“Atkins didn’t look too happy,” Brett said.
“Don’t care!” I muttered.
“Sure you don’t,” Brett said, giving me a knowing look through the rearview mirror. I rolled my eyes at him. “Now, explain yourself. You called my girlfriend a disappointment.”
My face immediately turned redder than it already was. “No, no! It wasn’t you. I was lost in my thoughts. I was disappointed with the turn of events. That was what I was thinking about.”
“Nicholas Atkins flirting with that blonde,” Brett said.
“No! Of course not!” I said. I sounded a little too defensive.
Terry turned to stare at me as if she was seeing me for the first time. “Ken Clarke, what is going on?”
“Nothing. I just gave Nicholas Atkins a chance to get laid.”
“He didn’t look as though he wanted to get laid. He looked as if the girl of his dreams just walked away from his life,” Terry said.
I raised a brow at her. “You a romance writer or something?” I asked sarcastically.
To my surprise, she giggled. “Actually I am. I have two published novels and they’re doing quite well, thank you.”
I looked back at her in surprise. And here I thought this girl had a brain the size of a peanut. I was probably the worst judge of personality I have ever known. And to think I was acing college taking up Psychology. It seemed that the only people I was fooling were my professors.
“Where are we heading?” I asked Brett.
“Home. Folks are out of town for one of those little honeymoons,” he replied.
Yes, his parents go on what they call their annual honeymoon at least once a year. I’ve never seen two people so committed to making a marriage work. Or maybe they’re just so in love with each other.
“So Terry’s having a little sleepover?” I asked. Terry smiled at me shyly. “Oh my God, I’m interrupting your little honeymoon!”
“It’s okay. I told Brett I’d like to get to know you better. I never got the chance to thank you for, you know, protecting me from Jennifer and her mother.”
I sighed at the old memories. They happened a little over a month ago perhaps, but that memory seemed like ages ago. It seemed to me that it happened in an entirely different era. And I couldn’t imagine myself being there anymore. I couldn’t imagine myself being with Jen now.
“You’re welcome. How’s your ex?”
Brett gave me a murderous look from the rearview mirror. I smiled at him innocently.
“It’s okay, babe,” Terry said, reaching out for Brett’s hand. Then she turned to me. “He begged me to take him back. I promised myself I’d had enough. And when he was gone, better things started happening.” I saw her squeeze Brett’s hand.
I sighed. “I guess it’s true what they say. Some people are like clouds. When they’re gone, it’s a better, clearer, sunnier day.”
Terry laughed at that. “Is that how you feel about Jen Gracie?”
I looked out the window. Was it better for me that Jen’s no longer around to make me bend to her will? For a change, I didn’t have to take care of her. Instead, somebody else was taking care of me. Do I like it better this way?
“From now on, you better get used to the fact that there’s another person who’s worrying about you and will go to hell and back to protect you and take care of you.”
Nick looked really serious when he said that and he waited for me to finish our show. And yet, here I was, sitting in Brett’s car, leaving him behind. What was going on with me? He didn’t do anything wrong, but why did I feel so angry when I saw him flirting with that girl?
We are housemates. At most, we’re friends. You do not get mad at your friends if they flirt with other people. In fact, you should be supporting your friends’ sexual well-being. Whenever there is a possibility for them to get laid, you should be all for it, right? Sex is important to men! And not having sex may lead to several adverse effects such as erectile dysfunction, hypertension and getting mad at the silliest, shallowest things.
Well, me being over at Brett’s meant that Nick was free to bring that slut home. But I knew that I wasn’t in Brett’s car because of that. I was here because I was mad at Nick and I didn’t want to see his face for the rest of the evening. I was mad at him for flirting with another girl! I’ve been mad at him for the last few days because of his high standards of women. He would never be attracted to the girl who actually sleeps in his bed, no matter how cute she was.
My thoughts were interrupted when Brett stopped in front of his house. I hopped out of the car and went inside the house without another word. My thoughts were in chaos, my emotions going haywire. I was angry, sad, and guilty all at the same time.
It wasn’t Nick’s fault that he was too damn handsome that girls would just fall all over him. It wasn’t his fault that I was angry about it. I cannot stop him from sleeping with other girls just because we live together, because that’s all we are—housemates.
I showered and changed into Brett’s old pajamas and shirt, which he kept in the guestroom for me to use whenever I would sleep over. Then I went down to their living room and poured myself a strong whiskey, hoping that if I got a little bit drunk, it would be easier for me to fall asleep.
“Why are you drinking alone?” I heard Brett ask behind me.
“I didn’t want to disturb you, and I felt like getting wasted.”
He sat on the chair opposite me, and Terry sat next to him. They poured themselves a glass of whiskey each.
“Since when did you get wasted?” Brett asked.
“There are some things you didn’t know about me.”
“You’re right,” Brett said casually. “I always thought I had you figured out. I thought you’ll never be interested in guys.”
I was shocked at what Brett said. I almost choked on my drink. Terry couldn’t help hitting Brett on top of his head as she stared at him crossly.
“What the heck?” Brett complained. “What did I say?”
“You should be more sensitive when you talk to girls, you idiot,” Terry said.
“She’s not really a girl,” Brett argued.
“She is, too.”
“Not.”
“Is.”
“Seriously, guys, you’re going to argue about my identity in front of me?” I asked them crossly.
They both fell quiet. Terry looked ashamed of what she and Brett had just done.
I drank my whiskey straight up and poured myself another glass. Brett and Terry still couldn’t look at me. They, too, were drinking their whiskey quietly.
Brett took a deep breath. “What’s the deal between you and Atkins?”
“What’s Nick got to do with this?”
He shrugged. “You guys are totally weird. I mean, you live together and all, as if you’re longtime buddies. And then, he comes to Rhythemes like some sort of bodyguard or watchdog, looking after you, as if it was his personal mission to make sure no other guy comes near you. And then you see him flirting with another girl and you go mad with jealousy, which is so unlike you.”
I raised a brow at him. “Jealousy?” I echoed angrily. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious. I haven’t seen you act so impulsively and unpredictably before. All because Nicholas Atkins was doing what he does best—charming women. I warned you about him. I told you not to let him dwell too much in your thoughts. That guy is a heartbreaker.”
“I’m not into him,” I said in a squeaky voice, even I didn’t find that convincing.
Terry was looking at me apologetically, as though she wanted to believe me but I was doing a sloppy job at convincing her.
“I’m just thankful for him. He was generous enough to offer his place to me when I ran away from home. That’s all.”
“And this evening, he barged into our dressing room demanding to see you, looking as if he’d been searching for you for twenty-four hours and he was about to file a missing person report because?”
I shrugged. “He thinks he’s responsible for me. But that’s it.” There was a trace of sadness in my voice when I said that. “That’s it.” I took a deep breath. “Nick sees me as a little brother that he needs to take care of all the time.”
“Little brother?” Terry’s eyes widened and she looked genuinely appalled by the phrase. “Excuse me?”
“Come on, Terry. Look at me! And remember that girl that Nick was flirting with! She looked like a cheerleader every boy in class was masturbating to while I looked like the skinny weirdo that everybody stayed away from. Back when I still lived with my father, at least I dressed quite neatly. I dressed like a boy, yes. But at least I looked sleek—in fashion. Now, I can’t even afford to buy decent clothes, which I have to wash as soon as I take them off so I can wear them again.”
“Why are you doing that again?” Brett asked in an irritated tone.
“Because I’m saving as much as I can,” I replied. “I only have five sets of clothing in my name at the moment and I can’t afford to buy the expensive ones.”
“You have money, Ken!” Brett said, getting more irritated.
“I don’t want to squander Isabella’s money on clothes. It was her life’s worth. And she was definitely worth a lot more than a sleek ensemble.”
“I still have your father’s money,” Brett reminded me.
I shook my head. I felt anger slowly seeping through me at the mention of my father. “Never going to take anything from that man.”
“Why? He’s your father! It’s his job to make sure you’re dressed properly, you eat well, and you have a roof over your head.”
If you only knew, Brett!
“He’s as good as dead to me! Please, don’t ever bring him up in any of our conversations again if you don’t want me to walk out on you. And I will do it! I will walk out on every conversation we’ll have if you mention that horrible person’s name ever again!”
Tears were rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by strong emotions. I was seething with anger. I remembered that night my father sent a beast to break my spirit, to tear my soul apart. From that moment on, he’s freed himself of me. I was no longer his responsibility. I do not know him, and I no longer have to stay in his house or live in his goodwill.
It took me a moment to realize that Terry had come to my side to put a comforting arm around my shoulders. Brett had stood up from his seat, looking at me with a shocked expression on his face. It was as if he was frozen in his place, unable to believe what he was seeing.
He was right to be shocked. He’d never seen me so emotional before. I have always been in control of my feelings.
But right now, I just couldn’t help it. The damage that my father left me, along with my complicated feelings for Nicholas, was getting the best of me.
Wait a minute! Hold back there one second!
I have complicated feelings for Nick?
Shit!
I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds. I tried to forget the anger I felt at the mention of my father, and I tried to decipher the other set of unwelcome emotions I was feeling.
If I had complicated feelings for Nick, that would mean I like him. And he’s a guy, damn it!
Am I ready to lay all my cards on the table and finally give up my lifelong belief that no guy can ever be trusted with my heart?
Am I really falling for him?