By the time we made it downstairs, the kids had already finished breakfast and were in the family room, watching something on TV. Della, Liam, and Keita were gathered around the country kitchen table with food on their plates and coffee in their mugs. Hawk kissed his mom on her cheek and encouraged her not to get up. He pulled out a chair for me and turned around to the stove area to fix our breakfast plates. Sitting down, I managed a slight smile at Della at the head of the table but had a hard time meeting the eyes of Liam and Keita across from me. Thin walls and all of that.
“Someone got up on the right side of the bed,” Liam started right away.
My gaze bounced everywhere as a heated blush rose to my cheeks. “Sorry about th—”
“Coffee, Mai?” Hawk saved me.
“Uh…” I turned around to face him, and he threw in a quick wink. “Tea?” I suggested, thinking between the tornado terror and facing Hawk’s family, I needed something calming, not jittery.
“I’ll get it.” Della rose as Hawk set our plates of bacon, cheesy eggs, vegetables, and bread on the table.
Sitting next to me, he spoke to his younger brother. “Someone was out late on date night. Checkin’ out the shocks on the minivan?”
“Maybe…” Liam’s inflection and use of the word sounded so much like Hawk’s, I had to laugh silently.
Both Keita and I shook our heads as the brothers grinned, and Della set the tea bags in front of me. “Boys….”
“Sorry, Momma.” They both chuckled.
“Maya, go ahead and eat. Don’t let this Neanderthal get to you.” Hawk looked from me to Liam.
I loved watching the brothers together. As an only child, it was something I’d totally missed out on. “I…you know, I’m suddenly not that hungry.”
Della examined my plate while handing me the hot water cup. “You’re not another one of those vegetarians, are you?” She reclaimed her seat at the head of the table. “Yesterday you ate—"
“What?” I queried and looked at Hawk.
“Oaklee.” His ex-wife’s name came out blandly from Hawk’s mouth.
“No, ma’am,” I denied. “No, not at all. I like meat.”
“Don’t even say it!” Keita smacked her husband’s arm before we went another round of sexual innuendo.
“I’m just not that hungry,” I explained. I was still having mini-waves of nauseous panic from being stuck underground…although I was trying to conceal it.
“Good.” I refocused on Della’s voice and the shake of her head. “That little cheerleader… Can’t believe Max has put up with h—”
“Momma.” The way Hawk used his mother’s name was a clear indication he didn’t want to talk about his ex any more. He turned to me, instead. “You want to try something different?”
“No.” I placed my hand on top of his. “I’m sure I’ll regret it halfway out of town, but I…no.” I quit dunking the tea bag and took a sip.
“I’ll pack you a doggie bag,” Della offered.
“Great.” I took a bite of the whole wheat toast just so Hawk wouldn’t keep staring at me. “And I would love the coleslaw recipe from last night.”
“Oh, sure.” His mother seemed pleased I took interest in her cooking. “It’s so easy.”
Thankfully, we managed to get back to a normal conversation, which included everything from Landon and Neve’s school, to exactly how close Della and Eli were—regular companions but nothing serious yet, to my life in Maryland. Nothing was too personal. It just gave us all a better glimpse into each other’s worlds.
While Hawk went upstairs to get our bags and Keita and Liam were rounding up the kids and their belongings, I helped Della put some food together for our trip. “Thanks.” I nodded at the to-go containers.
“No problem. I hope you feel better.”
“I already am,” I said. “I don’t know…these past few days have been a whirlwind. Making the decision to move to Nashville and having to look for a place to live and then, of course, the fun time I had feeling like I was buried alive under your garden.” I tried to bring humor to the image that shattered my brain just thinking of it. “I think I just need to relax and quiet the spinning.”
“That would do it.” She seemed to look me up and down before saying, “Maya? You seem like a genuine person.” Before I could answer that I try to be, she continued. “I’m trusting you have Alex’s best intentions at heart. He deserves that.”
“Of course,” I partially stuttered, not quite sure how to take her comment.
“It really has been so nice meeting you.” She gazed at me and then gave me a hug, adding to the confusion about what she was thinking.
I wasn’t going to get a definitive answer then, though, because Hawk reentered the kitchen, oblivious to any of our conversation. “Well, we need to take off.” He gently strung his hand through my still-bandaged one.
“You!” His mom pointed her finger at her son. “You need to call and visit more often.”
“Yes, Momma.” He sighed in a good-boy, Southern way.
“I expect to see both of you sometime soon.”
She reached up on her tiptoes to give her tall son a hug, and I pushed away the uneasy feeling I’d had just seconds before. She had included me in the future visit. Maybe the little warning was just a protective momma kind of thing. Maybe. Hopefully.
***
We stopped for gasoline not too far from Della’s home. I wanted some gum and soda. So I told Hawk I would run into the accompanying convenience store and be right back.
Both of us outside of the car, he brought me into his arms. His eyes met mine and the slightest of smiles emerged. He kissed me then. “Besides the obvious, Mai, I had a really good time. I’m glad you came.”
I know my eyes shone. I could feel them light up like the bright Oklahoma sky above. I kissed him back sweetly. “Besides the obvious,” I smiled, “me, too. And punch bug, by the way.”
He looked around and saw the white, classic Beetle parked in front of the store. “Two for a classic,” he recited, and kissed me twice.
I strolled happier than ever into the convenience store. A woman around my age with dark, full brunette hair, that hung halfway down her back, was at the glass doors when I entered. I said excuse me and went on my way to quickly pick up peppermint gum, a soda, and unsweetened tea for Hawk. After I paid, I swung around to be face to face with the woman again. Well, not exactly face to face. Her curvy figure was, actually, a good bit shorter than mine.
“You’re the one?” she queried. Her dark eyes matched her hair color.
“Huh?” I turned a little more definitively toward her.
“You’re the one with Alex?” Before I could answer, she continued. “I heard you were at the clinic yesterday.” With that comment, I noticed she was wearing a nursing smock. She was kind of intense and really had me at a loss, since I had no idea who she was. “Don’t expect much,” she predicted ominously. “He’s not made for happily-ever-after.”
“Uh…”
“Hey, Mai, what’s—” Hawk cut off his own words, as I turned to see him entering the store. Then he said her name. “Oaklee.”
“Alex!” She threw her arms around him.
And he just as quickly pushed them away. I looked at her in a whole new way then. Hawk’s ex-wife. Hmmm…not at all the tall blonde I was expecting.
“How are you?” he asked his ex, while carefully taking my bandaged hand in his.
I took note of the way he spoke to Oaklee. It was in a very even-keeled demeanor. It wasn’t done with anger or with criticism but definitely not with enthusiasm. It was as if he was speaking to a waitress at a restaurant or a casual business colleague.
“Good. So good.” She seemed suddenly bubblier in his presence. “Max, the kids…we’re all good.”
“Good.”
“I’m sure he’d like to see you.” Her Southern drawl was much more pronounced than Hawk’s.
“We’re actually heading out of town right now.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
“It was nice meeting you, Oaklee.”
“You, too.” She said it in an even tone, but I was pretty sure she didn’t mean it.
And with that, Hawk turned us, and we walked hand in hand back to the car. He waited until we were on the main road before broaching the obvious subject. “So what’s going on in that head of yours?” He glanced quickly at me and then back at the road.
“Because I have such an imaginative one.”
His chuckle was partial. “Yes. I know you must have questions.”
“Just one,” I admitted.
“Okay….” His breath out was huge.
“You were married to her?”
“A life time and a different person ago.” He sighed again.
“I should hope so.”
His belly did a one-huff laugh. “Wasn’t what you were expecting?”
“I hadn’t thought much about—”
“Maya…” He said my name in the “c’mon, get real” kind of way. “I know you had to.”
“Okay. Yeah, maybe a little.” White lie.
“You’re nothing like her,” he said in a reassuring way.
“If you’re talking personality, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It’s a compliment in every which way.” His soft voice changed then as it was registering what I said. “Why? What? What were you two talking about before I came in?” In the time it took me to debate on how to answer, his scruffy face definitely turned my direction.
“Nothing. Really,” I insisted. “She was just introducing herself. But she sure seemed to sing a different tune when you walked in.”
“Good thing I’m tone deaf,” he joked and made a definitive nod in my direction. “Everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Believe me, I have no regrets.” He placed his hand on my thigh.
I could hear the sincerity of his voice. I could see it in the way he’d treated her as a casual acquaintance. I could feel it in the way his hand caressed me. The lingering mystery of Oaklee could be put to rest.
***
I thought I would have been more tired after traveling most of the day. But I wasn’t too bad. Entertaining Chance and Arinn at the Murphy abode while Hawk, Finn, and Lara were at the Nashville concert kept me awake, for the most part.
But after I put the kids down—prayers and bedbugs routines intact—I knew then that I wasn’t going to be too far behind. I found my way under the sheets of the Murphy guest room. It was going to be my new temporary home since Finn and Lara had offered to put me up there while I looked for a permanent place in Music City.
Feeling even closer to him since the visit to his hometown, I texted Hawk. Tornados & storm shelters…U sure know how to show a girl a good ole southern time
His text came back a couple minutes later. Knocks on bedroom walls…
Not only did I smile with heat rushing to my cheeks, but I sent him a similar emoji. Made it all worth it. Going to sleep. C U tomorrow, right?
U @ my place…can’t wait.
I was internally melting as I typed, Punch buggy parked.
Back at ya.
***
My stomach was rumbling worse than when I had first gotten out of that death trap of a shelter. I was more dazed than when Finn had first offered me the initial job. I was in a state of disbelief, similar to when I was on my way to the hospital the last day of Jeff’s life.
And, yet, it had to be true. I had even double checked. And there I was standing in front of Hawk’s door. It was the first time I was ever at his place, and it was going to be with such shocking news.
“Hi, Mai.” He greeted me with a hug.
I looked in his eyes, wondering if I could pre-read them…wondering if I could predict the future…if I could tell how everything was going to go…how he was going to react…if it was the last time I would look in those eyes…if that had been our last embrace. “Hi.” I got the one word out.
“I’m glad you’re here. What’s up? What took so long?”
I had originally planned on coming hours before—us spending more of the day together. But a mid-morning phone call had changed all that. I had needed to regroup and take as much charge of the situation as I could before finally making my way to his Tennessee townhome.
“I…I had to take care of some things.”
He had my hand and was leading me through the hardwood hallway into the similarly floored family room. “If it’s about the move…”
“No.”
“Come on, sit down.” He started toward the neutral-colored sofa. “I want to talk to you about th—”
“Hawk….” I didn’t sit.
So neither did he. “Maya? What is it? What’s wrong?”
I dropped his hand and turned from him. I looked down at the brown and white Oriental rug, over to the inactive brick fireplace with expansive art piece of the Nashville skyline above, to the beige-carpeted stairs leading up to the rest of the home, and to the door leading to the back yard. Finally, I glanced at the three framed photos of his family. I looked anywhere but at him.
“Maya?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Whoosh! Did that just come out? Did I just say that? It was the first time I had said it out loud, and it made me feel like I was upside down all over again.
“What?” It was one word, but it seemed to take forever coming out of his mouth.
“I’m sorry.” That time, despite mine blurring, I managed to look into his eyes.
“What?” It was the same inflection and rhythm of his previous question and the same as I had been feeling all morning since I’d first heard. After a beat or two, there was another one-word question—the other one I had immediately had, too. “How?”
“I don’t know. I swear. I swear, Hawk. I don’t know. I wouldn’t have known, but they called with the results of my blood work. They said it was normal, except I was—” I recalled the stunning phone call from the Oklahoma clinic earlier that morning.
“I thought you couldn’t.”
“I…I know. I don’t know how it happened. I swear. I didn’t do this on purpose. I wasn’t trying to trap you.” Once I had gone to the pharmacy, once I had confirmed it with an over-the-counter test, and once I had parked the car in an empty vacant field, that was all I could think about—what he would think…how he would react…how women in his past had dealt with pregnancies. “God, I would never do that.”
“You’re pregnant?” He needed to hear it again.
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I even took one of those home tests.”
“Ah…” He breathed out. “Jesu—”
“I’m sor—” I tried again.
“All right…enough. I heard you.” His tension was quite apparent.
I closed my eyes, wanting us both to take a moment. And then, I tried again. “Hawk?”
His exhale was extreme. “I…wow. I need some time. I need some time to…damn…think.” He took a mini-breath. “Wow.”
I wanted him to say more. But when he didn’t, I guess that was my answer. And it was really what I had expected all along, anyway. My shoulders drooped as I said, “I’ll leave.”
Surprisingly, he said, “No. No. Stay. I’ll go. Just give me a little bi…”
His voice dropped off as he looked at me for a solid few seconds, blew out some air, and exited through a side door. It must have led to the garage because, in the matter of minutes, I heard the garage door opening, an engine starting, and the door reclosing. He had left.
***
I waited awhile. Eventually, I had settled my nerves enough to finally sit down on the sofa. I played with the throw pillows, but I did nothing much more than get lost in my own thoughts. I knew what Hawk was thinking and feeling because I was pretty much feeling the same. The pregnancy was beyond a surprise. It was impossible, as far as I had been told. But it was real. It was true. And I had to place my feelings of shock into a compartment and understand what I felt about the actual life that was suddenly, miraculously inside of me. It was something I had wanted for so long and then had learned to cope with not being able to ever have. It wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. God, no…not at all. But, somehow, it did. And I…I wasn’t not going to be happy about it…even if it meant losing the one person who had brought me the most happiness in so long.
It was well over an hour, and I hadn’t moved. I didn’t feel like I should have gone up the stairs to the main part of Hawk’s home. It seemed like an invasion, since he hadn’t personally brought me up there himself. Just as I was about to use the powder room, my cell phone rang. Springing it free from my purse, I was disappointed to see it wasn’t Hawk. But it could have possibly been the next best thing. At least the caller could provide some answers.
The person on the other line was my doctor from Maryland—the one who had said Jeff and I couldn’t have a baby. She was the one who had turned my hopeful world into a barren one. And I was hoping she could explain how it could possibly be that it was becoming reversed. I had called before going to Hawk’s but had to leave a long-winded message on her voicemail. I hadn’t expected a phone call back that late in the day—after hours. But I was glad she did. It explained so much.
When I got off the phone, things were at least clearer on the how. But I knew it probably didn’t make much difference where Hawk was concerned. I had thrown a bucket of ice in his face with no warning. And he hadn’t gone for a short little stroll to get more. He had been gone for a while. He didn’t want to see me. And I didn’t blame him.
I took out the notepad and pen I always kept in my purse for blog inspirations and wrote a short but heartfelt note. I’m sorry. I can’t tell you how much. But I understand. It’s my fault. I don’t blame you for hating me.
Emotional, I waited a little bit until I knew I was calm enough to drive. The bandages on my hands were beginning to unravel as I entered Finn’s Range Rover he insisted I use until I got back to Maryland to reclaim my own car. I peeled away at the gauze until it was completely off. The marks were still there, but the healing had already begun. I wondered how long it would take for my heart to do the same.