I wanted to believe him. I really did, but the wound he’d given me was soul-deep, and I wasn’t sure how to heal it completely.
However, I didn’t want to completely shut the door to any opportunity for Ryan to have a relationship with Henry.
After seeing him interact with my boy all day, I couldn’t deny that Ryan was good with our son. He might deserve a chance, but I had to figure out how to forgive him for the past first.
“I need to think about it,” I told him at length. “I’m not saying no, but there are things I have to work through before I say yes.”
I glanced up at him, and my heart thumped in my chest when I saw the hope shining in his gaze.
“Okay.” He nodded. “That’s fair enough. Thank you, Sam. Even that much means the world to me.”
I was feeling overwhelmed with emotion as he spoke, and his touch was doing funny things to me. Part of me wanted to take my hands away from his, but another, stronger part wanted him to touch other parts of me.
Holy crap, what was I thinking? I told myself I was just feeling vulnerable, and my resolve was weakening as a result.
Swallowing, I croaked, “You’re welcome.”
For a few seconds, we just stared at each other. I couldn’t seem to look away from him. God, he was beautiful. How was it fair that he was so gorgeous? It made it hard to resist him.
As we continued to gaze into each other’s eyes, I could feel my resolve slipping away.
I found myself wanting him to kiss me again. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and his heat and make my mind go blank.
I needed him to take away all thoughts and stresses and replace them with pleasure and satisfaction.
“Sam,” he murmured, his tone heated.“Ryan,” I breathed back.
He closed the distance between us and kissed me. I didn’t try to stop him. Didn’t push him away. I simply didn’t want to.
There was really no other explanation, and I was too tired of resisting him to care. I just wanted to feel, and Ryan was the only man who had ever made me really feel anything.
What started as a slow and steady exploration quickly heated up, and soon, Ryan’s lips were slanting over mine as our tongues tangled.
We clung to each other desperately.
Ryan’s hands gripped my waist, and he pushed me onto my back, so I was lying beneath him. He slipped one hand up my shirt and ran his fingers over my belly, making me gasp and arch into him. I tangled my fingers into his hair and held him to me as I lost myself in our kiss and his touch.
A small voice at the back of my head tried to tell me that getting physically involved was a bad idea. I shouldn’t be doing this with Ryan Carson, but I didn’t listen. My body was on fire. All I could think about was how badly I wanted Ryan to keep going.
As if he could read my mind, he moved his hand down my belly and slipped it beneath the waistband of my bike shorts. A quick breath slipped past my lips. Ryan raised his head enough so he could gaze down into my eyes. He didn’t speak, but I could see the question in his gaze as his fingers rested just above the juncture between my legs.
I hesitated, a little bit of reason slipping through the lustful haze that had fallen over my mind. I was about to cross a line with Ryan that I wouldn’t be able to step back over. There would be consequences, and I would likely regret it.
But it had been so long since I’d been touched. The thought of Ryan petting me made my heart race and my blood heat.
Why shouldn’t I take advantage of this opportunity and allow him to pleasure me? Why shouldn’t I allow myself to escape my reality, if only for a few minutes?
Slowly, I nodded. Ryan appeared surprised, but he didn’t waste any time, moving his hand into my underwear and running a finger between my legs.
I gasped as pleasure rushed through me.
“Oh, my God,” I breathed. It had been so long that one touch had me nearly coming undone right away.
Ryan lowered his head again and pressed his lips to my throat as he pressed more fingers to my core. Between the feel of his lips on my neck and his hand between my legs, I was soon overwhelmed with sensation.
“You feel so good, Sam,” Ryan murmured in my ear before kissing along my jaw. “I’ve dreamed of touching you again.”
And I’d dreamed of him touching me, but I managed not to say so out loud.
I was still able to think clearly enough to keep a few walls in place that he couldn’t get past. Physical intimacy was one thing, but I wasn’t anywhere close to being willing to open myself up emotionally.
He continued running his fingers between my folds, his movements getting faster and rougher.
When he slipped one digit inside me, I had to slap a hand over my mouth to keep from crying out too loudly. The last thing I needed was Henry waking up and coming downstairs to investigate.
Ryan began pumping his finger in and out of me while he trapped my lips in another kiss, muffling the sounds I couldn’t stop making at that point.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight as I was pushed closer and closer to the edge.
He was going to make me come, and I could tell it was going to be intense. It was almost scary, but I was also so desperate for release that I didn’t want him to stop.
“Ryan,” I gasped against his lips. “I’m-I’m almost…”
“Come for me, baby,” he growled. “Come on. Do it.”
As if my body was waiting for his permission, I suddenly seized, and my orgasm crashed through me. I shook and undulated my hips as wave after wave crashed over me.
Ryan continued working me with his fingers, drawing the orgasm out even longer until I couldn’t take it anymore. I wiggled to try and get away from him, and he had mercy on me at last. He removed his hand from my shorts and held my gaze as he sucked his fingers clean.
Panting, I held his gaze as I fought to catch my breath. He cupped my cheek and gave me a little smirk.
“How was that?” he asked.
“Good,” I murmured, licking my lips. “Really, really good.”
“Good,” he nodded with a relieved smile. “Do you want to keep going?”
My mouth opened to say yes, but I stopped myself. My mind was clearer since I’d orgasmed and released so much of the tension that had been building up inside me.
I realized that this shouldn’t be happening. Henry was just upstairs, for Christ’s sake. I was usually so much more careful when it came to men, not that I’d had any get this far with me since, well, Ryan.
Pushing against his chest, I shook my head.
“No, no, we should stop,” I whispered.
He furrowed his brow, clearly confused. “We should?”
I nodded and spoke more firmly. “Yes, we can’t do this. Henry might hear and come down. I don’t want to confuse him, and I need to think. This is a lot.”
He hesitated a moment before releasing a slow breath. He pushed up and stood. I sat up and straightened my shirt, my gaze lowered from his. My cheeks burned with embarrassment.
When I could finally raise my gaze to his without feeling completely mortified, he was watching me with a furrowed brow.
“Are you okay?” he murmured. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No,” I assured him, standing as well. “I’m fine, don’t worry. Really. I just think it’s for the best that we say goodnight. Okay?”
I could tell he wanted to say something. Maybe protest, but thankfully, he didn’t.
“All right.” He sighed. “I’ll take off, then. Goodnight, Sam.”
“Goodnight, Ryan.”
He gave me one last, lingering look before turning and walking to the front door.
Once he left, I dropped back down onto the couch and let out a shuddering breath as I sank back against the cushions.
My lips were swollen and tender, my sex still tingling.
It was a mistake to let Ryan touch me, but not because it gave him an opening into my life. It only reminded me just how good it could be with him.