"Fine, I'll just tell you the details," he snapped. "The target is Peter Hylands. A murderer and rapist. To our knowledge we know he has murdered not only his two 3 year old children, 4 innocent civilians and he had also kidnapped and sexually abused at least 15 teenagers."
I threw the file back on the desk. "Don't."
"He has a mother. Lovely woman. She will grieve the loss of her son, but tell me, Daisy, do you think the pain of one person suffering is worth taking out this person? A murderer? A rapi-"
"Stop!" I snapped.
"Is the assassination of Peter Hylands justified?" Rob asked me and I gritted my teeth.
"Stop trying to manipulate me!" I hissed.
"I'm just trying to show you the good that we do," Rob shrugged. "We take out the bad in this world. Yes his mother would be upset, but he won't be able to harm anyone else."
"How would you feel if we told you that he was your target?" James wondered and I looked at the file on the desk. A picture of a dark haired male was stapled to the front. "Would you regret killing him?"
"What do you want me to say?" I exclaimed. "That I'd feel no remorse killing that son of a bitch? I wouldn't. Killing people doesn't affect me! But it should! I should feel some guilt about taking a life, but I feel nothing! That's sick! I'm sick! The only time I felt slightly guilty about what I did is when I saw the shocked face of the little boy who's parents I killed, in front of him! That was the only time I felt guilt and I hated it! I hated that feeling and I never want to feel it again!" I had risen from my chair and I was yelling angrily, tears were forming in my eyes, but I didn't care. "One stupid little kid got to me! I can't sleep at night without seeing his face! I've ruined his life! I will never kill anyone again, Rob! I don't want to feel guilty about taking out a sick person. I refuse to feel that guilty again! I hated it!"
I was crying now. I never cried.
I was a killer. I didn't feel remorse. I took out targets without blinking. It only took one little boy to make me feel guilt and from then on I knew I never wanted to feel guilty ever again. I didn't want to feel guilt for taking out a terrorist, but I did. The little boy affected me in a way I had never felt before.
The only way to never feel that way again was to never kill ever again.
I stiffened when I felt Rob's arms around me and he pulled me into his chest. I was crying hysterically, still screaming about the one little boy who made me feel guilt. I wanted the feeling to go away, but it wouldn't.
"It's okay, Daisy," Rob said and I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed into his chest. "Let it all out."
"Now you fucking know!" I whimpered. "Why I ran. Why I don't want to be here!"
Rob gently guided me back over to my seat and he walked over to the coat stand in the corner of his room and selected a soft zip up hoodie. He walked back over to me and draped it over my shoulders. I was shaking and still crying uncontrollably. He then leaned back against his desk and frowned at me.
"I've never seen you cry," he noted. "This kid really got to you."
"I hate it," I whispered. "It's like someone has ripped a hole in my heart and there's just emptiness. Is that what guilt feels like?"
Rob just stared at me.
"It makes me feel weak," I hiccuped. "I can't stand it. I just want the feeling to go away!"
"It won't," Rob said. "It will stay with you for the rest of your life. That's the price that comes with our line of work."
"You'll feel better," James spoke up. "Now that you openly voiced what's been bothering you, it will feel better. You've been hiding it for a long time, refusing to tell anyone the real problem."
"Now is not the time for your psycho babble," I scowled.
James chuckled slightly and nodded. "I'll keep quiet."
"I'll take you home," Rob said. "Come on, let's go."
"What about you locking me up?" I said bitterly and wiped my tears.
"You've got a lot going on up here," Rob said and pointed to his head. "The last thing I'm going to do is leave you alone with your thoughts. I'll think of another punishment, don't worry."
I nodded and took a deep breath, trying to calm my breathing.
"Up, let's go," Rob ordered.
"I'll see you tomorrow," James said. "1pm?"
"I've got school-"
"No, you're off the mission. Eli will finish the recruitment, he won't be needed for much longer and it's not like you did anything," Rob said and shook his head.
"I'm a valuable agent," I said sarcastically and stood up, wrapping his jacket around me. "It would be a shame to take me off the mission."
Rob raised his eyebrows at me and gestured to the door. "Let's go, Daisy."
I felt shaky as I walked to the door and I was surprised when Rob wrapped his arm round my waist and supported me.
"I heard about what you did for Hampson," Rob said once we were in the lift.
"It was nothing," I whispered and yawned, suddenly feeling very tired. I had a headache forming and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep.
"Daisy, you are one of a kind," Rob said and chuckled. "We may not have the best relationship-"
"No shit."
Rob frowned at me. "Language, young lady. We may not have the best relationship, but I am proud of you."
"Rob, we don't do mushy," I grumbled and Rob chuckled.
"I'm glad you're back."
"You know I'm not."
"You're safe, so I don't really care what you think about it," Rob shrugged and I rolled my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Father of the year," I said dryly.
The doors to the lift opened and we walked out, Rob's arm still wrapped around me. Many agents stared, but I wasn't surprised. It wasn't everyday you saw the leader of the Agency walk out with his arms wrapped around a snivelling agent who had taken a recruit hostage not so long ago.
It was common knowledge that Rob had a son and daughter, but not everyone knew who we were, so we received some curious looks.
I spotted Adam talking to an agent and he frowned when he saw me. Immediately he was next to me and Rob. "You're crying," he said and I wiped my eyes again.
"No, I'm not."
"You never cry," Adam said and glanced at Rob. "And you have never left your office for her, ever. What's wrong? What's happened?"
"Calm down, son," Rob said and placed his hand on Adam's arm. "Everything is fine, I'm just going to take Daisy home."
"Why are you crying?" Adam questioned.
"I'm not crying," I grumbled.
"She had a little breakdown," Rob explained. "She got some things off her chest."
"Why she doesn't want to be here?" Adam guessed and I scowled at Rob when he nodded. "You look like shit, Daisy," Adam frowned.
"Cheers, bro."
"Get a good nights sleep."
"I'm feeling the love," I said, forcing sarcasm into my voice.
Adam rolled his eyes and I glared at him when he ruffled my hair and then walked off.
"He knows I hate it when people do that," I muttered.
"Let's go," Rob said and we walked through the ground floor of the Agency and soon we were outside and getting into Rob's Porsche. It beat Eli's shitty car.
I sank back into the soft leather seats and hugged Rob's jacket closer to me as he sat in the drivers seat and started the engine. He turned the heating up and soft music from the radio filled the car.
"You have the music taste of an old man," I commented.
Rob acknowledged me with a glance. "Seatbelt," he instructed and I clipped the black belt over me. Rob then reversed out of the car parking space and we were on our way to my house.
"I don't remember the last time you drove me home," I said quietly.
"When you were on mission that went sideways," Rob told me. "It was one of your first. You got kidnapped and tortured."
"I think that was the Agency's fault. They failed to tell me that my target had ex-forces security," I said. "That wasn't fun."
Rob raised an eyebrow at me. "No, it most certainly wasn't."
I yawned and rubbed my puffy eyes. "So, what's going to be my punishment then?"
"I'll discuss that with you tomorrow once you've got a good nights sleep and calmed down."
"I'm calm."
"No, Daisy, you are not," Rob said. "You are a split second away from breaking down again."
"I am not," I lied, but Rob was right. One little thing could set me off. I wasn't stable right now.
"I'm your dad, I know you a lot better than you'd care to admit," Rob said and turned the radio up, signalling the end of our conversation.
"I'll walk you in," Rob said and I opened the door to the house. Rob followed me inside and all the guys were in the lounge, minus Eli and Hampson.
"Daisy." Blake frowned when he took in my appearance. "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine," I said dismissively.
"Have you been crying?" Blake wondered.
"You never cry," Oli frowned.
"Ever," Mason added.
"She's fine, guys," Rob said. "I'll speak to you tomorrow."
"Thanks for the lift," I mumbled.
Rob nodded and kissed me on the forehead. "Bye."
"See you, dad," I said quietly and watched as he turned on his heel and walked out. When the door slammed and I sighed and slowly made my way over to the sofa Blake was sitting on and squeezed in between him and Carter.
"You alright?" Blake asked me seriously. "You never cry."
"I'm amazing," I mumbled and rested my head on his chest.
"Don't make me fuck the truth out of you," Blake said into my ear and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm fine."
Blake placed his fingers under my chin and titled my head up to look at him. "Do you want me to fuck the truth out of you?" He asked quietly, his eyes twinkling.
"I could do with a distraction," I admitted and yelled out in surprise when Blake stood up and easily threw me over his shoulder.
"Guys, I want some sleep tonight, so be considerate!" Jack called and Blake flipped him off as he carried me up the stairs.