Natalie
When Noah walks out of the second bedroom, he looks both sad and happy at the same time. I'm sitting on the bed inside the living room; I got two. When you're poor, you accept when your friend offers to give you a second bed. Free furniture is never wrong.
"How are you feeling?" I ask Noah because he looks haunted. Gorgeous but so tired that I long to touch him, hug him, and make him smile again.
"Like I'm living a life that isn't mine," Noah sighs, running his hands through his brown hair. There are tears in his eyes when he looks at me, pain etched into his features.
"Do you wish to talk about it?" I ask softly.
Noah inhales sharply while pacing my living room. "Fuck Natalie... I'm so confused and seeing Emma and thinking of the possibility of her being my daughter... My heart is shattering. You better not be lying to me because she is gorgeous."
I sit back in my bed, pulling the blanket over my cold legs while keeping my tired eyes on Noah. It kills me to see him like this, lost, confused, and not himself. In all honesty, he seems to be suffering like me.
"I wouldn't lie to you," I tell him, tapping the area next to me on the mattress with an exhausted smile. "Do you want to stay the night? You don't have to sleep in the same bed, but... We already had sex, so I don't see the point in trying to hide... My body..."
"You have nothing to be ashamed of anyway," Noah approaches my bed with those dark circles underneath his eyes. The very ones I wish I could erase from his face. "You're gorgeous, Natalie, just like your daughter... Although I would claim Emma got my eyebrows. The shape."
His words earn him a smile.
I like hearing Noah speak about Emma. His voice is so gentle. "She does, doesn't she?"
"Yeah..." Noah stands by the end of my bed, peering at me with insecure eyes. "So you don't mind if I stay the night?"
"Not at all."
Noah looks at me for a long moment. His eyes roam over my face, and then his hands travel to his clothes. He is taking them off again while keeping his eyes on mine.
I wonder if it's his way to find out if I'm comfortable with him being naked, and the answer would be both yes and no.
I'm attracted to Noah, and I still love the man I got to know in the past. But at the same time, we are treading on new grounds. He isn't the same man, and everything is new.
We are still getting to know each other, and Noah is timid. I seem to frighten him, which is funny. In the past, he was the assertive one while I was the one being chased. The tables seem to have turned now, or at least that's the truth in Noah's eyes.
Noah doesn't know that he makes me insecure too. Just like him, I don't want to be heartbroken again. My match is lit, and Noah is the gasoline. Now that I've had him, I can't stop burning.
My love for him won't ever die.
"It's a little weird not remembering you or my daughter and then staying over," Noah admits with a chuckle. There is a dimple on his cheek. "But you should know that I am attracted to you."
He takes the other side of the bed, and I experience actual butterflies. I want to cuddle with him, but I realize that would be out of line. Instead, I fight the urge and continue the conversation.
Baby steps.
"Obviously," I snort and lie down to face away from him. I'm smiling because Noah's presence is making me tingle. "And I'm attracted to you too, Noah. But you know that already."
Noah falls silent, and I close my eyes. I try to drift off to sleep, but it's not working when the man I love is close to me. We are inches apart, yet he feels miles away.
"Are you still in love with me?" Noah asks.
I swallow thickly, ignoring the burn in my throat. "Yes."
He is silent for a while. "Do I make you feel uncomfortable because I don't remember anything?"
"Yes," I admit. "You also make me feel weak."
"Why?"
"Because I'm still in love with you while you're not in love with me. It makes me feel vulnerable because I have no control. It also makes me sad because I realize your feelings for me might never return."
Noah says nothing. I don't expect him to do it either, yet I wanted to be honest because I never was before.
I regret that now.
I should have loved Noah without holding back in the past. The reminder that I never told him that I loved him and saw his reaction to those words hurts me on a deeper plane.
I'm so miserable, and I don't know how to stop grieving and mourning the loss of Noah. My soul is broken, aching like a piece of it is missing. And now I'm unable to fight the tears clawing behind my eyelids.
Noah places a large hand on my arm, making me jerk in shock. He slides closer without a word, and my heart flutters when his chiseled chest brushes against my skin.
He wraps a hesitant arm around me. "Is this okay?"
My heart is pounding; the rest of me is aching. I already know the answer to Noah's question; I don't have to think twice about it.
"Yes."
Noah relaxes and pulls me to him. His heartbeat is hammering against me, telling me he is nervous. It's new. I can't recall him being shy around me in the past, or maybe I wasn't paying attention because I was busy fighting my hormones.
"I might not feel the same as I did in the past," Noah's voice is tired and deep. It prompts a shiver in me. "But that doesn't mean that I don't feel anything for you, Natalie."
His words are fair, I realize. I shouldn't expect Noah to love me the same way as before, but I shouldn't forget that he can fall in love with me again. That thought offers me relief.
I lick my lips. "Every encounter with you is a balancing act; part seduction; part mindfuck because of what we were in the past. I have to wrestle with the need to hug you at all times."
Noah chuckles. "So stop fighting?"
His words give me pause. "Excuse me?"
"I said stop fighting it," Noah smiles against my skin. "If you want to hug me, then go for it. I won't stop you."
His words make me blush, and I bite my lower lip. "Ever the charmer, aren't you?"
He breathes a laugh. "Not even a car crash can remove that part of me. I will always be charming."
"And arrogant," I point out. "But I like you anyway."
Noah chuckles. "Sleep tight, Natalie."
"You too, Noah."