Natalie
"Yes, I love Alaric."
But I'm not in love with him, or I am, but it's nothing compared to how I feel about Noah.
Noah studies my face. It might be my imagination, but his eyes grow sad and disappointed for a minute. A wave of longing and wanting to wrap my arms around me crashes over me.
I want to kiss the hurt away from his lips.
But his expression quickly changes into a smile. It throws me off and leaves my heart thumping in pain.
"Of course you love Alaric. What was I thinking?" Noah laughs at himself and smiles at me again. Those eyes suck me in and chew me up. "Or else you wouldn't be planning on marrying him. Right?"
My heart thumps. "Right."
Noah keeps the smile, and we turn back to watching Rick and Morty, but my heart feels heavy with guilt. I gave Noah the correct answer. So why does it seem like I've made a grave mistake?
I can barely focus on the TV. Every part of me is on fire, and it's not the sexy kind, but the ones capable of destroying your soul.
I'm in extreme pain, which Noah seems to notice.
Does he have spider senses?
He looks at me with concern written over his features. "If you can't get the miscarriage out of your head... Do you want to go shopping with Emma and me tomorrow?"
"I would love that," I tell him.
But Noah is wrong. Losing my baby hurts, but the pain in my heart isn't only because of that. It's a mixture of everything, including my history with Noah and missed opportunities.
If Noah had never lost his memories, I imagine we would be in some tropical country right now. Laughing at the white clouds with Emma with us in a stroller and maybe another kid on the way.
It's a scary dream. The "too good to be true kind" dreams leaves a soul with depression. Every "what if" is a puncture to the soul, so I try to focus on the present.
I'm together with Alaric, and I can try for another baby.
All isn't lost.
"Great." Noah grabs a blanket from a chair and gives me a hesitant look that makes me grow curious. "Uh... Do you mind if I spread my legs over yours? I was thinking of closing my eyes a bit."
I smile. "Are you tired?"
"It's past midnight," Noah yawns. "Any sane person would be tired at this time, Natalie."
"Not me," I swallow thickly. "But I head upstairs so you can take the couch... There is a spare bedroom, though."
"I like the couch," Noah cracks one eye open. There is worry in his eyes, and I fight the wish to lie down next to him. Curl up to his chest and let him wrap an arm around me. "Will you be able to sleep?"
I blink back to reality and find words. Noah is waiting patiently for me to speak, so I should wake up from my fantasies.
"Yeah..." I stand up from the couch, scratching my neck. "It will take a while, but I think I can eventually fall asleep..."
"We don't have to wake up early. I imagine it will take a while for you to fall asleep too, so consider breakfast done."
I arch an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest. "Are you going to cook breakfast for me?"
"On the bed," Noah winks at me. "Emma can wait for us a little, but later I want to buy her new clothes. We could get something for you too."
I snort and shake my head. "I refuse to let you buy me things if that's what you're hinting at."
"I'm buying you a car," Noah says with a blank expression.
I don't stare at him; I gawk. "You can't just buy me a car out of the blue!"
"Why not?" Noah asks. "I don't see the problem here. You need a car because it will make picking up Emma easier. And since you're the mother of my daughter, it's not weird for me to help you."
"Uhhh... It's super weird," my throat is dry from the shock. "You can't just buy me things. Ex-boyfriends don't do that kind of stuff."
Noah chuckles and pulls the blanket higher over his body. His face is cute when he is amused.
"I'm a special kind of ex-boyfriend. The kind who isn't an asshole, and I'm a billionaire—buying you a car won't set me back. I will hardly notice the money is gone while a brand new car will make your day, possibly your week and freaking month."
"More like my entire year."
He laughs again. "That settles things. I'm buying you a damn car, and there is nothing you can do about it."
I stand there, heart thumping fast and flutters taking over my senses while Noah closes his eyes. I'm secretly happy about him buying me a new car, but I feel like I don't deserve it.
"Thank you..."
"You're welcome," Noah smiles without opening his eyes. "Now, head upstairs before morning comes. You need to get some sleep because it will be a long day finding your car tomorrow."
I laugh. "Perhaps we shouldn't take Emma with us tomorrow when we look at the car? I might test cars I could never afford and go crazy with the gas pedal. I would want to risk her life."
Noah laughs. "I can call Frank and Carmen tomorrow and ask if they are willing to babysit Emma later after we are done shopping for her. I mean, Natalie, sweet little Natalie, behind the wheel of a sports car? Now that is something I don't want to miss for all the money in the world."
"Sweet?" I question and snort at his silly choice of words. "I'm tougher than steel and more powerful than sweet."
"You're also hot, beautiful, funny, gorgeous, terrible at picking movies, a snorer, loyal, and a total cuddler when you're sleeping. Sure, you have some abandonment issues. You raise your castle walls and don't let them down to anyone. That makes people think you're more reserved and tougher than you are. But behind that fierce mask, you're a kitten. And when you smile? Well, when you do... Then it feels like an achievement because you don't let just anyone see that side of you."
I gasp, and Noah looks up, grinning. "Sorry, I thought we were giving you compliments?"
"Uh..." My heart is racing. Noah is looking at me expectantly, messing with my head. "No... I was just..." I'm suffering images of the past. I'm kissing Noah, tasting his lips. It's making me panic. I want him, but we are a story of the past. I have to let go. "Okay, I will head up to my room! Good night!"
I rush into the hallway with a thumping chest, and I think I hear Noah sigh before saying. "Good night, Natalie."