.”
He squeezed my hand and asked, “Are you busy tonight? Would you like to go out on a date with me?”
I blinked back at him, completely unprepared for his question.
He was looking at me seriously, holding his breath. I thought Nick looked adorable when he wasn’t entirely confident of the outcome of the game he’s playing, as if he wasn’t used to not having the upper hand on things. And he’d always been like that with me. It seemed that where I was concerned, he’d done more wishful thinking than he ever did in his entire life. And that was saying a lot since he was a very talented gambler.
I smiled back at him. Then I stepped forward, tiptoed so I could give him a kiss on the lips. He deserved that just for the nervous expression he wore on his face.
Then I spun on my heel and turned back to the room, leaving him staring at my back, completely lost.
“Uhm, is that a yes, kitten?” he asked.
I smiled to myself before I turned to look at him. “It’s not a no. Why don’t you knock on the door after thirty minutes and let’s see for sure if it’s a yes?”
I went to the room. I left him totally frustrated and confused. Well, it was the least he deserved for ly—for withholding important information to me about Jen. But it was definitely a yes, because I knew I could never say no to Nicholas Atkins.
***
“No,” I heard Nick say on the phone. “We’ve been over this a hundred times. I’m not coming.”
I was bringing him a cup of coffee in his study. I didn’t mean to walk in on his phone call or to eavesdrop, but his voice was loud.
“I will send you a gift, anything you want. Just not that,” he was saying.
I placed the mug on his table and smiled at him. He had a somber look on his face, which softened when he saw me. It seemed that each week that passed by, Nick and I were growing closer and closer. We do not always talk about our feelings, but somehow, we have this understanding between the two of us.
He was my solid rock, my protector, and I no longer feel shy about asking him for small favors. Yeah, I made him run to the pharmacy once to get me a box of feminine pads when I finally got my period.
It seemed that I was his little sunshine that put a smile to his face no matter how busy or hard his day was.
He’s taken me out on many dates now. It was still a wonder how he managed to squeeze me in his very tight schedule. He would call me at least four times a day to check up on me, tell me how his day was. I would cook for him every day when we didn’t have plans to go out.
I was finishing up all my schoolwork. I was told I would graduate with a magna cum laude distinction. And even as early as now, firms were calling me non-stop, asking to interview me for a position in their companies. I still did not know what I would do. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be.
Nick was encouraging me to take up culinary classes immediately after graduation. He told me that it was my passion and I should go with what makes me happy.
“If you do what you love, you won’t feel like working at all,” he said to me one night we were chilling in his patio. He was sitting on one of the lounge chairs; I was sitting between his legs, with my back resting against his chest.
“Like you?”
He kissed my temple lazily. “Exactly. I still feel like I just graduated from college and still chilling.”
I laughed. “I’ll bet you made tons of money just chilling.”
I felt him shrug. “I don’t know the amount you would consider as tons of money, since you were practically the town’s princess. But I’m all right. I am debt-free, even my credit cards have no outstanding on them. I already have a house, and I don’t have mortgage on this. I think I have enough to live comfortably.”
“I’m sure you’re far more comfortable than I am since I’m still clueless about what I’ll do with my life.”
“Cook,” he said. “You’re brilliant at it.”
“I need to study first. And that will take a lot of time. I need to start working first since I need to eat, survive.”
He paused for a moment and then he said, “We’ve been living together for more than a month now and you’re surviving. Are you not comfortable with your life with me?”
I turned around to face him. “I am! In fact, too comfortable. I tend to forget that I need to work, and I don’t mean the temporary gigs I get from Rhythemes. I need a real job that will bring in real money so I could have a place of my own, survive on my own.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “What’s wrong with my house?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. It’s perfect, Nick. But I feel like I’m messing up your life. I should be the last thing you worry about.”
He took a deep breath and then he pulled me to him again and gave me a gentle squeeze. “You always worry about me worrying about you. Just remember, kitten, you are always in my mind even if I wasn’t worrying about you. And you know what? Your life could never crash into my life.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He chuckled. “Exactly what I said. You’re smart, Mackenzie Belle. Miss magna cum laude. You’ll figure that out.”
I did figure it out. Except that, I could not believe for sure that it was what he said. And I was far too shy to ask him if he really meant what I thought he meant. No way! It would be like forcing him to admit he was in love with me as much as I was in love with him. He had to be the one to say it first.
I turned on my heel to exit the study, but then I felt his hand on my arm. I turned back to face him.
He was still talking to somebody on the phone but he was staring at me. He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. Then he said to the person on the other line, “I need to go. Forget all your plans, man. I’ve never been better all my life. Everything happens for a reason. And I think I found that reason now. And if I could turn back time, I would not change a thing at all.” Then he hung up the phone.
“Everything all right?” I asked.
He stared at me for a long moment and then, as if an idea popped up in his head, he asked, “You’re not busy for the rest of the week, are you?”
I shook my head. “Not really, why?”
He took a deep breath and asked, “Come with me?”
“Where?”
“One of my university buddies is having this reunion party and he was begging me to go.”
“You didn’t sound excited about it.”
He shrugged. “Didn’t really feel like catching up with old friends.”
“Why? Because you’re a big shot architect now?”
“No.”
“Are you good friends with this guy?”
He nodded. “Very.”
“Then you should go. Even if you didn’t feel like socializing with your other friends, then go just for this guy’s sake.”
“Come with me?” he asked again.
“Why?”
He put his arms around me. “Because it’s in London and I don’t think I can survive four whole days without you.”
Before I could answer, he leaned forward and gently nuzzled my neck, tickling me with his stubble.
“Nick!” I said, struggling to push him away, but he only held on tighter. He bent down and lifted me off my feet and brought me to the sofa bed. I landed on the soft foam. My laughter died in my lips when I saw Nick’s body descend on me, and his lips covered mine in a series of deep, passionate kisses.
“Nick…” I moaned his name as I held on to him as if I was holding on for dear life. I could feel him pressed between my legs. He was strong, hard, and rigid, while I turned weak, soft, and liquid.
I was ready. I knew I was. Each time Nick and I get this close, I could feel my reservations and my fear fading, growing weaker and weaker until it was nothing compared to the burning desire I feel for this man. I trusted him with my life. And I knew I could trust him with my body.
All of a sudden, he slowed down his kisses. Then he gently pulled away from me and stared into my eyes.