Noah
Past
Natalie's wedding is taking place tomorrow morning. She is marrying Alaric, and I can't think. I can't sleep. My head is a jumbled mess, and my heart beats out of rhythm.
I love Natalie.
I love her so much it's physically painful.
And all I want is for Natalie to be happy, even if it destroys me.
But is she, though?
Is Natalie happy?
I roll around in my bed next to Lexie and rake my fingers through my hair. Natalie is a spreading disease. I love her, and I can't fight how that woman takes over my entire system. Ever since my memories came back, I have thought about her every minute.
I can't breathe.
And if I close my eyes, Natalie is there, smiling at me. She is the most beautiful person I've ever seen, inside and out. Pure. That woman is brighter than the sun.
Beautiful.
"Shit..." I stand up and swing my legs over my bed in the dark. An angry mutter leaves my lips. "I need to see a therapist..."
Once again, my brain is fevered by a million memories and thoughts of Natalie. I have to drink some water and question myself for being in love with someone getting married. Is Natalie happy with Alaric?
I think I could make Natalie happy. We would be a family again, Emma, Natalie, and I, but—... I don't want to destroy Natalie's life by ripping her away from Alaric if she is already happy.
My emotions are confusing.
I meet my reflection in the mirror. There are large circles underneath my eyes. I look as conflicted as I feel on the inside. Without Natalie, the world isn't as beautiful as it's supposed to be.
I know that Natalie is my stepsister, yet I don't care. It doesn't matter if she is friendly with her dad again—Natalie and I could become something beautiful. And I would give her more children than Emma. I want them with her, but the problem is...
Alaric.
I laugh in bitterness and how crazy the world is turning.
Natalie came over and returned the red Ferrari I bought her. She doesn't want me around. It was a way of saying I should stay away. Also, along with all those nasty text messages Natalie sent, it really seems like she hates my guts.
But...
Natalie told me at the restaurant she hadn't spoken to me, and Alaric is a jealous prick. So part of me thinks it's Alaric who text messaged me to stay away. Not Natalie.
"Fuck... What am I supposed to do?" I ask myself and hold myself back from punching the goddamn mirror.
I'm not a violent person, but the love of my life marrying the wrong man pisses me off. Natalie and I would have been together if it weren't for that stupid car accident!
"Babe?" Lexie calls from the bedroom. "Aren't you going to come back to bed? Natalie's wedding is taking place in the morning..."
I grimace. Lexie and I aren't serious, but I've been seeing her in an attempt to get Natalie out of my head.
It didn't work.
"I'm coming!" I call back to her. I look at my reflection, wondering if this is my future, being with a woman that I don't love. Nobody gives me butterflies like Natalie. "Do you need anything?"
"A glass of water would be nice."
"Sure," I say. "Be there in a minute."
I guess this is it. This is my future, even if I can see myself smiling in another one.
***
I'm sweating in my seat. It's Natalie getting married, yet I'm the one sitting on pins and needles. Lexie is holding my arm, and my mother smiles at me from the row in front of ours.
"The flower arrangement is so beautiful," Lexie beams up at me, pointing at the white roses in the front. "I want those at our wedding. We have to ask the couple who they hired later when we eat cake."
I plaster on a smile despite the jarring feeling inside my chest. Today is the worst day of my life. "Sure."
Lexie looks at Alaric. He talks with the priest, and Lexie checks out his suit with hungry eyes. I'm guessing Lexie wants to get married soon and have children. Sadly I can't give them to her.
I can't keep lying to myself and have to break up with Lexie later, but not at Natalie's wedding. Her hands around my biceps are the only thing keeping me from stealing the bride.
"True love is so beautiful," Lexie whispers when the music starts playing. She even gives me a girlish smile. "Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. And I think Natalie is so lucky to have found the person she is meant to spend her life with."
Keeping the smile on my face is becoming harder. I'm tapping my fingers around my thighs, gaping when Natalie walks past me wearing a white dress. Her eyes are kept on Alaric, but...
Her eyes seem sad as if this is her ending. The light has been blown away from her face like candlelight by the end of Christmas. No matter how hard I look, I can't help but feel like this is wrong.
Natalie's face isn't the one of someone happy, and my heart is thumping faster. Blood is gushing into my ears. Breathing is becoming much harder, and I take a deep breath. The priest is talking now, and soon it will be way too late. Natalie will be married to someone else.
But I can't let that happen. My last will and fire to fight for us have not yet been quenched. I have to take a risk because I love Natalie, and I know it might be wrong, but I have to say it.
Natalie needs to know that I love her.
That damn smiling priest is talking louder now. "I'm happy to be here today to be the—"
My eyes travel to Lexie, and my lips part to give her a silent apology before I stand up. I then focus my attention on Natalie with shaking legs. This is crazy, but the heart wants what it wants.
I speak. "Don't do this, Natalie."
Silence falls over the room. Alaric is staring at me, but his reaction doesn't matter. I let my eyes slide over Natalie. She is gorgeous, and my heart fills with more courage. This is the woman I want to hold and look at for the rest of my life.
There isn't a bone of hesitation in my body.
Natalie sucks in a deep breath and asks. "W-why?"
Silently, I give Natalie a sad smile, wishing she could read my thoughts and see that I remember everything. Her smile. Her laughter. Natalie shouting at me at that football game. Damn, I loved her from the first moment I saw her that day. And this emotion won't ever go away.
This is love.
I find my courage. "Because I fucking love you."