I hadn’t expected that question, but I’m kind of glad she asked it. It was the elephant in the room, and it was best that we just get it out of the way.
Folding my hands in front of me, I leaned a bit closer and answered, “I was scared. I wish I had a better explanation, but I don’t. I was young and scared and stupid. It’s the biggest regret of my life.”
She appeared to consider my words for several tense moments.
Slowly, she questioned, “Were you scared of me?”
“Not of you,” I admitted. “I was scared of my feelings for you.”
Her lips parted. “Your feelings for me?”
I let out a self-conscious grunt. “Yeah, I hadn’t realized what I felt for you until that night. I always thought you were just Jason’s little sister, but that night, I realized just how attracted I was to you. How much I wanted you. It was so intense, it terrified me.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me? Why didn’t you ever come back?”
I rubbed at the back of my neck and shrugged. “I’m a coward, plain and simple. I thought if I came back, I wouldn’t be able to resist you, and I just…I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Because of Jason?” She rolled her eyes. “He might have been annoyed at first, but he’d have gotten over it. He loves you too much.”
“I know, you’re right,” I agreed. “It wasn’t that I was afraid of making Jason angry, not really. I was afraid of hurting you.”
“What are you talking about? How would you hurt me?”
I debated how honest I should be with her, but I’d already said so much that there really wasn’t any reason to hold back at that point.
“I’ve got issues, Sam,” I confessed. “Dark spots on my soul. I’m afraid I’ll turn cold and distant like my father, and you’d be just as miserable with me as I was growing up with him.”
Her expression turned sympathetic.
“I knew your dad wasn’t the easiest man to live with,” she said softly. “I didn’t realize you were that miserable, though.”
I gave her a self-deprecating half-smile and shrugged. “That was by design. I didn’t want anyone to know how hard it was. It wasn’t like he was abusive or anything. Just distant. Unfeeling. My mom died, and his ability to care for anything or anyone else went with her.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
I furrowed my brow and shook my head. “You have no reason to be sorry. Having a shitty dad isn’t an excuse for what I did to you. I’m so sorry. Really, I wish I could go back and change things…”
Sam shook her head, cutting me off. “Stop, don’t. Enough. I know you’re sorry. I’m not sure I’m fully ready to forgive you for everything, but I do appreciate your apology.”
I felt a small amount of relief at that. It was a step in the right direction, if nothing else.
Our food came out shortly after that, and we spent the rest of the dinner having light, pleasant conversation. When we were done, I paid our bill, and we left to go to my car. Before we reached it, though, I caught sight of the little park in the middle of the square.
As I wasn’t quite ready to end the evening, I turned to Sam and asked, “Do you want to walk for a bit?”
She stared at me a moment before nodding. “Sure. That sounds good.”
We turned and made our way over to the park. It was a clear night, and the sky was littered with stars. The park was softly lit by decorative streetlamps lining the pathway. It gave the whole area a peaceful, romantic atmosphere.
We walked for several minutes in silence. After everything I’d said during dinner, I wondered what she was thinking. She’d been more receptive to my apology than I’d anticipated, which gave me hope that we could finally move forward in some capacity. What that looked like, I still wasn’t sure, but I was happy it appeared we were making some progress.
“Thank you for your honesty earlier,” she suddenly said. “I really appreciate you telling me all that.”
I gave her a small grin. “It’s the least I owed you, really.”
She shrugged. “Still, it does give me a little bit of closure.”
Closure? I tensed at that word. It made it sound like she was closing things off between us. Shutting the door on our past and blocking off any possibility for a future. I tried not to let my gut-check reaction show.
“I’m glad I could provide that,” I said, nearly choking on the sentence. “Even if only a little bit.”
She chuckled softly. “I’m glad you asked me out tonight. This was good. I’ve been holding onto so much anger for so long. It’s honestly been exhausting.”
“Does that mean you’re able to let that anger go?”
She appeared thoughtful for a moment before sighing. “I’m not sure. I think there’s still plenty of anger that I need to work through, but I can at least acknowledge that you aren’t the same man you once were. I can tone down the hate a bit, I suppose.”
Her tone had turned teasing, and I smirked at her. “I’m not sure I know how to interact with you if you’re not actively hating me.”
She laughed and playfully smacked my arm. “You better watch yourself. I can always go back to hating you if that’s what you really want.”
“No, no, no.” I laughed with a shake of my head. “I’ll figure it out, I promise.”
She grinned that cheeky grin of hers and then looked ahead. Her gaze lit up, and she pointed in front of us.
"Oh, there’s the gazebo,” she declared.
I followed her finger and spotted the old gazebo, which was half-hidden by a wall of hedges.
“Let’s check it out,” I said, instinctively grabbing her hand and tugging her toward it. She didn’t fight me as I led her to the gazebo. We climbed up into it and stood in the middle. It felt as though we were cut off from the rest of the world, surrounded by greenery and smooth, wooden beams.
“It’s so peaceful here.” She sighed, moving to lean against the gazebo’s railing. “I’ve always loved coming here at night and just soaking in the quiet. When Henry was a baby, he was colicky, and I would bring him here to walk around, and he always seemed to calm down. I almost thought this place was magical.”
I smiled softly, my heart warming at the thought of her and baby Henry in this exact spot, finding comfort in the warm night and starry sky.
As I gazed at her, I couldn’t help my rising desire. Without a word, I crossed the gazebo to where she stood and placed my hands on the railing on either side of her.
“What are you doing, Ryan?” she asked in a soft voice, though her gaze was heated and she didn’t try to slip out of the circle of my arms.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” I murmured as my eyes roved over her.
“Are you going to kiss me?”
I held her gaze and nodded. “Yeah, unless you tell me you don’t want me to.”
She didn’t say another word, so I slowly leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. I took my time, kissing her slowly. Savoring her and taking in her intoxicating taste. She ran her hands up my arms until she was grasping my shoulders, her mouth moving eagerly beneath mine.
Her easy acquiescence stoked the flames of my desire even hotter, and soon enough, the kiss turned hotter and rougher. Our tongues clashed as our hands touched and explored each other. The urge to touch her bare skin proved overwhelming, and I grabbed the skirt of her dress and pulled it up around her hips.
Sam gasped and spread her legs. I grabbed her panties and dragged them down her legs as I dropped to my knees. Her eyes widened and excitement flashed across her features. I licked my lips as I gazed up at her, then pressed my mouth between her legs and licked along her sex.
Throwing back her head, she let out a cry. Her fingers tangled in my hair, and she held me against her as I devoured her. She tasted sweet, like honey, and I couldn’t get enough of her.
Her moans and whimpers washed over me, and they were such a turn-on that I felt my length hardening in my pants. Sam grew wet and slick, and I slipped a finger into her entrance.
“Oh, God,” she said on a groan.
“Don’t be too loud,” I teased, lifting my head to grin at her. “Someone might hear you passing by.”
She sank her teeth into her lip and nodded.
“Okay,” she whispered. “Just don’t stop!”
Chuckling, I did as she bid and resumed licking and kissing her tender flesh as I drove my finger in and out of her.
“Oh, Ryan.” She gasped. “Right there! That’s good. It’s so good!”
I could tell she was getting close. I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked hard. She let out another cry before covering her mouth with her hand to stifle it. Within seconds, she was seizing around me, her thighs clenching my hand as her body nearly crushed my finger. I didn’t stop, drawing out her orgasm as long as I could. When she slumped against the gazebo’s railing, I finally stopped. Standing, I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her up, so she didn’t slip all the way to the floor.
“You okay?” I asked her with a grin.
She clutched my shoulders and nodded. “Yeah, more than okay. That was incredible.”
I wasn’t ready to be done, so I said, “I want to take you home and take you to bed.”
She blinked at me, and her lips parted as a breath escaped her.
“You do?” she murmured.
“I do.”
She licked her lips and appeared hesitant before she finally said, “Let’s go back to my place and just see what happens.”
“All right,” I said. She was being cautious, and I could respect that. I wouldn’t push, but I wouldn’t back down from the opportunity she was granting me.
I helped her right her clothes, and when I reached for her hand, she didn’t shy away. We walked back to my car, and I held her door as she slid into the passenger’s seat. When I got into the driver’s side, I noticed immediately a significant difference in the atmosphere from when I’d picked her up. There wasn’t nearly so much tension as there had been before, and what tension there was sprang mostly from the tempered sexual desire burning between us.
As we drove back to her house, we didn’t touch each other, but I wanted to. I kept my hands firmly on the steering wheel, not wanting to invade her space while she decided what she wanted to happen between us when we got back to her house.
“I don’t want there to be any confusion between us,” she said, breaking the silence.
“I know,” I assured her. “I have no expectations one way or another, Sam.”
“Okay.” She was nervous and needed to talk her way through this. I’d help her do whatever she needed to. Answer whatever questions she asked, or give her whatever assurances she needed. “Okay, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page, all right? If this happens, it doesn’t mean we’re together.”
“I understand.”
“Good, that’s good,” she murmured. “II just want us to be sure…”
I reached over and took her hand, finally breaking the invisible barrier between us.
“Sam, I promise, I don’t want to put any pressure on you,” I told her. “On this. Whatever this is, or whatever you want it to be. All right?”
She looked at me and gave me a small, relieved smile.
“All right. Thank you for letting me ramble and freak out a bit.”
I grinned at her. “You can ramble and freak out with me whenever you want.”
She chuckled and shook her head. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“You kind of like it, though, don’t you?”
She shrugged. “Maybe I do.”
We reached her house at that moment, and I hurried out of the car to help her out as well, pulling her in for a quick kiss. She laughed and kissed me back. Slipping my arm around her shoulders, I turned us back around to her house, and we began walking to her porch. When we reached the first step leading up to it, though, I froze, and Sam let out a startled gasp.
We both stared, stunned, at the slashes of red paint staining her front door. There were no words written, only violent looking marks, like streaks of blood.
“What the hell?” Sam whimpered, clinging to me. “Who would do this?”
I hugged her tight, and my stomach clenched. I didn’t know who could have done this, but I instinctively knew it wasn’t meant for Sam. It was meant for me.