Natalie
I open the door late afternoon. Someone banged hard on it, and outside, I find Noah peering down at me. At first, I smile, but my happiness fades to grey when I see the waging war inside his eyes.
Something is wrong.
"Why did you lie to me, Natalie?" Noah asks. He sounds hurt and confused enough to make unease fill my chest.
I take a step back from the door. Noah is tall and intimidating. Usually, I wouldn't fear him, but we aren't together, and his expression is shrouded in inner rage.
I should keep my distance. "W-what are you talking about?"
"The paternity test came back negative." Noah glares at me. There are tears in the corner of his eyes. "Emma is not my daughter."
I stare right back at him. "Are you joking?"
For the first time in my life, Noah appears pissed off. I've never seen him lose his temper, but he clenches his fists now and takes a deep breath as if holding himself back.
"Joking?" Noah laughs, but it isn't pleasant. "Why would I joke about something like this?! I'm hurting on the inside, Natalie—I wanted Emma to be mine. But now it turns out you lied to me?"
"No! I didn't lie to you!" I shout back. "Fuck! I would never do such a terrible thing to you, Noah! Calm down and think for a minute. Why would I let you do a paternity test if you weren't the father? You would have found out about it!"
"I don't know," Noah says darkly, meeting my eyes. "Maybe you cheated on me while we were together and took a risk, hoping the kid would turn out to be mine?"
Anger boils inside my stomach while tears prickle behind my eyelids.
Is Noah being serious right now?
His words hurt me more than I'm willing to admit. My heart has been cut open with a knife, and now I'm bleeding out. I would never cheat on Noah, and the fact that he believes I possess enough evil to do such a thing breaks my heart.
"I would never cheat on you," I tell him and bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the tears. "Never."
"Then explain how the paternity test could be negative, Natalie, because I'm dying to hear an answer!"
Noah is towering over me, but I won't back down. I'm shaking because he is larger and more muscular than me. It would be easy for him to hurt me, yet I'm choosing to trust I'm safe with him, even if he is enraged.
"Emma is your daughter. I wouldn't lie about that. The doctor must have mixed up the tests, or maybe your mother bribed them to give you the wrong information?"
He sneers at me with distrust and irritation in his eyes. "You're unbelievable..."
I cross my arms over my chest. "And why am I unbelievable?"
"Because your accusation is rather serious."
"But one hundred perfect possible!"
He stays silent for a while and studies my features. Shudders race down my spine, but I won't back down. I stand proudly and straighten my shoulders to mimic his stance.
Eventually, Noah speaks.
"You think my mother would bribe the doctors?" Noah's eyes are narrowed, and speaking of his doubt. It makes sense. Noah, without his memories, has no reason not to like his mother.
Yet I don't have to think hard about my answer. Noah needs to hear the truth: Cynthia hates me over everything else. She slapped me at breakfast once. Then she threw me out of the family after Noah's accident. The woman is a witch.
"Yes, I think she would."
"I don't understand your reasoning. Why would my mother do that to me, to us?" Noah asks in a frustrated voice. "It makes little sense why she would do that to Emma if she was her granddaughter."
"Because she doesn't like me!"
Noah rakes his fingers through his hair, pacing the stair house. "And I can't understand why. Did you do something to anger my mother? Is that why she dislikes you? There must be a reason!"
"Are you blind?" I'm crying now, beyond fed up and frustrated. I'm broken and hurting all over. "I'm not rich or pretty, and I don't play football professionally. I come from nothing, Noah! Your mother married my dad because he is good-looking, but I took after my mother. I'm chubby and introverted, and I will NEVER be good enough for your mother. Even if we weren't step-siblings, she would still hate me!"
Noah pauses, and I see some of his sanity return to him, but it's already too late. What we had is now beyond repair. The second he chose not to believe in me was when we were over.
"I can call the doctor and ask them again, maybe offer them more money than my mother if what you're saying is true."
"Yes, but it won't change anything," I tell him.
His eyes widen. "What do you mean?"
"You came here so convinced I was a rotten liar, and it broke me. I'm tired of fighting for you, Noah. I'm doing so much, and I'm given so little. And I understand you don't remember me, or how you came to like me, or whatever, but I'm done."
"So you're saying..."
"That you should call the doctors and talk things out with your mother or whoever is in the wrong, but you and I are done. I'm tired of living in a goddamn Spanish drama series."
"Is that what you think we are?" Noah asks in an insecure voice. I can tell that my words hurt him, but it doesn't matter. I love him. Yet there is only so much pain the heart can handle.
I laugh; it's a painful sound. "We can still be friends, Noah. Emma is your daughter—I'm not lying about that. You're the only man I've ever slept with, but I'm done. I deserve to date and be with someone who trusts me. For once, I want to feel loved and special."
Noah swallows thickly. "You do. You deserve to be happy and be with a man who gives you the entire world and his soul."
Tears run down my cheeks. "And you can't give that to me, not when you're so confused about your identity. You need to figure out who you are before you try to make someone else happy. Maybe start over with someone who you have no history with?"
His blue-blue eyes land on mine. "Would that make you happy? If I found someone else."
"It would kill me," I admit, yet I force a smile. "But you and I are toxic together. It's not your fault."
Noah is crying too. It's breaking my heart standing here and knowing we are over. My heart wishes to be with him, but my brain knows being together would lead to more pain.
"Then why does it feel like I've made a terrible mistake?" Noah asks in a sad whisper. "Why does it seem as if the world is falling apart? I'm so angry at myself for being so lost..."
"Don't cry," I tell him, stepping closer. "The accident destroyed what we once had. We are a new item in your eyes, but I keep comparing you to your past self. And I expect things from you, which isn't fair."
"What did you expect from me?" Noah sounds terrified of hearing the answer, yet I know he needs to listen to it.
It's getting harder to keep my smile. "I expected you to know that Emma was yours, and I wasn't lying. I expected you to understand that I'm not a terrible person and that something was wrong."
His lips form a sad smile. "Fair enough."
Noah steps away from me, and an uncomfortable silence settles over us until his lips move again.
"So this is it."
"Yes." I take a deep breath. "This is the end of us, but it's not the end for you and Emma."
His eyes lift to mine. "I can still see Emma?"
"Yes," I tell him. "Figure out what happened to the paternity test, and then come back here. We can talk things out."
"But we can't be together?"
I shake my head, biting my lower lip not to shed more tears. "No, I realize it's better if we remain friends."
My words aren't easy to say. Noah is my first love, but it's true—he is not the same man I fell in love with. He is kind, and his personality is still intact and not lost. Yet the man himself is lost.
Noah needs time to discover who he is, and I understand it's better if he does it without me. Even if it means that our love story is over.
"Okay."
Noah gives me a sad smile. He walks up to me, brushing my hair away from my face. I'm crying already. Then, when he bends down and kisses me, it means goodbye.
My eyes are trying to hold back the ocean. Sadly, tears run down my chin regardless of my attempts at keeping them in. When Noah is done kissing me, he presses his forehead to mine.
His hands are in my hair, and his scent is in my nose. And his voice is so gentle when he speaks. "I'm sorry that I forgot about you. About me. About us. I'm sorry."
After those words, Noah is gone.
And I'm left broken.