His text of, Yes please. C U in a few. didn’t give me a lot to go on while waiting for him in the conservatory that next morning. Leaving him sleep, I had placed a note next to his laptop telling him where I would be and to let me know if he wanted some coffee. Now with two hot beverages and a granola bar on the mini-table beside me, I had no idea what that day—the morning after—would bring.
For some weird, backward reason, I pretended not to see him until he was sitting down in the matching chair on the other side of the table. But I had. I had seen, and maybe even felt, his presence from the moment he first entered the area. I wanted to see him, but, yet, was anxious.
“Needed some of that alone time?” he questioned, looking across the table at me.
Meeting his eyes, I managed a closed smile, while pushing his coffee in his direction. “No. No ice bucket runs.”
Realizing I was doing it, I purposefully tried to stop my thumb from playing with the non-existent piece of jewelry on my right ring finger. Not only was I concerned about Hawk’s choice of sleeping venues, but thoughts of Jeff had invaded my mind that morning. It wasn’t exactly guilt. It wasn’t exactly remembrance. But there were definitely parts of those mixed in with the knowledge that I had let myself feel again, in every way.
“I thought maybe you might have.”
“What?” Hawk brought the cup back down from his lips. “You talking about last night?” When I didn’t respond, he gave a quick narrowing of his hazel eyes and continued. “I went in the other room to work on some stuff for Friday so we didn’t have to deal with it today. You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb you.” On his explanation and slight pause, I started to relax. “Mai, I didn’t know I fell asleep. If I had woken up, I would have come back to bed.”
“Oh. Okay.” Even though I hadn’t outwardly admitted to my insecurities, I’m pretty sure he had guessed. “I’m glad you slept,” I offered instead.
His soft smile told me he not only knew we were on better footing but he understood the meaning behind my last comment. “I did. Thanks for the blanket,” he said, and then questioned the more serious of my phobias. “How was the elevator this morning?”
“Empty, thank goodness.” I breathed in a coordinating, cleansing breath.
“Good.” He was finally able to take a second sip of coffee before leaning across the small table and peering at my tablet. “What are you doing?” he inquired.
“Same as you.” I tilted the screen a little more so he could see the information I had collected on the film. “Looking for stuff I can send to Finn to help on Friday.”
“Great. Don’t overwhelm him, though. Just bullet some stuff.”
“Already done, hotshot.” I sent the info to Finn and looked at the casually dressed, gorgeous man next to me. “Don’t act so surprised,” I teased. “I know what I’m doing. I forwarded it to you, too, so you can schmooze when you’re dealing with them.” On my last word, I heard his phone make a sound, announcing that my electronic message had come through.
“Schmooze,”—he emphasized after resting his cup back on the table—“is not in my word bank. Unless it’s because a certain pretty claustrophobe is upset with me for sleeping on the sofa.”
“If she starts flirting with her tour guide today, I bet she’s probably not too upset.” Placing the tablet on the table, I leaned over to said tour guide and pecked his lips.
Hawk took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips. I was pretty sure he’d noticed the absence of my ring the night before but had not brought it up. But now, the next day, I was positive he knew.
“Maya…”
“Can we not talk about it?” My request came out in a choppy almost-whisper, as I shifted in my chair.
He hesitated but then concluded with his go-to line. “You got it.”
Our phones made us break our eye lock with one another and instead look at our screens. We both had a text coming in at the same time. No wonder—it was a joint message from our host and boss.
We both read Finn’s text. Thx for the info. I’ll look it over. Hope U enjoyed your special day yesterday.
“Oh, geez.” I rolled my eyes. “What a fraternity I walked into.” Before Hawk could say anything, I started typing back my reply to my employer. No prob. My pleasure.
I forgot it was a group text until I heard Hawk’s phone acknowledge my reply seconds after I sent it. He looked at his screen, smirked, and started typing. When I tried to look, he purposefully sheltered it from my view. After a few more finger hits, he looked up and smiled…and then I heard the new message sound on my phone.
Oh, it was mine, too 😉 was Hawk’s text to both Finn and me.
“Oh, my God!” I screeched at his obvious sexual reference.
“Well, it was.” His eyebrows lifted in a jovial way.
“Wasn’t what I meant, and you know it.”
“Wasn’t what Finn meant either…about the special day.”
“What are you talking about?” I countered. “I already dealt with Tweedledum and Dumber at the bar last night.” I glanced at the nearby conservatory bar. “Everybody knows. It’s kind of—”
“Only Finn knows it was my birthday,” Hawk interrupted.
“What?” I beseeched. I heard him, but I had to connect the dots. “Yesterday?”
“Yeah,” he answered as casual as ever.
“Hawk!” I side-swiped him with my arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t tell anybody. Finn knows because of the personnel records. I’m not a big celebration guy.”
“Oh…my…God.” I shook my head.
“What?” He nonchalantly took another sip of coffee. “What difference does it make?”
“I don’t know. I could have done something. We could have—”
“We did, Maya.” He reached over and laid his hand on top of mine, just like he had so many times at the post-concert gatherings. “That was the best birthday I’ve ever had.” And even though I knew there was an obvious, silent reference to the first time we made love, I knew he was being very honest, too. “Are you ready to go?” He took another swig from the cup and stood up.
“Hawk!” I wasn’t over the birthday reveal yet. I legitimately wanted to recognize it somehow.
“Come on.” He held out his hand for me. “There’s some cafes just down the road. Let’s go get breakfast. I seemed to have worked up an appetite yesterday.” His eyebrows shifted again as I honored his request by standing. When I handed him the second half of the granola bar I hadn’t eaten, he took a bite and said, “Thanks.”
“Thirty-eight, right?” I sought confirmation of his new age.
“Yep.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” I gathered my things in my purse.
“I just did.”
“Yeah, but—”
He interrupted. “When’s your birthday?”
“I’m hungry, too,” was my non-answer.
Grabbing my arm, he gently stopped me from walking off. “Maya?” he questioned with a look on his face that said he knew my birth date was going to be as equally as intriguing as his. “Tell me.” With the way his eyes narrowed at mine and the way his sexy voice demanded a response, I knew I had to tell him.
“Cinco de Mayo.” I shook my head, having been used to hearing the funny comments throughout my life. “I know—May, Mayo, Maya. My parents were way too cutesy.”
“The fifth of May.” He accurately converted from Spanish to English. But he wasn’t making fun of my birthday in connection with my name. He was putting together when it actually was. “That…” he started. “That was…it was our first stop.” He spoke of the summer’s first concert date. “You were with us.”
“Uh-huh. My official first day of work. Like I was going to say something then.” So true. Not giving him a chance to agree or argue, I leaned in to his side and said in humor, “Hey, I just realized I got to see you in your birthday suit on your birthday.”
I felt his body bounce from his chuckle before he said, “You know, I believe it’s my birthday week…”
I rubbed his hip where my hand had been resting and then stopped mid-stride as another text came in, apparently just to my phone. “Sorry. Let me see.”
I pulled the phone out to read Finn’s text. Hope U R joining us on Fri. When I showed it to Hawk, he shrugged as if he agreed, but it was up to me.
I can, I texted back. Prob. B important to get on social media. U want me to blog, too?
If U R willing. But I was asking U as our T.M.I. boy’s plus 1. Good either way.
Embarrassed all over again by the T.M.I. comment, I started playfully hitting Hawk, who had read the message from behind my shoulder. On his laugh, I typed back, Thx. I’ll B there. Let me know if U need anything else. Tell Chance & Arinn I said Hi.
“I told you he is okay with us.” Hawk bumped his hip with mine before leading us to the adventure of the new day.
***
It was weird being with him practically twenty-four hours a day. Weird…but definitely not in a bad way. I had initially worried it would be. But we were pretty simpatico. We got to know each other outside of having the country music world as an immediate backdrop. We weren’t pseudo co-workers but simply a carefree couple learning the minute, silly things about each other. After all, we had gotten the heavy stuff out early in our relationship.
Those two sides of us merged on the night we met Finn, Lara, and an exclusive few from the film. I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be, and I think a good part of that was those few, carefree days prior with Hawk. Although we came as a couple, we were introduced in our career roles and maintained professionalism throughout. But that didn’t mean my heart didn’t pitter-patter, sitting so close to Hawk in his all-black shirt, blazer, and slacks ensemble—such a striking, sexy contrast to his usual summer attire. And I’m pretty sure he felt the same way about my selection of clothing, since he would casually touch the spaghetti strap of my black dress when we stood near one another and got even more adventurous under the table where the lacy part of the dress ended at my knee. It was only the third of July, but the fireworks started shortly afterward in the hotel suite.
I stayed out of Hawk’s, and really everyone’s, way for the concert at the end of the week. It was time to get back to business, and I knew Hawk took his job very seriously. And with everyone returning and it being Finn’s hometown, there was a different buzz occurring that day and into the night. I didn’t go to the show, though. The kids were staying at Finn’s mom’s place, so I didn’t need to watch them. I just wanted to stay in comfy sweats and follow up on some of the social media aspects of Finn’s career and check in with my father-in-law, who had been released from the hospital.
I left the living room lamp on as a nightlight for when Hawk would eventually make his way back to the hotel suite after the concert. It wouldn’t take him long because the venue—the Yum Center—was actually connected to our hotel. It was just a skybridge and parking lot away. But, regardless, I knew I would be asleep.
I wasn’t necessarily a sound sleeper, though. It was years of worrying about Jeff’s late nights on the force. So even though I’m sure he was trying to be quiet, I did hear Hawk enter the room later that night.
“Maya?” he whispered as I felt the weight of his body sit on the bed.
“Hmmm?” I answered.
“I didn’t want to wake you but, sweetie, I smell like a brewery. So I wanted to let you know I’ll just sleep on the oth—”
“Oh, no. You’ll sleep right here,” I corrected, and rolled onto my back to see him.
“Are you sure?” he asked, but he elongated his body to mimic mine.
“I’ve smelled be—that’s…” I changed my words, knowing it wasn’t beer.
“Champagne. Wearing it more than drinking it. Finn signed on for the film. There was just a little thing backstage.”
“Huh,” I said, but it came out simultaneously with a yawn. “Good for him.”
“Sorry. Go back to sleep.”
My eyes were focused completely on him. “Yep, as long as you are, too.”
We had been in the same bed that whole week, and I was already used to and loved it. He carefully planked his body above mine and began a light lapping of kisses on my mouth before letting me turn again and lay my head on his chest.
“Maya…” He sighed out my name peacefully before we both drifted off to sleep.
***
I caught on pretty quickly to the reason behind the sudden increase of Hawk driving one of the cars during those first few weeks back on tour. Well, the reason was really two-fold. I accepted the first—Hawk wanting us to have our alone time together. But the second, I could not. I know he wanted to spare me any unnecessary time in the cramped up, not-well-ventilated trailer. Although thoughtful and kindhearted, I did not want him driving so much. It would have been different if that was all of his responsibilities, but that was far, far, far from the truth.
“I’m fine.” I tried to reassure him, even going as far as saying if he wanted to drive, so be it, but I wasn’t traveling with him. I think he knew it was a bluff but, regardless, he obliged my request and didn’t drive as often.
It was hard, though—the coming back to reality. Back on the road meant back to not seeing one another all the time…sometimes not even once a day. And if the week or so leading up to Louisville had been mentally and physically hard wanting to be with him, after Louisville was equally as painful. We were used to being together, and now there was the constant traveling circus around us. There were nights when I had to just rely on a sexy goodnight banter via text. And there were other nights when sitting around the post-concert circle holding hands had to suffice. But there were also times when we found a way to go on a joint “ice bucket” run—a rare empty bus, a back-wooded area, or even a hotel room when he was driving and we had a spare day between concerts.
***
It was at the end of August when just an intimate few of us traveled to Nashville for a quick overnighter. Finn and Lara were attending a party his label was hosting where one of the highlights was his touring success. Hawk went just because he always did, and Reese was flying in to have the publicity side covered. But it wasn’t a kid-friendly party. So I was also making the trip. I was staying at Finn and Lara’s Nashville ranch with Chance and Arinn. Even though it would have been cool to be at the party, I was just fine chillin’ in comfy clothes inside an expansive home with every modern amenity. I did not mind at all being the glorified babysitter that night.
Hawk returned before Finn and Lara. He said he wasn’t really needed and he missed me. He definitely got brownie points for including the latter. After hearing about his evening and knowing the kids had long since been securely asleep, Hawk and I moved to the guest room. We could have waited for Finn and Lara to come home and then gone to Hawk’s townhome, but it was late, and we all had a predawn flight out the next morning. So it made more sense for us just to stay there overnight.
In the instant he kissed me on the bed, my cell phone chimed. I knew it wasn’t a call or a text. It was the sound I set for my reminders. I saw Hawk glance at the bedside clock. It was exactly midnight.
“Cinderella, do you need to go home?” he jested. But when he saw what I was sure was a horrified look on my face, he rapidly changed his tone. “What?”
“I…I forgot,” I managed. “How could I forget?”
“Maya? What?”
“It’s…it was Jeff’s birthday.” Only then did I look at Hawk.
“Oh.”
When he softly touched my cheek, I said, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” His hand went down to mine. “You can talk about him.” We had always been open when discussing our pasts, but still…
“Thanks,” I acknowledged. “I just…I…I feel bad that I forgot.” It was one of my remember, forget, remember, forget things. “I feel a little guilty about it.”
We both sat there for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Was that the end of the topic? Was that the end of the night? I gave him a small smile, and he did one back. He feathered a few kisses on my mouth and then laid both of us down, drawing my head onto his button-down-covered chest.
“We can, you know…if you want to…” Still snuggled in to his side, I made the offer of sex.
He sat me partially up so we could look eye to eye. “Maya, please tell me you don’t think that’s what I’m—what we’re—all about.”
“No. No,” I reiterated a second time, because I didn’t. But hearing him actually say those words, I felt like I was fighting off some tears. It was nice to verbalize, in a backward sort of way, that we were emotionally on the same level. I didn’t want any awkwardness to creep in to the silence that followed, though. So I inserted some humor. “This is like some kind of bad soap opera.”
“Huh?”
“My husband busting in just as we got into bed.”
By the shake of his head and the couple small sounds of laughter, I knew he appreciated my effort. Though, in a more genuine tone, he followed up with, “You good? You need some time?”
“I’m all right.”
“I’m glad you’re here with me,” he said with a slight smile.
“Oh, God…” I thought about how I would have felt being miles away in a stale bus. “So am I.”
He kissed the top of my head and readjusted our bodies so we were both more prone again. We wouldn’t make love. It felt a little weird after the reminder alarm. But lying there with him, knowing I had made peace with where my life was, meant so much more.