Samantha
I watched as Henry led Ryan out of the kitchen. My chest tightened at the sight, and once again, I found myself trying to push away any thoughts about what could have been if anyone had known that Henry was Ryan’s.
It didn’t matter now, though, as I couldn’t go back and change the past. I knew the best thing for everyone going forward was for me to let those thoughts go and focus on the here and now.
My parents didn’t stay much longer and didn’t ask me any questions about Ryan, which I was thankful for.
Once they’d left, I made my way upstairs. I was curious to see what Ryan was like with Henry. I could hear my son chatting as I neared his bedroom door, and when I peeked inside, I couldn’t help but grin.
Henry had Ryan sitting on the edge of his little, twin-sized bed and was holding up one of his trucks to show it off as he explained every single feature of it in detail.
“When you back it up, you have to say beep, beep, beep, so everyone knows, okay?” the little boy said in a serious tone. “You don’t want to accidentally run over anyone.”
Ryan nodded, matching Henry’s serious tone. “Gotcha. You’re absolutely right. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
I held back a giggle as I slowly moved away from the door, not wanting to be caught and ruin the moment between the two of them.
I made my way back downstairs and returned to the kitchen to pour myself another cup of coffee.
I wasn’t certain if letting Ryan spend time with Henry so soon was a good idea, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull the two apart when my son was enjoying himself so much.
He didn’t have much experience interacting one-on-one with men apart from my dad.
For him to be able to hang out with his own father…I squeezed my eyes shut and tamped my rising emotions down.
I was getting ahead of myself.
I needed to reign it in and remember it was one day.
They were spending just a little bit of time together.
It didn’t mean anything.
I wasn’t giving Ryan permission to be a permanent fixture in Henry’s life. I wasn’t forgiving him for anything that had happened between us. It was simply a playdate, nothing more than that.
At the end of the day, as long as Henry didn’t know who Ryan really was, nothing had to change.
Everything was going to change.
That inevitable truth had become clear as day to me by that afternoon.
Henry adored Ryan, and I was rather surprised at how good Ryan was with the little boy. He was patient and kind. Gentle, but still fun.
When Henry had begged me to let Ryan stay longer after they’d finished the tour of his bedroom, I hadn’t been able to tell him no.
At that moment, I was sitting on my back porch swing, watching as the two played baseball with Henry’s little, plastic bat and matching ball set.
Ryan had set up bases for them to run around and was teaching Henry how to play the actual game. It was so sweet, and I couldn’t help but smile as I sat back and observed them.
The back door of my house suddenly opened, and my mom walked out onto the porch.
“Oh, hey,” I said, surprised. “I didn’t realize you came back.”
“I just thought I’d pop over and see how things were going,” she replied, sitting down next to me. She looked out at Henry and Ryan and smiled softly before turning her gaze back to me. “Are you okay?”
Surprised, I looked at her with a furrowed brow. “Huh? What do you mean? I’m great.”
She gave me a look that I’d seen plenty of times growing up. It was indulgent, but she was making it clear that she didn’t believe me.
“I’m your mother,” she said. “I can tell when something’s on your mind.”
A part of me wanted to confide in her. To confess everything and be done with it, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words out loud.
“I suppose it’s just weird having Ryan around again.” I shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “It’s been so long.”
My mom nodded. “Yes, it’s been a very long time. I always wondered what kept him from coming home throughout all these years. Has he told you anything about that?”
I shook my head. “Nope, hasn’t said a thing.”
She didn’t seem to entirely buy that, either, but she didn’t linger on the matter, thankfully.
“I’m sure it was a shock, coming home to find you and Henry. To find you so grownup and doing so well on your own.”
I gave her a cautious look. It almost seemed like she was implying something.
Had she put everything together and figured out who Ryan really was to Henry? I watched her out of the corner of my eye, looking for any indication that she knew. She was impossible to read, though, and didn’t give me any indication one way or another.
“Yeah, he was a bit surprised,” I said cautiously. “Not as surprised as I was to see him back in town, though.”
My mom nodded. “Very true, but I’m glad he’s here to support Jason. He is really a good friend.”
I nodded, turning my gaze back to Ryan and Henry. Ryan Was A good friend, apart from our one night together.
Still, that wasn’t all on him, so I supposed that didn’t make him too much of a scumbag.
He was a loyal man, I had to admit.
Though he hadn’t been home in years, he’d still maintained his relationship with Jason. That was a rather bittersweet thought. Jason was worth staying in touch with, but I wasn’t.
Shaking my head, I quickly banished that thought away. I didn’t want to feel animosity toward him at that moment. Not when he was making our son laugh and squeal with happiness.
“He’s a good man,” I murmured. “He’s just…confusing.”
My mom reached over and took hold of my hand. I met her gaze, curious as to what was going through her head.
Mom gave me a sympathetic smile. “Men can be confusing, because they don’t often understand what their own feelings are. Ultimately, though, you need to do what is best for you and Henry. Your son is your number one priority.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. No one comes before my boy.”
Turning back to Ryan and Henry, I couldn’t avoid the idea that having his father in his life was likely the best thing for my little boy. Was my stubbornness and anger toward Ryan ultimately harming Henry?
I sighed. Maybe I needed to reconsider my approach to dealing with Ryan. Instead of thinking of him as the man who hurt and abandoned me, I needed to start thinking of him as Henry’s father.
That changed things in a major way, and I wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. It was a bit of a slippery slope, I feared, if I let go of my anger and allowed Ryan into our lives. What was to stop him from weaving his way into my heart?
And then, what was to stop him from breaking it again?
“He is out.” I chuckled softly as I laid Henry down in his bed. “You really did a number on him.”
Ryan, standing next to me, grinned and whispered, “I did a number on him? I’m going to be so sore tomorrow that I might not be able to walk.”
I couldn’t help my smile as I finished tucking Henry in. Ryan had spent the whole day with him, and the little boy was worn out. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Henry have so much fun.
After giving Henry a gentle kiss on the head, I turned and shooed Ryan out of the room, closing the door behind us.
Just like that, Ryan and I were alone again. We stared at each other for a brief, awkward moment.
After a couple seconds, I cleared my throat and murmured, “Do…do you want a drink?”
His brows shot up, and he looked surprised, but he slowly nodded. “Sure. That sounds great.”
Giving him a tight smile, I led him down the hall and the down the stairs. I told him to have a seat in the living room while I went to the kitchen and got us each a glass of wine. He was sitting on the couch when I entered the living room.
Handing him his wine, I said, “You’re probably used to fancier bottles, but two buck Chuck has never steered me wrong.”
He chuckled as he took the glass from me. “I might be rich, but I’m not a snob. Most of those expensive wines taste like the cheap ones, anyway.”
I snorted. “Leave it to you to undermine the entire artform of wine making.”
He scoffed. “I have great respect for wine making. I’m just saying it’s not always worth dropping triple digits on a single bottle when a two buck Chuck will get the job done.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. Ryan had always been funny. I hadn’t seen much of his humor since he’d been back, but I supposed I was partially to blame for that, seeing as I was the one being continuously combative with him.
Ryan smiled at me. It was warm and made me shiver. I was careful not to outwardly react.
“So, Henry,” he hesitantly began. “He’s an incredible kid.”
“He is,” I easily agreed, though I was cautious about where he was going with this. “I might be a bit bias, but I think he’s as close to perfect as a kid can get.”
Ryan took a long drink of his wine before meeting my gaze and stating, “I want to be in his life, Sam. I wanted to before, but now that I’ve met him and spent time with him…Jesus, I already know I’d give anything to that kid. I’d do anything to keep him happy and safe. I can’t just walk away from him now.”
I dropped my gaze from his and bit my tongue to keep from snapping at him that walking away hadn’t been an issue for him with me. I reigned my anger in, though. This wasn’t about me. It was about Henry. I had to think of what was best for him.
“I-I still don’t know if it’s a good idea,” I admitted in a soft voice. “The thought of you getting to know Henry, gaining his love, and then leaving him…”
“I swear that won’t happen,” he insisted. He set his glass down and took mine as well, then he grabbed both my hands in his. “Sam, I promise you that if you let me be Henry’s father, I will never leave him, or you. Not again.”