Warning: This contains self-harm. Read at your own risk.
Nalya
The ache in my chest grew, and my wolf was silent. I couldn't feel her anymore after she said she needed some time to accept the rejection like he wanted. I cried when I remembered my mate rejected me. I tried to sleep off the pain in my heart, but it was still there. I got a razor blade and cut my inner thighs. It was a habit of mine growing up. Self-injury helped me cope with emotional pain and sadness. It brought me a sense of calm and relief. I made the same pattern I always did, going deeper and deeper into my skin this time. I sighed in relief as I continued my action. I closed my eyes, feeling better now. I threw the razor blade away and looked at my inner thighs. They were bleeding. As always, guilt washed over me, and I cried again, feeling helpless.
In the evening, I got up as I was supposed to clean the kitchens, but Madam Royce stopped me and offered me a hot meal.
I was back in my room, sitting by the window when the door opened, and Azura walked into the room. She took one look at me and rushed to my side.
"Why are you crying?" she asked worriedly. I looked away from her.
"I'm not,"
"You are. Your eyes are puffy and red," she insisted.
"I was just missing home," I lied, and she frowned, embracing me. I didn't miss home. I didn't have one. It was taken from me when my mother abandoned me. At some point, I stopped crying or asking when she'd be back, and slowly, her face disappeared. I can't remember what she looked like.
My night was restless and short. I was turning and tossing.
'Shift,' my wolf said.
'What? It's not even the full moon,'
'Shift,' she whimpered. My body was hot, and I took off the cardigan I had on and rushed out into the garden. The moon was full and bright. I ran into the silent forest.
'What happens now,'
'Just freely give me control, and I'll handle everything else,'
I braced myself and let go. Crack. I whimpered and fell on my knees.
'Breathe, and just focus on something else,' she said.
I did that, and my mind took me to the prince and how we made love. I felt the pain of my first shift, but the thoughts of him kept it under control.
I couldn't ignore the pain any longer. I screamed one time and shifted into my wolf.
'You strong human,' she said. I was proud of myself because most rogues are not strong enough to shift within an hour, it took days.
I ran through the forest, and it was exhilarating. The wind was in my fur, and I felt like I was flying. I reached a pond, and under the full moon, I saw my fur. It was golden like my hair, and I kept my green eyes. I howled, or she did, I don't know! I was in the forest for too long. I was getting so tired.
'I think we should rest for a while now,' I lay under a tree and closed my eyes. When I woke up, huge wolves surrounded me.
They were growling and taunting me. My wolf was growling, telling them to stay back. I was impressed and shocked at how brave she was. The wolves' ears suddenly fell, and they let out sounds I couldn't interpret before they left in a hurry. Still confused, I turned around when a dominating power surrounded me. I jumped back at the wolf I saw. He was scary and fierce. I thought he would attack me, but I was wrong.
'Rhaegar,' my wolf whimpered.
'Does he recognize us?' I asked. She didn't answer me, I backed away as the scary wolf approached, and he sniffed me. He shifted back swiftly and wore shorts.
My breath caught in my chest as I lifted my head to look at him. The new dawn was partly covering his face and made him look more godly than ever. His hand stretched and ran through my fur. Sparks traveled through my skin.
"Your fur is as beautiful as your hair, and your eyes are a shiny green," he said.
"I was worried about you," He didn't care that I couldn't respond. Rhaegar is next to me.
"You can't just leave in the middle of the night,"
I wanted to tell him my wolf urged me to come but couldn't, and I didn't want to shift.
"Can you shift so that we talk?" he asked. I stood on my paws immediately and ran from there as fast as they could take me. I thought I lost him, but he was in front of me.
"Nalya, enough," I ran in a different direction.
'We lost him,' my wolf said.
'Maybe we should just accept the rejection as he wants,' I said, and she whimpered.
'No, I'll do it when I'm ready. I promise,'
I stumbled and almost fell but studied myself, I looked in front of me, and there was a cliff. My heart was beating out of my chest. I could have fallen over. My body stiffened, and I knew he was behind me.
"Okay, Nalya, I need you to take two steps back," he spoke so carefully as though he thought... Wait, did he think I would throw myself down there?
Rhaegar looked afraid and nodded gently to me as he backed away.
"Come to me. I won't force you to shift. I promise,"
I looked at him and nodded my head, walking towards him. He held me once I was in arms reach.
"Let's go, and you're not allowed in this area again, am I clear," he said harshly, making me whimper.
We walked back to the backyard of the pack house, and a man ran to us with a shirt in hand.
"Shift," Rhaegar demanded. I did that, and he looked away immediately, holding out the shirt. I took it and put it on.
"What you did was reckless!" he growled, " You could have rolled over the cliff, all because of what? Me?!"
He held my shoulders painfully, and his eyes darkened.
"I rejected you because you're not the mate I want. You're a rogue and not good enough for me," His words hurt s badly.