Chloe
Blake and I have been back from Paris for a few days. I wish we could have stayed longer. It was incredible, but now, sadly, I am having an off day. I am tired and sad, struggling to get out of bed. I haven’t had many days like these recently and I hate it. I have no reason to feel like this. Life is good. I am not going through anything bad. I have the perfect man who loves me. I have a job, somewhere to stay and am away from the abusive life I was living. So why am I still feeling like this?
I wonder if it is out of fear. Blake telling me he loves me wasn’t something I expected. I love him too, I really do, but giving him all I have terrifies me. I know he would never hurt, not like my ex used to, but I guess I still have my demons chasing after me. I hate it.
Thankfully, Blake is at work today, so he isn’t here to see me like this. He doesn’t need to know because if he does, he will drop everything and come rushing home. I take up enough of his time; I can’t take him away from work. I will do whatever I can to pull myself together before he comes home.
I have been awake for three hours but can’t seem to pull myself out of bed. I need to take my medication. Hopefully, that will make me feel better. I stare at the ceiling, trying to motivate myself.
The sudden sound of knocking on the door makes me panic. I freeze as the first thought that comes to mind is that Max has found me. He hasn’t crossed my mind recently, but that worry is always there in the back of my mind. What if he has found me? He can’t know where Blake stays. I don’t want him to bring any trouble to him. I don’t move, not even an inch, and there is another knock that is a little louder.
It stops, but then I hear the handle. I quickly sit up and bring my knees to my chest, hugging them, terrified that Max has found a way in. Blake always locks the door behind him, but what if he forgot? The front door opens, and I am ready to run and hide in the bathroom.
“Chloe, it is me.”
I relax, hearing the familiar voice of Blake’s mom, Jess. I didn’t know she was coming over, but Blake usually tells me if she is.
“Hi,” I call back.
“Where are you, sweetie?”
“Bedroom.”
I hear her come through. She smiles brightly, but it soon fades, and concern takes over her face.
“Are you okay? Why are you still in bed?” she asks.
She isn’t judging, just concerned.
“Um, I was cold.” I lie.
I hate lying to her, but if I tell her what is wrong, she will probably tell Blake. She comes over and sits on the bed.
“No, you aren’t. Having a bad day?”
I sigh and nod, “Yes. I have been trying to motivate myself to get out of bed for the last three hours. I don’t know what is wrong. I have no reason to have a bad day.”
“Sweetie, it doesn’t matter how things are going. Depression creeps up without warning. Have you taken your medication?”
I shake my head, “Not yet.”
“Where is it? I will get it for you.” She smiles.
I told her where to find it, and she returned with my medication, a banana, and some water.
“Have the fruit first. You don’t want to take them on an empty stomach.”
I thanked her, took it from her, and ate it. Afterwards, she hands me my medication, and I take that too.
“Thank you. I am sorry.” I whimper.
“You never need to be sorry. I assume my son doesn’t know how you are feeling this morning because if he did, I know he would be right here with you.”
“No, I haven’t told him. I don’t want him missing work because of me. I will be okay. I just need to find the energy and motivation to move.” I say softly.
Jess reaches over and squeezes my hand, “How about I make us some coffee, and if after, you feel like moving, you can go for a shower. Afterwards, you and I can go out and make a day of it. Have a girl’s day? Breakfast, shopping, get our nails down and enjoy being outside?” she suggests.
“Okay, I will try.” I smile.
I don’t want to overwhelm myself, but getting out of the house for the day will probably be good for me.
“If you aren’t up for it, I will stay here and keep you company. I can make food, we can watch some girlie movies and eat too much ice cream.”
“Are you sure you don’t have anything better to do?” I whisper.
I don’t want her to feel like she needs to stay here with me.
“I want to spend the day with you. You can tell me all about Paris and how my son finally told you he loved you. I am surprised he didn’t tell you before Paris because he has been feeling it for a while.” She smiles.
I should have known she would have known what happened. Blake tells her everything. They have a close relationship, which I think is beautiful. I wish it were something I had.
I blush, “he told you that, uh?”
She laughs, “Yes.”
She headed off to make some coffee for us. I appreciate Jess so much. She has been so good and lovely to me since the day we met. She has such a pure heart. We have a bond, and I believe it is because we understand one another; we have both been through the same things.
Jess returns after five minutes with two mugs of coffee and hands one to me before she sits beside me on the bed, switching the TV on and finding us something to watch.
“You tell me when you are ready and what you want. There is no rush, we have all day.”
“Thank you.” I smile.
I am sure I will move in time. A girl’s day with Jess sounds perfect. I don’t exactly have any friends I can do it with or a mother or sister, so it will be a nice change for me. I enjoy Jess’s company, always. I hope I can find it in me to go out. I am sure Jess would prefer to go out, too.
I can do this! My meds will kick in soon, and with any luck those will make me feel well and energised enough to get out of bed and the apartment.