Louisa’s POV
"You just can’t stay away from trouble, can you?" Lucian asked when he pushed me into my tent.
"He was badly injured and they still wanted him to fight. It’s not fair! He’ll be killed!" I said.
"Why do you care? He’s just a rogue." Lucian said.
He saw the dead body of the young soldier in my tent and frowned.
"I care because I have a heart! Unlike you!" I shouted.
I regretted it straight away.
It wasn’t fair to say something like that to him.
He had taken so many risks to help me.
But sometimes he was like a walking dead… a living corpse to me.
I really didn’t know what was underneath his calm and tranquil appearance.
"I’m sorry…" I whispered, "I didn’t mean to…"
He looked away at the dead soldier.
"Did you kill him to get away?" Lucian asked.
"He wanted to kill me and take away…" I wanted to "pearls", but I realized I couldn’t afford to tell anyone about the pearls, so I paused.
"He wanted to… hurt me." I lowered my head and said.
Lucian asked the soldiers to move the body away.
Then, he looked at me and said, "Alpha is right. You’re a plague to our pack. Wherever you go, people die because of you."
"Please don’t kill me…" I whispered, "I don’t know why… I feel compulsive to help him… I…"
"You almost had him killed." he said.
"He needs my help… I can help people… I have Uma’s potion box! I can cure wounded soldiers and I’ll make up for what I’ve done…"
"Nothing you do can bring a dead soldier back to life." Lucian said and chained me up again, "Death is irreversible."
"What about you?" I couldn’t hold it anymore and cried out, "You’ve killed so many people. Don’t you feel guilty about them?"
"Yes." he held my face in his hands and said, "Every single moment of my life."
"So why did you kill them in the first place?" I asked.
"Because my Alpha asked me to do so." he stared at me and replied.
"It’s just that convenient, isn’t it?" I asked, "Blame him for every shitty thing you’ve done."
He held my collar and pushed me onto the bed.
It was the first time I saw him being emotional like that.
"What do you know about life? What do you know about love and sacrifice? Do you know what I’ve been through? Who are you to judge me for what I’ve done?"
"Yes, I’m nothing." I looked up at him and said fearlessly, "I have no right to judge you. But upon your death, you will stand in front of the Moon Goddess and she will make her final judgment! Try telling her that ‘My Alpha told me to do so’ and see if she understands and grants you a pleasant afterlife!"
Lucian looked at me.
For a brief moment, I thought he was about to strangle me.
But then, he just turned back and walked away.
I covered my face and wept.
Why did I keep hurting people around me like this?
Lucian…
… he was a kind and gentle soul.
He was strong, warm and powerful.
For a reasonable person like him, he must have known what he had done was wrong.
All those barbarianism… killing, raping, robbery, and slavery.
He might have already been tired of them, but he couldn’t do anything about it.
He could have used some sort of comfort from me, just as his giant wolf generated for me the other night.
The last thing he needed, was to let someone so negligible as me remind him of the fact that he had already known —
That his soul would never be rested for the rest of his life.
That he was going to suffer in the Frozen Hell for the rest of his afterlife.
For eternity.
My heart felt like being stabbed over and over again.
The growing pain made me suffocate.
I scratched my chest until it bled, trying to let the infliction bleed out of my body.
My body was arched and twisted on the bed, as if I was possessed.
Then, I heard the steps and the clashing sound of chains outside the tent.
"Your job is to stay here and watch the girl. Don’t let her get out of the tent and don’t let anyone come closer to her. Understand?" A voice said.
I quickly ran out of the tent and saw the giant black rouge wolf sitting outside my tent, being chained to an iron pole.
His neck was still badly bleeding.
He had cuts and wounds all over his body.
I felt heartbroken and wrapped my arms around his waist.
"I’m sorry…" I cried myself a river on him, "It’s all my fault! I almost have you killed!"
He turned his head and looked at me for a while.
Then, he used his giant tongue to lick the tears on my face.
I knew he was trying to comfort me.
I held his snout in my arms and cried even more.
At that moment, I buried my face in his furs and let all of my shame, remorse, anger, and fear out.
His giant tail wrapped me around my body, covering my eyes and ears.
I felt so safe and warm, so I rubbed my face against his body.
A compulsive drive for sleep hit me, so I fell asleep immediately.
I didn’t know how long I had stayed in his cuddling like that on that day.
But I felt unprecedented relived and loved.
For the first time in my life, I managed to sleep soundly, undisturbed, without any nightmares.
When I woke up, it was already midnight.
The moonlight was the best cure for wolves.
I felt more refreshed than ever and stretched out my arms.
The giant wolf was resting his head on his giant paws.
His eyes were closed and he was snorting with rhythm.
Under the silver moonlight, I saw his wounds starting to clot.
I tiptoed into the tent and took the calendula powder out.
Then, I started to carefully apply the powder to his wounds.
He remained there, lying on his stomach.
He didn’t open his eyes, but his ears flicked and his tail was wagging, so I knew he was awake.
I ripped off the hem of my gown and wrapped them as bandages around his neck.
He lifted up his chin slightly and let me tie up a bow tie on the side of his neck.
He looked as if he was wearing a white scarf.
I looked at him and giggled.
He opened his eyes and looked at me.
I guess he just liked the sound of my giggling.
He used his snout to poke my hands.
I knew he wanted me to hug him.
So, I wrapped my arms around his snout, leaned forward and kissed him on his nose.
"I love you, big paw." I smiled at him and kissed him again.
He puffed his nose and looked at him with his golden eyes.
Then, he wrapped me again with his tail while licking my face over and over again.
I knew that was his way of kissing. He was showing love and affection to me.
He needed me.
I was needed by someone.
I was no longer alone.