Ryan
I tossed and turned the rest of the night, my bed feeling oddly cold and empty without Sam in it. When I finally gave up on sleep and got up, I made my way down the hall to Sam’s room, but when I looked inside, she wasn’t there. I wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised. I didn’t bother to check Henry’s room. Sam wouldn’t have left him behind.
I knew that there was nothing I could do about her decision at present. She had every right to make it, but I was terrified by what it could mean in the long-term. Would she ultimately decide to cut me out of their lives again because I complicated things too much? She hadn’t asked for any of this. My life came with risks, and it wasn’t fair of me to force them onto Sam and Henry.
I was frustrated beyond belief, but with myself, not with her. If I had stayed seven years ago, none of this would be happening. Henry would know I was his father, and Sam and I…was it too much to imagine we might have been married by now? Living happily together as a family?
The thought made my chest ache and my shoulders heavy with regret.
At that moment, I heard my phone ring. I made my way back to my room and picked it up.
It was Jason.
“Hey, man,” I said, answering the call. “What’s up?”
“Oh, thank God you’re awake,” Jason declared. “Are you still at home? You haven’t left already, have you?”
“I’m still home,” I answered. “Do you need something?”
“Yeah, I just got a call from the florist, and they need someone to pick up the flowers right now. Something about a funeral order needing the space, I’m not sure. Can you get them before you come to the church?”
“Sure, no problem,” I told him. “I’ll get dressed and go right now.”
Jason released a breath of relief. “You’re a lifesaver, dude. I really appreciate it. We’ll see you soon, yeah?”
“Yep, be right there.”
I hung up the call and hurried to get dressed. I needed to put Sam from my mind and focus on the wedding. I wasn’t going to let my troubles spoil my best friend’s day.
Not anymore than they already had.
***
“You okay, dude?”
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” I forced a grin for Jason’s sake as he glanced at me over his shoulder. We were standing by the church’s altar, waiting for the bridesmaids and Mandy to enter the sanctuary. I was a little caught off guard by Jason’s question. I thought I’d been doing a much better job at hiding my agitation and putting on a happy face.
Sometimes, I forgot just how well Jason knew me. It was hard to hide anything from him.
“I’m good,” I assured him when he wouldn’t stop looking at me. “Focus, man! The wedding is going to start any second!”
That snapped Jason to attention, and the next second, the processional music began to play.
One by one, the bridesmaids began making their way down the aisle. I recognized most of them from growing up in the area, but I was tense and eager to see Sam.
When she walked through the door, my heart stopped. She was gorgeous. Absolutely breathtaking. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she glided down the aisle.
She, however, didn’t look at me at all. It became all too clear that she was intentionally avoiding looking my way. I bit the inside of my cheek to distract from the pain that caused, so I could try and keep a smile on my face. She reached the altar and took her place among the other bridesmaids. I forced myself to look away from her.
Henry followed the women, looking adorable in his little tux. He held the hand of a blonde, little flower girl and appeared to be taking his job as ring bearer very seriously. It made me smile, but there was also a twinge of anxiety at the thought of not being able to be around him anymore. I needed to fix this whole mess, and I needed to fix it before I lost the two people who I cared about most in the world.
When Mandy entered, the entire church stood and faced her. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, but I couldn’t help myself as my gaze strayed back to Sam.
I just wanted her to look my way. To acknowledge me and reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
She never did, though. Throughout the whole ceremony, she kept her attention firmly on Mandy and Jason. She smiled and cried and appeared genuinely happy and moved throughout the service. I wanted her so badly. I wanted a life with her. The life we should’ve been living together all along.
I couldn’t risk losing her again. I just couldn’t. I had to convince her not to be afraid. That I could protect her and Henry, no matter what.
By the end of the ceremony, I’d made up my mind that I was going to talk to Sam about our future, no matter if Bill had been caught or not.
When the minister announced Jason and Mandy husband and wife, everyone gathered in the church applauded as the two kissed.
They were brimming with joy as they walked back down the aisle, hand-in-hand. The wedding party followed them. Sam and I weren’t walking together, and I couldn’t exactly turn around to stare at her, but it was like I could sense her behind me. Like her very presence was a force I could physically feel.
Everything was a little too chaotic and crowded immediately after the wedding for me to try and talk to her, so I made small talk with a few people I knew from childhood. Then, I followed the crowd as we all left to go to the reception hall on the other side of town.
When I reached the hall, I parked and rejoined the rest of the wedding party to enter together. I watched Sam, willing her to just glance my way, but she never did. I told myself it wasn't because she didn’t want anything to do with me. She was keeping her distance for a reason, pretending I wasn’t there for her own peace of mind.
God, I prayed that was true.
Once we’d gone into the hall, we sat at the head table. Groomsmen were on one end, and bridesmaids were on the other. There was no chance for me to talk to Sam during dinner.
The night continued on. None of the other guests seemed to notice the extra security posted around the hall. That helped ease my anxiety about Bill showing up and causing trouble, but that only meant more of my focus fell onto Sam.
I kept a smile on my face through dinner, and when it came time to give speeches, I made sure I spoke in a clear, even tone. I didn’t dare try to look at Sam while I spoke, knowing I’d break and give myself away.
Finally, the dancing started. One by one, the bridal party left the head table to go mingle with the other guests. I pushed to my feet and moved toward Sam before she slipped into the crowd.
“Hey,” I said, grabbing her hand and stopping her.
She turned to me with wide, stunned eyes. “Ryan? What are you doing?”