Natalie
Silently, I look myself over in the mirror, sad because I didn't get to rent the dress I wanted, but happy since the one I'm wearing does fit me. The minus would be that it's puffy around the shoulders and lacks the finesse I had dreamed of.
I resemble a white cake with plenty of whip cream.
But at least this is a proper wedding dress, and with my brown hair sat up in silver pins, I have to say I look prettier than ever before. A corset is holding in my pouch of a belly. I'm wearing fake diamond earrings on top of the cherry, and Linnea did my makeup.
She is currently in tears behind me. I have to bite back a laugh.
Linnea has taken on my mother's role and is looking at me like I'm her daughter. It warms my heart.
"You look stunning," her lip is quivering. "So damn beautiful I can't hold back my tears..."
Linnea's boyfriend, Johan, is already inside the church, but Linnea won't leave me just yet. She is watching me like a hawk, unable to blink away from my dress and makeup.
I smile back at her. "Shouldn't you be sitting inside the church right now? The wedding will start in thirty minutes."
"I'm just..." Linea inhales sharply and taps the area underneath her eye with a napkin. "I'm so happy that you're finally getting married. You wanted that, right? Start a family with Alaric. Raise children and become a big family with a golden retriever."
There is a jarring inside my heart. Linnea is correct—what she mentioned was my dream a few months ago.
When I met Alaric, that future was all I ever wanted. It seemed so bright and just out of reach, and now... I love Alaric, I do, but... I don't know. Something doesn't feel right in my heart, but that might be my nerves speaking? Regardless, I won't get cold feet.
"I'm finally getting married," I sound sad rather than happy, yet I plaster on a smile to not worry Linnea. "I have a handsome husband. A beautiful daughter. A house, and... My life is so bright."
Linnea's lips curl by the corners. Her eyes roam over me as if he is hesitating. She is thinking about something. I can see concern mirrored on her face, so I exhale.
"What is on your mind?" I ask Linnea, looking her up and down with my arms crossed over my chest. "I know it's something... You're giving me that weird look..."
"Well..." Linnea hesitates. "I'm not sure how to say this..."
"Out with it."
Linnea wet her lips. A thousand emotions and thoughts run across her face when she looks at me. "I just always thought you and Noah would find each other again."
I blink at her with a faltering smile, which makes Linnea panic. She raises her hands in the air and nervously laughs.
"I'm so sorry!" Linnea apologizes. "It's your wedding day, and I should be positive. If you're happy, then I'm happy. Alaric seems like a great man, and I shouldn't have brought up Noah. I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad at me—it just slipped my mind!"
I'm not angry at Linnea. It's sadness, not rage, swelling in my chest. I hate to admit it, but a part of me always hoped Noah's memories would return. I get that he might have fallen in love with me without them, but we share a history I wished for him to remember.
I briefly remember Noah sneaking glances at me in the corridor. Sadly, my eyes never lingered on the quarterback. But when we met at his game, it just hit me that Noah seemed familiar.
It made my heart pound.
Noah made my heart pound.
We slept together, talked on the phone, and...
When Noah lost his memories, it felt like he had lost part of his identity. This black hole was eating him from the inside, and he didn't need me.
I wet my lips. "I was too expectant of Noah—I would have destroyed him by comparing him to how he was in the past."
I say those words to Linnea and have to clutch my chest not to fall victim to the conflicting emotions inside my heart.
I miss Noah so much that it hurts. We are an impossible dream that never happened, though. I should entirely let go, and by marrying Alaric, I will turn a new leaf and start over in London.
From now on, I will never dream of Noah's smile again. I'm going to focus on getting my culinary degree. I will support Alaric in his own business and try my hardest to be... Happy.
"Natalie..." Linnea places her hand on my shoulder and embraces me in a warm hug. "I'm truly sorry for bringing up Noah... It wasn't very thoughtful of me..."
"I miss the old Noah," I whisper into Linnea's ear. "But I also love Alaric, and I realize Noah won't ever come back... He is with Lexie, and I should move on and forget the past..."
Linnea leans back, searching my face. "When you spent time driving that Ferrari with Noah... Didn't you say it felt like going in time?"
I laugh through my pain. "It did... It felt like nothing had changed and as if Noah and I could go back to how we were... But even if I still love Noah right now, he is with Lexie. The second best is all I will know, and fuck, I'm terrible for saying that..."
"No, you can trust me," Linnea says, smiling. "And I understand—nothing beats your first love. I'm lucky to be with Johan, but if he left me... Then I don't think I would ever be able to forget him."
"Luckily, I don't think John will ever leave you," I glance up at the clock, and Linnea does the same. Her face pales.
"Shit!" Linnea swears. "I should hurry inside... You're fine, right? You won't escape from the church?"
"I won't," I keep the smile on my face. "Everyone I care for and love is inside that church. Except for Emma, she is at the babysitter."
"I'm still surprised your dad and your stepmother decided to accept the invitation to your wedding. You even invited Noah and Lexie to your big day..."
I shrug. "I sent invitations to everyone. My dad and Cynthia probably came because I'm no longer fucking Noah."
Linnea snorts. "Probably."
Her honesty makes me laugh. We both beat each other until Linnea really has to leave. She disappears inside the church, and I take deep breaths to calm my racing heart.
This is it.
I'm getting married.
The music starts playing on low volume, and I push open the doors. Immediately, all eyes of the people sitting inside land on me. I'm so nervous that I can barely stand.
Yet I walk forward, holding on to my bouquet while facing Alaric. My fingers are probably red from how hard I'm holding it. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad. Most of all, I'm just feeling trapped.
Therefore, I don't dare to look at Noah and Lexie, and neither do I pay attention to my dad and Cynthia. I steer myself forward until I'm standing in front of a smiling Alaric.
Linnea is my maid of honor, and she is smiling while wearing that beautiful pink dress. Alaric's best man is a co-worker I've never met before, and our priest is an old man who clears his throat.
He speaks, but I'm not listening to him. My heart is hammering inside my chest, and I'm ready to pass out. I'm thinking about my future life in London with Alaric.
Will we be happy together?
Or will we fight about his company and money?
What about children—does Alaric want more of them?
Shit, I'm sweating inside my dress. I have to calm down and relax. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.
Everyone is nervous on their wedding day—I shouldn't be surprised that I'm feeling this way. My life with Alaric will be beautiful, and I will be alright. I should remember to breathe.
Alaric is gazing deeply into my eyes, and soon, the priest comes closer to the end of his speech.
His wrinkly, old lips curl into a smile. "Natalie and Alaric's closest friends and family are gathered here today to witness their beautiful union. Life has brought their two beautiful souls together. Will you promise to love and support their marriage in the coming days? If so, please respond, 'we will.' from your seats."
I take a deep breath after everyone has responded. Alaric and I are facing the priest now. Our fingers are interlocked, and the priest's speech makes me dizzier and dizzier.
Even his damn smile is dazzling when he looks at us. "I'm happy to be here today to be the—"
"Don't do this, Natalie."
Shocked, silence falls over the church. I turn around and stare at Noah standing between the seats. What is he doing? Is he seriously playing around on my wedding day?
He is wearing a navy suit, and his hair is disheveled like he has run his hand through it plenty of times today. His expression is the materialized picture of inner conflict.
I part my lips and speak in a shaky voice. "W-why?"
Noah doesn't falter or sit back down. He holds my gaze while a sad smile curls his lips. I have no idea what is going on. Lexie is glaring daggers, and Noah's mother is gaping at her son. Everyone is waiting for Noah's answer, including me.
Eventually, Noah speaks confidently. "Because I fucking love you."