Chloe
It has been a few days since Blake and I returned from the cabin. I start working for him next week. I have been feeling great recently, but not today. I woke up exhausted and sad. I am having a down day; my depression has decided to come out and say hello. I should have known it was due because I am not allowed to be happy; something always ruins it, whether it is my mental health or someone else.
I hate when I feel like this. It makes me want to drink or stay in bed, hiding under the covers all day and blocking the rest of the world out. Unfortunately, today is one of those days I can’t get out of bed unless it is to use the bathroom.
It’s one o’clock in the afternoon, and I have only moved to pee. I hadn’t opened the blinds or put any lights on. Even a short trip to the bathroom has me exhausted. I have no energy. My head is pounding, and my body is aching. I don’t want to eat or drink anything. I feel numb is probably the best way to describe it.
I am glad Blake is at work because I don’t want him to see me like this. He would worry too much, and I don’t want him to. I’m hoping by the time he comes home tonight; I will have found the energy to get out of bed and pretend everything is fine and dandy. If not, I will just tell him I have a migraine or something. I don’t want to or like lying to him, but he doesn’t need me to ruin his day.
At the thought of Blake, my cell started to ring. He would be on his lunch break and calling to check in. I take a few deep breaths and prepare to sound like I am okay. I didn’t want to answer, but if I didn’t, then he would become concerned.
“Hey!” I answer, trying to sound happy.
“Hello, angel, how are you?”
I didn’t mean to, but I paused before I answered.
“Good,” I reply.
“Chloe, what is wrong?” he asks softly.
How does he know something is wrong? He has only been on the phone for two seconds.
“Nothing, I’m fine. How are you? How is work?”
With any luck, my questions will distract him from his other thoughts.
“Are you sure?”
I can hear the concern in his voice.
“Yes. Why do you think something is wrong?”
I play it off the best I can, so I sound surprised by his worry.
“Okay, if you are sure.”
He didn’t sound too convinced.
“Yip! How has your day been, babe?”
“Busy, but alright. Have you done much today?”
No, Blake, I haven’t. I have barely moved out of bed.
“Not much, to be honest. Sleeping, reading and watching tv.”
I hate myself for being dishonest with him. I refuse to let him come home from work because of me.
“Do you need anything brought in, beautiful? I should be home about six.”
“Um, no, I don’t think I need anything. Thanks, though.”
I am not in a talking mood, so as terrible as it sounds, I would rather make the call short and sweet. The longer I’m on the call, the harder it will be to hide how I really feel.
“If you think of anything, let me know. Do you want to go out on a date tonight? Dinner and a show? I am sure we can find something.” he suggests.
Shit! How do I get out of this? I would be a terrible date tonight. He sounds excited about the idea, and I don’t want to disappoint him.
“Yes, that would be nice,” I reply brightly.
“Great! I will book a reservation somewhere for dinner and see if there is some live music or something. We will find something.” he chuckles.
“I am sure we will.” I giggle.
I need to find a way to make myself feel better.
“Great! I can’t wait for our date.” He gushes.
He really is the sweetest man I’ve ever met. It is still hard to believe he is mine.
“Me too, handsome.” I coo.
We stay on the phone for another ten minutes before he needs to. The second I hang up, I hide back under the covers. I need more sleep, and hopefully, when I wake, things will be better. Perhaps a nice, warm bubble bath will help. I’m not sure, but I need something because I don’t want to be like this when Blake comes back from his work. I don’t know how long I will continue to be like this. Sometimes it is only for a day, and other times; it can be a week or longer.
****
I wake to someone gently shaking me and saying my name. I groan and pull the covers over my head.
“Go away,” I snap.
“Chloe, it’s me, baby girl.”
The sound of Blake’s soft voice makes me pull the covers away. Why is he home so early? I open my eyes to see him sitting on the edge of the bed with a concerned look on his face.
“Blake, I thought you wouldn’t be home until six?” I ask, tired and confused.
“It is half past six in the evening.”
I shoot up, “What? No, it can’t be. I haven’t been sleeping for five hours.”
“Chloe, what is going on? I sensed something was wrong when we spoke. I should have come home to check on you.”
“I told you, I was fine. I am fine.” I protest.
Blake shakes his head, “No, you aren’t. You just slept for five hours. The place is in darkness, and I believe you haven’t eaten. Please, don’t lie to me, sweetheart.”
He climbs onto the bed and kneels between my legs. His eyes meet mine, and he searches them for answers. I turn away from him.
“Chloe, tell me, what is wrong? Did something happen when I was at work?”
Blake rests his hand on my cheek and turns me back to face him. I need to be honest. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“I-I-I am having a bad day with my mental health. I have been in bed all day. I haven’t eaten or drunk anything. I’m exhausted and drained. I’m sorry, Blake, I should have told you.” I whimper.
“I’m sorry you are having a bad day, Chloe. I wish you would have told me; I could have come home and taken care of you.” He sighs and gently strokes my face.
“You can’t rearrange your entire life for you, Blake,” I whisper.
“Chloe, yes, I can. You are more important right now.”
The second he spoke such sweet words to me, I started sobbing.
“I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” he asks and sits beside me.
He slips his arm around me and hugs me to him.
“No, it isn’t that. I think that was probably the sweetest thing someone has ever said. I have never been at the top of anyone’s list regarding priorities.” I say between sobs.
“You are at the top of mine, angel. What can I do to help?” he asks.
“Honestly, nothing. I need to come out of this myself. You being here is enough.”
I manage a small smile and kiss his cheek.
“Well, anything you need, I am here. How about I run you a bubble bath? Light some candles and put soothing music on in the bathroom for you?”
“I would like that, thank you.”
“Okay, I will do that. And can you please try to eat something?” he pleads.
“I can try.”
“Even something small. I will see what I can throw together while you are in the bath, beautiful.”
He places a soft kiss on my lips.
“I am sorry we can’t go on our date,” I say sadly.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. We can have a date night here. After your bath and something to eat, we can snuggle up in bed and watch a movie. If you want to go back to sleep, you can do that too.”
I smile and nod, “Cuddles from you always make me feel better.”
“I am here for all the cuddles you need, Chloe.”
I am glad he seems to be understanding. My ex was a nightmare when I had days like this. He would force me to do housework and watch me struggle. If I didn’t do them, he would hit me. And if he weren’t making me do those things, he would fill me up on drink and cocaine, then take advantage because I was too weak to fight him off.
“Thank you for not being mad at me, Blake.”
I kiss him softly, and he strokes my cheek again when we part.
“I would never be mad at you, sweetheart.”
He stole one last kiss before he disappeared to run my bath. I am not used to someone taking care of me in the ways he does. Maybe I won’t feel so lonely since he is here. Fingers crossed, it will pass, and I will be okay tomorrow.