The concert the next day was a biggie. It was at the famous Red Rocks location in Colorado. So it involved a little more with press, set-up…everything. We had arrived at the grounds past sunset and all basically went right to sleep. I knew Hawk had to be exhausted. Besides a few rest and food stops, he had basically driven the whole day and then had to be up first thing in the morning to go with Finn to do radio appearances.
I had a little more of a casual day at Red Rocks, working on updating all of Finn’s social media accounts and bouncing ideas off Reese about online giveaways. And later, I would watch the kids because Lara wanted to be at the show. I knew there would probably only be a slim window of opportunity to see Hawk before the post-show, and I wanted to take advantage of it. I felt an even stronger bond since our car ride, and the pull to be near him and see him was great.
Before going to the Murphy trailer to babysit, I made my way over to where I knew Hawk would most likely be—in the midst of all the preshow hoopla. Sure enough, I found him bent over a table writing something down. He did not see me approach. I knew not only because his back was turned but by the way he reacted when I tapped him on the shoulder.
“Why can’t you just leave me alone for a damn second?”
Startled by his abruptness, I quickly agreed. “Okay. I’ll just—”
He swirled around just as quickly. “Oh, shit, Maya, I didn’t know it was you.”
“Mmmm.”
“What? What’s up?” His voice was still tense, but his eyes looked softer. He was busy. He was stressed. He didn’t need a visit from me.
“Nothing.” I stated the truth. “I’ll see you later.”
“Maya…” His voice stretched out just like his hand did toward my arm.
“No. It’s okay.” I meant it and went to squeeze his hand quick, but his phone went off. “I have to be with the kids, anyway. Later,” I reiterated, and I think I heard him swear as I walked off.
***
I put our interaction behind me and spent a nice evening with Chance and Arinn. After the show and Lara’s return, I went back to my trailer. I knew I had a few minutes before everyone gathered for post-show, and I wanted to freshen up.
Hair and teeth brushed, I was a few steps out of the trailer when Hawk appeared. “Wanted to make sure you were coming tonight,” he said.
“Hey.” I smiled at him. “Yeah. I was just heading over.” I started walking, assuming he would join me.
But instead, he halted my action and took both of my hands in his. “You know earlier wasn’t about you, right?” His question was in obvious reference to his previous gruff disposition.
“Yeah, I know.” I did, but it was nice that he was concerned and felt a need to explain.
“There was just so much shit going on. I sometimes get—”
“Oh, I know.” I opened my eyelids a bit in exaggeration.
“Oh, you do?” He seemed almost amused, as if I truly had never seen him stressed before.
“Yeah.” I thought for a second and then went for it. “Like when you came to pick me up at the airport.”
“Hmmm, yeah.” He paused himself. “But that was a little about you.”
“What?” I dropped my hands when he didn’t answer. “Wait? Are you being serious?”
“Yeah,” he admitted.
“What did I do?”
“You were there.” He didn’t say it like it was a bad thing. It was more like a remembrance.
“More, please,” I prompted as my curiosity grew.
“I didn’t know what to expect. It was a little weird seeing you again. And things were crazy.” He tacked on the last part as if to justify his feelings about being reunited with me in the beginning of May.
“Weird, yep, just what I wanted to hear. You contact Hallmark yet?”
“Maya!” Exasperated, but with lightheartedness, he lightly pushed me.
“I got it.” I let him off the hook, relishing the fact that we had been on the same page since the tour had started.
“What did you want earlier?” He got back on subject.
“Nothing. Really,” I answered. “I was just thinking of you and had a minute and thought I would say thanks for offering to drive yesterday. It was so nice. I’m so glad we had that.”
“Oh, geez, now I feel doubly bad.”
“You should!” I teased.
“Can I make it up to you?” His tired-looking eyes perked a little at the suggestive question.
“I bet you could.” I played right along.
It wasn’t even a second before he had his hands wrapped around my head and was kissing me like a thankful dog let in from the rain. Our lip-lock was, in fact, so amorous, it caused me to take a step back so we were braced against the trailer’s side. With the intensity only growing, Hawk took my hands in his and brought them together above my head. It made his firm, strong body lean even more into mine. Oh…uh…sheesh, we may as well have been doing it right there.
“Hawk….” I finally managed to get out.
“Yeah…” His slightly labored breath mimicked mine. And then he repeated, a little more subdued, “Yeah.”
He brought our arms down but kept them entwined as he took a mini-step back. Pursing his lips to breathe out, his intense eyes did not blink as they fixated on mine. He then kissed me a couple more times but quickly, as if he knew if he would linger, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
Feeling so relaxed and desired, I smiled the softest of serene smiles and squeezed his hands. Internally, I kept thinking Louisville…Louisville. Instead, I said out loud, “I think I need a drink.”
“Mine is going to be a double for sure,” he agreed, and together we made our way toward the rest of the crew.
***
After a few more of those nights of almost-painful goodnight kisses, we were in Louisville. I was finally, truly going to be alone with Hawk. And while we had definitely been leading up to it, and I had been eager to arrive, when we first walked in to the massive hotel room that early evening, a few butterflies invaded my previously calm nerves.
I followed Hawk into the living area of the suite, complete with wall-length armoire, fridge, coffee table, and sofa. Next, we entered the dressing area with adjoining bathroom. And then, finally, was the bedroom. With the exception of Finn and Lara’s suite in the Keys, it was bigger than any hotel room I ever remembered being in.
As Hawk set our bags down in the corner of the bedroom, I exclaimed, “Geez, is this a penthouse? I mean, besides the size, how many floors up are we?”
“Good thing for elevators.” On my dismissive ‘hmmm,’ he continued. “Finn doesn’t know how to do things halfway…at least when it comes to friends and family.” There was a bit of awkward silence between us then as we stood next to those two queen beds. “Look, Maya, no pressure. There are two beds or even the whole living room. I don’t want you to feel—”
I was going to reassure him that none of that was necessary, when his phone announced a text. “What?” I asked after he quickly looked at the electronic device.
“Damn it.”
“What?” I asked again.
“Something with the trucks. I’ll be right back. Sorry.” He fit the phone back in his pocket. “It’ll take me longer to get back and forth through the hotel and out to where the trucks are than to actually solve it.”
“It’s fine,” I reassured him. “Go do what you need to.”
“All right.” He looked at me a sec, knowing our serious conversation had just taken a reprieve. But instead of saying anything more, he quickly pecked me on the lips, swiped one of the room keys from the top of his bag, and left.
I was actually a little glad for whatever was wrong with the trucks and that Hawk was the multi-task man to fix it. Because now that I was in the hotel room in Louisville, I needed to, like other wonderful things, soak it in and breathe. I was determined to get the little jitters out of my mind and focus on how much I wanted the night, week, and more.
I distracted myself by putting my clothes in one of the drawers and checking my phone. And then I went for the shower. God, it was just what I needed. It was so much more spacious than those cubbies on the road, and the hotel’s honey-scented shampoo was luxuriously heavenly. The grime of traveling truly felt removed.
Afterward, I put on the fresh undergarments I had brought into the bathroom. It was my nicest black lace bra and panty set. I had planned on sliding into the jeans, tank, and wrap I had also brought in, but now, much more relaxed, I felt sexy. I knew in that moment, I didn’t want to wait until later that evening to determine sleeping arrangements. In fact, I wanted to be in a bed and not sleep. I wanted him. And I wanted him to know I wanted him.
I applied a sparkly pink lip stain and fresh mascara and decided on nothing more, makeup-wise. After all, Hawk had seen me for months with minimal makeup on. Who was I trying to fool? Scrunching my fingers through my hair to bring out the natural waves, I started the hairdryer to finish my look.
When I turned the blower off, I could hear the television in the bedroom. Knowing I hadn’t turned it on, I realized Hawk had to be back. Just a quick, small flutter hit my body, but I decided it was more out of anticipation. I left the jeans and tank folded on the towel rack and tied the black wrap around my torso. It was the best I could do without just walking out in my underwear. And I think it pretty much did the trick. It hung down to mid-thigh and exposed just enough of my bra to tease. I knew he wouldn’t be expecting it, but I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be disappointed.
Then, before I opened the door, I saw it. And I had a decision to make. The skinny gold band, engraved with a J, heart symbol, and M, glistened on the shelf where I had put it pre-shower. It was automatic that I would put it on. While it no longer resided on my left hand, it had a permanent space on the opposite ring finger. But it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right putting the ring on, knowing what I was planning—hoping—I would be doing very shortly. I looked at the mirror. I looked at the ring. I closed my eyes. I thought of Jeff. I thought of Hawk. And I put the ring securely in my makeup bag and opened the bathroom door.
I saw him immediately via the lengthy mirror in the dressing area. His back was toward me as he was half sitting, half lying on the first bed, watching some sort of news program. When I entered the room and got into his peripheral vision, he popped off the bed and fumbled for the remote, eventually getting the television off.
I stood still, waiting for him to approach me, which he did. There was a slight exhale from his mouth as he scanned my attire. “You look…God…amazing.”
My top teeth, which had been digging deep into my bottom lip since exiting the bathroom, released their grip as I smiled. Any doubts I may have had were erased by his words…and the adoring way he looked at me. He took the final step and kissed me sweetly and then with a little more hunger.
Stopping and holding me just at arm’s length, he asked, “Now? Yeah?” When I let my eyes blink positively on his, he asked, “Do I need to get anything?”
I shook my head without breaking my gaze. “Not because of me. I’m fine.” I realized how much of the dating crap I had forgotten about, having been married for so many years.
“I’m good,” he confirmed.
“And you know the thing with…I can’t get pregnant.” I always hated the words infertile, infertility—they seemed so diseased and incompetent.
He brought me back to him and, while running his hands through my hair, I could feel his tongue explore deeper and greedier into my mouth. I know I moaned in pleasure as I let my mouth dance with his. He broke for a second and then swept the covers and sheet down on the bed he had just been sitting on. And then he scooped me up into those damn, strong arms and gently laid me right in the center of the mattress. I watched as he stood and discarded his red T-shirt. Of course, I had seen him shirtless before. But this was intoxicating. His broad chest led down to where he was removing his buckle from his jeans, showing off his defined V. It was like my private strip show, and I was just taking pleasure in watching. He silently removed his jeans, letting them puddle on the floor, before sitting directly next to my outstretched legs and untying my wrap. When I helped him shrug it off my shoulders, he let out another audible, appreciative breath.
And then we got lost in one another. His mouth was all over my torso. My hands wove in the short strands of his hair and then roamed down his back. My head tilted back. My eyes closed. And when he entered me, he settled for a moment, allowing both of us to feel that new, spectacular connection we both knew had been building since almost the first time we met. And with the strength and silence I knew as Hawk, he made love with me in the most clenching, squirming, feeling-every-wonderful-molecule kind of way.
***
Afterward, I lay in his encompassing arms. We were both silent, allowing our breaths to regulate. I ran my index finger in a slow, small pattern through the little bit of light hair on his chest and then rested my lips there for an extended moment.
“That was some meet-and-greet.” He touched the side of my face.
I laughed lightly at his comparison of a concert event with how I met him upon returning from the trucks. “And we still have another bed,” I teased, feeling lighter than I had in such a while.
“Oh, my God, woman.” His chest bounced my head in laughter. We lay like that for another moment before Hawk took his hand to tilt my chin and, consequently, my eyes toward him. “Mai?” By just the way he said my name, I knew he was turning a little more serious. “I have wanted you…us…for so long.”
I propped myself onto my elbow. “It was better than I even imagined.”
“You were imagining it?” He seemed intrigued.
“Oh, yeah,” I admitted, glad to still have such an easygoing give-and-take with him. “And I am a writer. I have quite an imagination.”
He did a light chuckle. “Welcome to Louisville.” He pecked me on my lips.
“My new favorite town.”
He kissed me again, and I turned to snuggle my back against his front. We lay there for a bit…me feeling his breathing in my hair and his one finger ever so slightly moving back and forth on my hip. Was it right that it felt so right?
“Look at that gorgeous view.” I spoke of the spectacular, peachy sunset above the still water.
“I am.” His simple words made me turn. His eyes were only on me.